A bit deflated after final fitting

Deary me Footlong - what an arse of a situation.

Just don't listen. I think everything you have planned sounds amazing. It's got to be about your style, not your mums. You're not telling her what earrings to wear.

What one person likes doesn't always suit another and I would say If your happy with everything you have chosen, if it's your taste...then stick with it! My MIL has dissed practically everything I've just shut my ears and nodded like I give a sh*t lol. As for the eye make up I'm a more the merrier type of bird!! Like you said "my best"

My mum never approves of anything I wear, do or say.

I think your mum has just got ideas in her head and your ideas don't match. She should know better than to be so critical though.

My mum would not say a word but she would make a hmmmmm noise which signals the disapproval of whatever we are talking about and it ruins whatever i am saying,!

It is your style and from your flashes you have buckets of it, so keep it exactly as you have chosen and i am sure you will look amazing and i bet on the day she will say you look stunning countless times.

Oh dear, mothers do seem to put their foot in it sometimes. It sounds like until she piped everything was perfect and you had confidence in everything you've chosen and were perfectly happy with everything. From what you've written clearly everything you've decided on has been well thought out i.e. the best type of earrings to hide clips, bringing your bouquet to compare to your dress. Just trust your own judgement, you've had years of knowing what suits you and what your tastes are and if they don't match your mothers thats not your problem so long as your happy with your choices.

Hope you don't let it get you down x

Mothers have this knack of making us second guess ourselves, but like someone else said, its your wedding and needs to be your style.

Maybe tell her that the things you have chosen are perfect for you and you arent looking for any opinions. I never ask my mum what she thinks anymore, cos if it wasnt her suggestion i could bet my life she wouldnt approve.

Dont let it sress you out, i bet you looked frickin amazing in that dress xx

Oh god! My worst nightmare. My mums been pretty overbearing so far and I've sworn to not let her bother me anymore, but if she did this to me I'd be broken

I think sometimes some of us put too much stock in our mums opinion. You need to have a good moan (first step posting on here - well done!) get your confidence back and reassert yourself. You wouldnt have chosen all that stuff if it didnt look just perfect!!!

We all have different tastes, I wouldn't take what your mom said too much at heart, I had 2 dresses that I loved, one made my Mom and sister cry the other they thought was lovely, I put up a post on here and every person chose the same as them, I bought the other because I felt better in it and it made me cry every time i tried it on.

At the end of the day it's what you and your hubby to be wants, I will be doing excatly what we want and if somebody doesnt like it then that their problem x

Ah footlong- does us all good to have an outpouring to total strangers.

My mum is exactly the same...everything I have told her about the wedding she sort of gives me a "oh...yes, thats nice dear" she can never be excited about my ideas.

I think is a generation gap she dosnt "get" alot of our ideas (postboxes, non matching groom+bridal party etc, camper van) and she cant compute it in her head- he friend at works daughter got married last year and it was the full tophat and tails works, rolls royces and the rest of it- in her mind thats a "proper" wedding and our civil ceremony in a hotel wont quite cut it...

Never mind footlong- I know its dissapointing when mothers dont love our ideas as much as we do but remember we love them ? (too fluffy?!)

I tried to reply to this @ wkend but BB was playin up!

Mothers really do have this knack of denting your confidence.

My mother kept telling me she loved lace dresses (my dress had no lace whatsoever) would I not consider an up do for my hair (I always have hair around my face)...It not nice & can make you feel rubbish. I told her lace wasnt me & that I am extremely peculiar about my hair & love the style I have chose & feel confident in it. End of, leave me alone! Yes sometimes, looking back I may well have bit too hard when I responded / yelled but I was at the end of my tether. I loved everything about my day.

Be secure & confident in your own choices. Only you know what you feel good in. And its your day. Dont let it eat at you because she wouldnt have been trying to upset me, IYKWIM.

I think you should go back & try on your dress with all your accessories & with someone else who will big everything up to get a bit of 'fluffiness' back.x

Mothers!

My mum is not a gushy type, and never says I look beautiful/pretty and never uses any ajectives apart from "nice". I noticed it particularly last week when I went for a fitting and my MIL and SIL came too. They were gushing, saying how amazing my dress was and that I would be a beautiful bride, whilst mum sat there saying nothing. I think sometimes, that is what we need to hear. Esp as I had bought something vintage and was having it embellished with my own ideas. I bought some lovely clutches from Folksy and showed them to my mum, she just said, "Hmmn". I actually had to say to her- "Do you like them." Before she admitted that they were lovely. I just think she finds it difficult to say nice things about me to my face. She posted a status on FB after the fitting to say I looked beautiful. Thanks mum, but why can't you just say it?

Perhaps your mum just finds it difficult to say nice things, and for her, it's easier to criticise. Perhaps she is traditional and can't get her head around non-traditional things? Your bouquet sounds absolutely amazing (can you/have you flashed on here by the way I wanna see !?!), I am sure you will look fabulous carrying it. You know your own mind and style and know what suits you. I am sure you have made all the right decisions and your husband will be blown away when he sees you.

Have you got a BM who can give you some reassurance?

Thanks all for the replies. I'm not *really* doubting my decisions - I have enough confidence to carry through what I want to do. I also pulled my mother up when she said my bouquet was horrible - we are very open with each other (which is presumably why she feels able to criticise without impeachment!). The next morning, in our hotel room, I found my carefully-wired brooch bouquet with some of the brooches pulled off and some of the beads broken, because she tried to make it look like she thought it should (as a compromise, you understand, she still thinks it's horrible). I just don't see the point of making me feel crap this close to the wedding. With a week to go, does she think I'm going to be able to rethink my bouquet (even if I wanted to), order new earrings and even change venue (apparently, my Dad is very disappointed with my choice because it is too small to include everyone....kind of why we chose it). How is it appropriate to make me question all this? She's also dissed the food and said she won't bother with the starter. She wants to walk in behind me (all BM's going first) to make sure my train is pulled out properly because my Dad couldn't possibly manage - I have a corner to turn so it's never going to stay pulled out anyway. She's pooh-poohed any suggestion that my boy contact my Dad to sort out who's thanking who in speeches (to check there's no unexpected repitition). Oh god, I really am offloading here...sorry all.

I think part of the problem is that she has been far removed from the planning process. She doesn't share our style and doesn't get the vision we are creating with the venue/decorations/etc. I'm sure, once she sees it it all come together, she'll love everything we've done. But for now, she's treating me like my wedding is some ill-thought out party in a sh*tty restaurant (still so disappointed it's not a church, it was my Dad's dream, apparently). And basically, she thinks that she could do better.

She pulled bits off the bouquet?! Good lord, does she not realise how long it took you to make it?

It all sounds horribly frustrating. Just ignore her and get on with it all. When it comes to the day she'll see how lovely you'll look and not saying anything (hopefully!)

It'll all come together on the day I'm sure.

Apart from in our heads, we haven't really discussed too much with anyone else about the 'whole day experience', we've asked for input when necessary but we're perfectly capable of planning our wedding without any input from parents unless we specifically ask for it.

I know it's natural to want your mum to like everything you want for your day, but that's the thing - it's your day, not hers, and if she doesn't like it or it doesn't fit her dream for your day, then that's her problem, not yours.

You are just as married if you wear a jeans and t-shirt in a registry office as you are a full on "proper wedding" as she calls it in a church etc. What gets you married are the vows and legal declarations in front of a registrar and two witnesses, and the piece of paper. Everything else is gravy.

My mum is like that all the time - but she showed no interest in the wedding (I was almost glad as I didnt have to put up with any of her 'I'm going to make you feel like crap' comments) and even on the day when she saw things she knew nothing about, she didn't even comment on them and hasn't barely mentioned the day to me since.

Don't listen to her Footlong, block it all out...

Here is a pic of the outfit. Not the best angle but really, are those earrings too ornate? Is the hair flower sooo wrong?

The earrings on their own:

And my bouquet (stem not wrapped yet and need to rewire some of the brooches Is it horrible enough to need to trash it?

FTLOMB I hope that she pulls herself together and shows some support. As you say you are confident enough to see your plans through without any approval from anyone other than your boy, but what she is doing is hurtful and undermining. As you say you are very open with her, I would tell her directly - 'I want your support and company mum, I am not looking for constructive criticism at this time. Me and Mr FTLOMB are happy with our choices so please respect them'. Or maybe what I'm sure lots of us were taught as a child - 'If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!' I guess she feels she can be open and entirely truthful with you which is great on many levels, but it is a little late in the day to be making you feel guilty/pressured/like you should change things. That is entirely unfair and not what you need shortly before your wedding day.

If my mum had trashed my bouquet like that I would have gone flippin mental!

*Note to self* Must go and give my mum a big hug and tell her thanks for not being a Mother-of-the-Bride-zilla!

Added after seeing your flashes - IMO everything teams together perfectly. No need to listen to what your mum has said. Trust your original instincts. It is all STUNNING, end of.

Earrings? No problem.

Hair flower? No problem.

Bouquet? No problem.

I think, as you say, it's a generational thing - they just don't "get it" because we have so many options available to us that they couldn't even dream of when they got married, and partly as a result of that every wedding back then was more or less identical too. Sometimes I can't help but wonder whether there's some sort of jealousy because they see things now that they wish they had back then, and think that why should you have it so let's put it down and hope you change your mind.

He he, I was thanking my lucky stars at how brilliant my Mum had been all the way through. Until last weekend. Maybe she saved it all up and it's out now so done with

I hope so and now she has had her say, she can let you get on with it in peace!

Honestly? It all looks amazing. End of.

That is worse than being snipy all along. As you and others have said, what is the point in being like this so close to the wedding when, even if there was a problem with your bouquet, what can you do about it now?

FWIW (I say this as you are the kind of person who knows your mind), I think you have excellent taste and style. Your bouquet is quirky and classy, your dress is elegant and sophisiticated. I am not an earring fan, but I love the timelessness of yours.

Footlong my dearest, it all looks amazing...and it is clear that you have put a HUGE amount of work into putting everything together so beautifully, so trying to put myself in your shoes, I think what would hurt most is the underlying feeling that your Mum's comments and general air hint that she has no idea quite how much work has actually gone into these details!

And however confident a person is, any doubt from those nearest to us about any situation is bound to knock us sideways a bit.

Is it possible that you could have a quiet sit down with her and just say that you appreciate her love and support, but at this point you really don't need to hear any criticism of any kind, so even if she doesn't agree with the choices you have made she needs to keep it to herself?!

It all looks amazing,really does,i think it all goes together beautifully. I am not having any trouble with my own mum but my MIL has not spoken to me or contacted me for the last two weeks after a phone conversation with her son asking us to change all the table plan as she was not happy with where her other son and his family were sitting (she had not seen it). I was fuming and the OH told her that,she has said she is to scared to phone me and i have tried a few days ago to call her back,she was at work but has not phoned back.

It is really frustrating as everything has passed without any hassle ..until now.

You can't please everyone so i wouldn't bother even trying...i can't believe she touched your brooches!

Thanks all. I feel MUCH better now. Just seeing the pics again has made me realise how much I love it all.

And KV - I'm not an earring person either (hence the lack of pierced ears)! Ironically, it ws my mother who persuaded me to wear some ?

It all looks stunning. Absolutely stunning. And if you love it, that's all that matters. They always say brides look their best when they are comfortable in what they are wearing and are happy with their choices - and from those pictures, you should be very happy with your choices! Your mum will see on the day, I'm sure.

Footlong - I can't believe your own mother could damage your bouquet like that! You can never make everyone happy or expect everybody to like the same things you do but that is part of life & it is your day, not your mothers. You have one of the most exceptional dresses on Hitched & you clearly have very much your own style which works extremely well for you. It would be wrong for you to change what is very personal to you & Mr Footlong just to suit your mother. I personally would be going a tad bridezilla like about the damage to the bouquet & I think it says a hell of a lot for you that you have managed to be more restrained!