A bit worried, re an old friend (update page 4, sens)

Oh dear, that does sound worrying. There's not much you can do but wait...it will be hard to speak after so long, but better to have a regret about calling than to regret not calling iyswim?

I hope they are ok, and that you are able to contact her soon xxx

Hope things are ok mate. Try not to worry until you hear what's happened, difficult as it is. ?

Why don't you just call the sister's number? Then you can find out what is the matter before you call friend?

Hope you hear soon ((M))

I've tried ringing but it's just ringing out. I suspect her phone is on silent in her bag as she is a nurse in busy hospital so it will probably be a case of a quick text when she can.

Thanks everyone. ? I know I'm catastrophising but it's really hard not to.

Actually, I think that's really naughty of the sister! What a horrid message to send to someone, I'd be very p!ssed off. I'd wait to speak to the sister before calling the friend as after finding out what it is you may not feel it's appropriate for you to make contact and it's your choice to make, not hers, issuing instructions to you.

Try not to worry as if it was something serious the sister would have told you ?

I was just about to say what poochanna said

Hope you find out what it is soon ?

I'm also thinking if it was something serious or sensitive the sister would have told you?

Reading your post pooch has given me some food for thought and a little bit of perspective. I just thought straight away that something must be wrong and she has either asked for me or her sister has thought it's something serious enough for me to have to call her. I guess it's not her call to make but my friend may have asked for her to get in touch with me? The sister understands why we don't see each other any more, I think she would make the same call if it wasn't her sister to be honest.

Sister might not want to tell me something serious via facebook though? Hopefully she'll call back soon so I can find out what is happening.

Thanks everyonek I appreciate your replies. ?

Her husband died on Saturday. ☹️

Sadly he was the reason why we weren't in touch any more. The poor girl is on her own with three kids under 8 now. Sh!t.

Oh no. Thats awful.

The thing is though, she hasn't handled it well at all. You haven't spoken to this person for two years, there's a reason behind it. If the friend has asked for you, the sister should have called you and explained the situation and said " x would really love to hear from you, please give her a call it would mean a lot" or at the very least emailed and said that. I'm annoyed at the way she's handled it. She's sent an ambiguous email, got you all worried and flustered and left you thinking something awful has happened. If you do call, you need to call with an understanding of what's going on.

Oh goodness mrs m - thoughts with you all. Have you spoken to your friend?

How awful for your friend ☹️

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Oh that's horrible. The poor poor woman.

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It's times like these that people really find out who their friends are and seeing the type of person you are within these boards I'd say she's lucky that you're one of them.

Oh Mrs M. What a horrible way to find out bad/sad news.

I'm with the others who said it was a sh!tty way to get in touch. Text messages are no excuse for that kind of communication IMO. No excuse whatsoever. Especially ambiguous ones like that.

Your friendship suffered due to your friend's husband you say. Could the rift be mended now, or has too much water gone under the bridge?

I just bit the bullet and called when her sister sent me a text with her number. All I know is that he died on Saturday, she is with someone at the moment so is going to call me back.

I feel so sad for her. ☹️

I have to go up to the funeral for her and the kids, I can't not go. Will I look like a complete hypocrite? Sh!t, the poor love and those poor kids. Life is so unfair.

I don't think you'd look like a hypocrite at all ?

Sorry to hear that Mrs M.

WSS...nothing more to add but the above is true of you. Thinking of you all x

You're not a hypocrite, you're a lovely friend and you are going to be there for your friend when she needs you. ?

You lost touch because of her husband, not anything your friend did, you obviously feel bad that you've lost touch and have thought about her often, being there for her now does not in any way, shape or form make you a hypocrite ??

Bloody hell, what terrible news. You won't look like a hypocrite at all. If you were friends for so many years then you can be friends again now and the sister must realise what a good friend you were/are to have called you in the first place.

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That's really sad ? Have you spoken to your friend?

Why would you feel a hypocrite, because you didn't really get on with the husband? If so, then you are silly for even thinking it, you are supporting your friend and that doesn't even come into it.

I think it probably could be and I think I have to try. She was pretty much cut off from everyone when she met her husband about 9 years ago. I stayed in sporadic contact for some time after that though. At her childrens' christenings, there was her and her husband, he parents, sister, me and my mum. That was it. How sad is that? It took a lot of soul searching for me to cease contact and even though it was the right thing at the time, it's still hard and I do still miss her and the kids. We were like sisters growing up and were best friends for year. It might never be like that again but I have to show her I'm still here and I still love her, despite all that's happened.

If I'm welcome, we're definitely going up to the funeral. H, me and my mum will be at least three more seats at the service. How horrible will it be to see only a few people at your husband's funeral?

Do you think sending some flowers and a card are appropriate? I could find a way to let her know that despite everyrthing that has gone on, I am still her for her?

Of course you have to go, to support your friend and her kids, your God-children.

You won't look like a hypocrite at all ?

Life is unfair ☹️

Oh my darling I am so sorry.

What I must say may sound harsh, but I plead with you to only go to the funeral if you feel physically fit enough, please do not exhaust yourself. Friendships work from two sides and she must understand that if you are not well enough you physically will not be there, but will visit when you can and will keep them in your thoughts and will talk to her when she needs you (within reason)

You are such a kind person and put so many people before yourself, but I don't want you to do that to any detriment to your health.

Love you lots and am here if you need to sound off xxx

Edited to add a 'not' as it didn't make much sense.

Very appropriate. No matter what, she is still grieving as well as trying to hold it all together for her children. I'm sure you'll be more than welcome Mrs M.

And absolutely ditto what MF said about looking after yourself too, although I'm sure you'd want to go and be there for her, especially as she may not understand how life is for you now as you've not been in regular contact.

Take care of you too ?

Thank you everyone. xx

MF, thank you lovely, I do understand what you mean and appreciate it. ? She was the only friend who stayed in touch with me when I was housebound in my teens and used to visit every week with a little present for me. I just have an overwhelming feeling I need to be the person who goes to her now, despite everything.

H has leave, so he can take 3 days off, letting us go up the day before and come back the day after, staying with my mum. I'm not feeling on top of the world but I think I should manage. The main bugger is we still don't have the new car so going to have to go up in his little fiesta, I think it should get us there though!

If he died on Saturday, depending on the circumstances obviously, it should be towards the end of the week, shouldn't it? It it's Thursday or Friday, we'll be able to go up for a bit longer.

I agree with pooch in that the way the sister has handled this is pretty poor.

plus, i d be speaking to the friend first, before mentally committing yourself to going anywhere. your (commendable) desire to be there for her is brilliant, but i would tread carefully.

What terrible news ☹️

I think flowers and a card would be a lovely gesture to shop she has your support and thoughts?