A hello, and a WWYD scenario

Life is far too short. Invite them ove, it'll be fun.

Hi Peaches! Lovely to see you back. Sorry about your foot, I hope you feel better soon.

I can identify with your friend situation as a lot of mine live abroad. I would give it another go - it would be a shame to lose friends like that. I find myself having to make a lot of effort to keep in touch with mine, which is annoying, but I have come to realise that sometimes life gets in the way. Im sure they haven't forgotten you - but distance does take its toll sometimes, and its all to easy to think ah well, stuff 'em! However, being devils avocado - have you contacted them much in 14 months? Hope you can give it another go!

?

I used to think you could never have too many friends but then realised that bothering with people who were flaky just took my time and attention away from the friends that really were good to me. Would you be similarly hurt if they didn't speak to you for another 18 months after June?

Very pertinent point, Baron.

The cynic in me says that they're looking for a cheap place to stay when they come over. I can understand that distance makes friendship a bit more difficult - but that's not an excuse for when you came back to the UK. My gut reaction would be to reply "If you come over, would be great to meet up. Where are you thinking of staying? ", or something similar. No problems meeting up with them, but I'm not sure I'd want them staying if it were me.

Can you offer to find them a hotel - that way they're there and gives you chance to catch up and evaluate if it's going anywhere, but without the constant pressure of them staying at your home?

I've had a few flaky friends and tbh I've been happier without them around. On the other hand good friends are hard to come by and it would be a shame to lose them if there's a chance of getting over this.

Thanks guys .. it's good to get a different perspective on things.

My first reaction was 'wow, good to hear from them both', but couldn't read the email properly as I was out with a group of people and otherwise engaged. When I had chance to read their emails properly I didn't quite know how to react. I sent them to Mr P who wrote back and said he didn't really want them over (he finds one of them hard going to be fair - she is very 'in your face' and we've holiday-ed with her before for a week, so know from experience). He's not into friends like I am - at all - so his reaction was to be expected. He's far more a family man. But then if you had MY family, you'd choose your friends every time LOL

Have I been in touch? Yes! Lots! Especially to begin with! Emails and texts and updates on what we were doing and where we were going. But after Christmas 2007 when they completely ignored me, my calls/texts and we didn't get together as planned (I have NO idea why, to this day) and their birthday/Christmas presents sat there at my Mum's until Christmas just gone!) I tailed off.

One (ex??) partner got in touch a couple of months ago to invite us to Portugal for his 'big' birthday, but when we replied with a 'thanks, but can't go', he didn't reply back when we emailed, and asked how the friends were etc. Is he an ex now we wonder? Especially as the news was 'a broken leg and a new live-in lover' (we know who had the broken leg, but don't know who the live-in lover belongs to!)

Yes, life is short. And it would be good to see them.

Pah. Mr P says they have lots of sucking up to do!

So you were out with friends, yet checking your iphone for emails? ? can you see the irony in that?

to answer the question, if theyre the kind of people whereby if youre together youre together, and if youre not, youre not, then see them when youre in england, but dont have them stay with you; it ll be hard work. tbh, from my own point of view, i couldnt be arsed. youre either friends with someone and you keep in touch, or youre not, and you dont.

That's exactly what Mr P says.

Which made us discuss the visitors we have had so far since we've been here.

Out of everyone who has visited and stayed over, only one couple offered to cook anything! Mr P's eldest daughter and fiance! We've been taken out for meals, and it's not all been bad at all (hope it doesn't come across that way), but a couple of times we have felt like hoteliers.

As for your question Baron .. I think I'd got to the point of being 'over them' IYKWIM. I was very hurt by their lack of contact Christmas 2007. Very. And into 2008 too. But then my life got busy here and they went to the back of my mind. I know life gets in the way - but a quick 'hello' email goes a long way, doesn't it? All of a sudden to get a gushing 'we love you, we miss you, we want to stay with you' does smack of hey, lets go to America and stay with Peaches coz that'll be cheap. Or am I just too cynical in my old age?

I have to say I would be cynical too! but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time, its one of my flaws!

Just trying to look at the other side of things, you mention when you left you kept sending text and email updates,etc. Could they have been ignoring you for a while because they were pee'd off at your new exciting lifestyle and thought you were showing off about how great life in the states was/jelous/etc...Obviously you werent, but I know some people who can misinterpret your own excitement about something new to be showing off and it can create tension especially when their jelous...not sure Ive expressed what I mean very well! But they may have now got over it which is why theyre back in touch? And would explain why they were great when you first went back to the UK, but not after that? Just a thought....

Well yeah, exactly! But I had a few moments as I was wheelchair bound and couldn't join the group up the stairs (I'd organised a day-trip for a group of Expat ladies) so I had a quick shifty of my emails before they came to get me!

I'm just trying to picture what it would be like having them here, and I know it would be hard work for Mr P especially. He wouldn't take time off work (not for friends - for his daughters he does), so to come home after a hard day's toil, then have to put up with my gabby friends and their OHs (even worse if the OHs don't come - I don't know what they plan on doing - girls only, or boys too - and one of them is new by the sounds of it), so I think I'd be inclined to recommend a hotel and let them come visit during the day.

I guess I'm getting to the point where I'm not as excited by visitors stopping over so much anymore. It's hard work having someone in your house for at least a week at a time. It's expensive. And bloody time consuming taking them everywhere.

I'm becoming a Grumpy Old Woman, aren't I ?

I do have some mates who when we're together it's like nothing ever happened but we're not good at keeping in touch in the mean time. That's sort of ok, I think, it's expected that you can't keep up with everyone.

I'd still be really hurt that no one bothered replying to things though, they sound out of order.

If you're really undecided, I'd test the water - I'd give a general brief catch-up reply - something like good to hear from you, blah blah blah and see what they come back with....

Sorry to hear about your foot - hope you're on the mend!

It sounds like you don't think it would be much for for yourself and mr p to have them over, in which case, don't.

L
xx

Doubt it because at first it was sh!te! I hated it here! I missed my family and friends and knew NO-ONE to begin with. When I say 'kept sending texts and emails' - it wasn't every 5 minutes. And to be honest, the texts and emails they ignored were the ones that were just to them trying to arrange dates and times for the pre-arranged get together for a day Christmas 2007. It was mostly due to them I went back a week earlier than Mr P to catch up with my friends, ex-work people and ex-college (different course) lot.

Good point, but I don't think that was the reason.

Forgot to say, what was up with your foot and is it better now or still painful?

L
xx

I only like having certain people to stay. and even then, i m bloody glad when they go ?

in fact generally, i hate visitors. esp madams friends, theyre so LOUD and then theres the dancing around singing nonesense, and them putting * on the dvd on sunday morning when theyre all hungover. on the positive side, one has a great pair of jugs and is happy to walk around semi naked. so its not all bad.

*

anything from:

pretty woman
dirty dancing
bridget jones
grease
saturday night fever

etc, etc etc

Hey glad to see you are back and recovering. Life is too short to hold grudges but it is also to short to run round after people who are usIing you for what they can get. I would go for the hotel option too. It's hard work having people to stay even if you like them a lot and it sounds like they may revert to flakiness after they have had their lovely cheap holiday. Then if it doesn't work out and they aren't who you hope they are and if you can't quite rekindle the old friendship at least you can go home and moan in peace.xx

I had an arthritic lump removed from my big toe and a Tailor's bunion from my little toe - both on my left foot. Still wheelchair/crutches bound and weaning myself off Vicodin (terrible, terrible painkillers! Make me hallucinate, sleep like a baby and cry lol - much like House!) Mucho pain, slowly subsiding nearly 2 weeks later. Another 4-6 weeks off my foot ?

Thanks for asking!

PS. When are you visiting?! Hope this thread hasn't put you off!! ?

Waaah, if I mention to H you are 'just like House because you're taking Vicodin for your leg/foot' we will probably be on the next flight over ?

At the moment, holiday is dependant on

1. doing some serious turnover in the next couple of months (good start to feb, so who knows)

or

2. selling Oscars (which is actually looking quite promising)

In which case we could do a Houston/Vegas holiday. Not sure if I need to add NY in as sister lives there, but it's not like we realy have the urge to see each other so I think we can skip it.

Am so excited, even though we have absolutely nothing concrete atm

L
xx

I'd probably reply saying it was great to hear from them again and you'd love to arrange to meet for dinner when they are over. See what the reply is. I'd personally be annoyed at them not replying to my emails and not making an effort to keep in touch so would not be inviting them to stay.

Tell Mr HL I'm just like House - I'm moody, I'm totally unreasonable, my SOH has gone out of the window, I roll my eyes with expertise and I'm bloody useless on crutches! Although I have a marvellous ability to trip people up (including myself!) on them ?<whistles>

Houston/Vegas sounds awesome! I can't wait to go back to Vegas, although I can see I'm going to have to go sans Mr P as he's not into the place at all!

Good luck selling Oscars (did I ever tell you that was my first dog's name?! Black poodle!)

Keep me abreast of things .. can't wait to see you! ?

Was thinking of something along those lines. Will give it more thought .. or not. Depending on how I feel! ?

Someone posted this on FB this morning .. very apt I thought

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.