A bit of a WWYD/AIBU

Could you switch gyms to one near work, maybe cut your routine down a bit so you spend 1.5 hrs there every other day or something?

I have the same problem with exercising - not enough hours in the day to exercise and eat, so naturally eating takes priority - this maybe why most of my clothes no longer fit ?

I'm not sure I understand. Previously you got home earlier (eg 7.30) after running, then cooked etc and LOYL came round at 9.30 to eat, chat etc. Now you get home at 8.30 (if you go to the gym) so have less time to relax, cook etc before LOYL's arrival at 9.30? Is that it?

Sorry if I'm being dense. I'm not trying to sound dismissive, I'm just checking I've understood before offering advice/sympathy etc

I dont really understad the question

Just had another idea - could you scrap the gym and exercise at home instead? Cuts out the clocking in/locker/changing etc time. Obviously if you go to the gym to swim this is not really going to work...

Could you not use the council gym nearest your office at lunch time? Don't know where you're based but there is (was) a good one not far from Victoria that I used when I worked there. didn't matter that I wasn't a resident of the borough.

Could you both go to the gym on the same nights and each spend a little less time there so he gets to yours around 9ish and you get back around 8?? Would give you a bit of leeway if you need to do any shopping etc afterward?

Then you can still have some time to yourself and eat at 9.30 ish so giving Mr a chance to catch his breath before eating.

Sounds all far too energetic to me though <lazybonesicon> ?

Could you both forget the gym and have down and dirty vigorous sex before dinner instead??

ETA- and put a pedometer on your g-string and ensure you do 3,000 bounces?

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When I used to go to the gym after work, I'd not get home until 9pm. I stopped trying to go 4 or 5 times a week and went a couple of times but for a longer workout. On days I got home late, we'd eat something dull and quick for dinner. Does LOYL have to go to the gym every night? I think exercise can sometimes take over you life. I know I used to be quite obsessed.

Thanks everyone.

I think the issue really is that gym is more time-consuming that running. It takes nearly two hours in the morning to get ot the gym, exercise and get home again, whereas a run would take maybe 50 minutes for the same exercise value.

I've only recently joined the gym near home and I love it, it's so much nicer than any of the ones I've seen that are near work and cheaper so switching isn't an option.

Exercising at home - no go, there's nothing I can do that's really intense enough.

KN, yes, that is basically it ? It means that if there's anything else I need to do - shopping etc, or I get held up at work - I won't start my workout until c.7.30 so won't get home until 9, and I just hate getting home that late if I still have to cook a meal. I love my relaxed pottering time.

I don't mind it once a week, but I neeeed my three workouts during the week otherwise I get horrendously ratty, and I find 6am starts almost impossible if I've only got to bed at 12.

Gah, I am being HM I know.

A few thoughts-

- shower at home not at the gym so that it feels like it's part of your relaxing evening not a chore (also maybe quicker as no need to queue for anything, if that's an issue)

- become super-efficient re grocery shopping etc. I have done this and now do every scrap of shopping online (apart from the odd trip to the nice butcher, cheese shop etc, which is a pleasure rather than a chore to be fitted in) using Ocado's subscription service (£8.99/month gets you as many free deliveries as you want). It saves hours, but does mean you lose some spontaneity.

- could you do a Friday morning gym trip? That way you'd have the weekend to catch up on missed sleep.

You are being a bit unreasonable because there really are only two choices - ditch the gym or batch cook and have nice food ready to heat up.

Sadly no-one can see 'here you go, Sophie, I have knitted you an extra hour for gym days, it's in the post'. Also, this is all your own choice, not circumstance.

I know I probably sound mean. I am quite mean though ?

L
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? Lois, my awareness that this is my problem is what's stopped me telling loml he's bloody well got to be home by 8 if he wants to be fed so I can get to sleep by 11 and be up for gym in the mornings.

KN - that's pretty much what I already do. I never shower at the gym because I find it takes ages when you're forever getting stuff in and out of your bag/locker and carrying loads of toiletries and makeup around is a pain. Plus the walk to and from the gym then forms a warm-up/down.

Where's his gym? Could he go in the morning too?

L
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I found the gym a drag (I can't run) when I worked longer hours. Could you do less/ no exercise? Can you go at the weekends? Or combine exercise into your day? How far is work? Could you walk?

I have now changed jobs to somewhere 2.5 miles away so I can cycle, and I work 8-4 now rather than 7 or 8-7 (ish) and have cancelled my gym membership. I highly recommend this as an option! ?

Why cant he feed himself?

tbh this is what life's about, you choose your priorities and act accordingly. you simply cant do everything.

the other choice would be to find a gym near work, and or tell him to get his arse home earlier. surely he doenst go tot he gym daily? and if he exects you to cook, or you insist on it, then maybe he can find a different gym, or join your gym and go with you.

Pfffft - chance would be a fine thing ?

LOML is wonderful in every way but he is not a morning person. Nor am I really, but I can manage to scrape myself up early once or twice a week, but he hates exercising in the mornings and really likes having a wind-down after work.

so youre accomodating all his needs but not your own. come on, tell him to modify his day. youre being a bit Veruca Salt about it all though ?

Oh I hadn't realised this was an option. I'd definitely suggest it- just say you feel like going to the gym in the morning sometimes and suggest he does likewise so you can still have a nice evening together. It's not an unreasonable demand because it's not a demand at all, it's just a suggestion.

Doughnut, no exercise is def not an option, I become a moody mardy monster when I am not exercising, and I exercise at the weekends anyway. Walking to/from work is doable but again not really intense enough.

Nick - I know, perhaps the title of this post should have been "How can I have my cake and eat it and make trifle?"

He doesn't expect me to cook, it's something I enjoy (as you know) and I think eating together is important if you don't otherwise see much of each other.

Him going to gym with me is a good idea actually, except he'd want to get there at 8 and I'd want to get there at 7.

Hmmm. there doesn't seem to be any compromising going on on his part. Have you raised any of this with him as an issue, or are you assuming that he won't get home earlier/go to gym in am etc?
I fail to see how you have to be the one to work your schedule around him.

L
xx

? Verucca Salt. This is really about me not being able to run I think, once I'm running again all will be peace and harmony.

I cancelled my gym membership too - just too hard to fit everything in and ended up beating myself up for being a lazy cow. I actually lost over a stone once I cancelled as I no longer 'rewarded' myself for a spinning class with four pints, a packet of cigs and a bag of chips ?

Sophie - could you perhaps go to the gym on a weekend instead so you feel like you're getting your exercise quota? Perhaps pay-as-go membership if possible, so you have less pressure to go (wasted money, blah blah). Or make huge batches of tea that require nothing more than a re-heat for the next couple of nights?

so tell him to be there at 7 or he s eating leftovers. whats the issue?

Flissy, the pressure to go is created by the fact that I feel absolutely horrid if I don't - I want/need to exercise and I love it, I just struggle to find time for gym because it's so much more time-consuming than running. I do four or five exercise sessions a week, of which one or two are on weekends anyway. I was on PAYG and it was costing me a fortune to I switched to DD ?

Nick - I've raised it with him before, I think I need to again. He'd be quite happy to come home and sort out something to eat for himself, though - the cooking/eating together is something I do because I like it.

Can you hire/borrow a bike and cycle instead of running?

I think I would go to the gym fewer times a week, but for longer - ie maybe three times a week, for a good two hours. On those days, I'd either eat something batch cooked or very simple. Then on the other days, I'd get my pottering time and cook nicer things.

Incidentally - and I mean this logically - perhaps if you eat a bit earlier in the evening, you might need the gym a bit less? ?

GWTW, the eating-late-makes-you-fat thing is hooey, fortunately ?

Chook, cycling is another great idea but tbh I'd be ***-scared of it in London. I don't know how people do it, it seems ridiculously dangerous.

I thought that was an old wives' tale- a calorie's a calorie.

Sorry Soph but I do think you're making a rod for your own back here. H and I rarely eat together during the week because, much as we'd like to, its rare we're both at home together at a reasonable enough time. Also when his work hours allow H is required to do his fair share of cooking (although appreciating you enjoy cooking). One option may be to allocate particular nights on which you will eat together either later or earlier and both of you scheduling exercise around but otherwise either both cook/eat alone or you cook and then eat when you're ready and he gets his warmed up when he arrives. You can talk to him whilst he eats either at the table or from the sofa.

Can you get to a park fairly quickly? It gets easier/less scary quite quickly.

What about skipping? I've said it before but I find it harder than running. I do it indoors so the lad next door doesn't get to stare at my moobs.