A question - BT.. *UPDATE*

We talked about children not long after we got together. Didn't set any plans then but both knew we wanted children sooner rather than later. After we got married one day we were just lay in bed and I asked him if he wanted to ditch the condoms and see what happened. He said yes and that was it.

Weirdly, despite neither of us being particularly desperate to have kids, we have discussed it on a number of occasions. I went a bit mental a couple of years ago and desperately wanted us to start trying for a baby after Christmas of that year (fpr all the wrong reasons; a couple of my friends had babies and I was feeling left behind in the biological sense). He agreed that we would, but I saw sense and it never happened anyway, thank God!

2-3 years, to me, sounds sensible. You can enjoy being together, setting up a home. I wouldn't want to be rude and ask your age, but is it a factor? I am almost 35 so am on a bit more of a countdown...is this the same for you or *could* you wait a bit?

Maybe he wants to feel like a husband for a bit, rather than a baby-maker! Plus, men can get pretty overwhelmed with stuff; he could well still be 'recovering' from the excitement of the wedding. Maybe he just wants to pace himself with all the big life stuff?!

We have spoke about it a fair few times over the years- he wanted to try before he was 30 which is next August- that isn't going to happen now because of my re training for the next year or so, then I will want at least couple of years in my new job. He doesn't mind- means we will have more money and be able to swan off traveling a lot more

Talk to him.

About 3 weeks after we met I explained how I felt about all such serious 'relationship matters'.

5 months in we made the verbal commitment to get together and have children (if possible). At 36 and 37 years old it was a decision we wanted to make sooner than later. So that's what we're doing. We''re both 37 now and trying to have a baby.

But we've bought a house together, it was important to me to have that side of things sorted. I didn't want the hassle/stress of it at the same time as TTC.

You should definitely talk to him and tell him you felt a bit anxious as you didn't want to wind him up. Thing is, if he says 3 years and you say now, the comprom,ise is 18th months, after which you'd be fully settled in to house - how does that sound to you?

Talk to him... its the only way you will find out what he truely wants, you might be able to meet in the middle and start trying once you are in your new home, a years time!?!

We had discussed it before marriage and had said we wanted a good year together as husband and wife, the main factor being we had never lived together.

We talked about it before we had even met in person (we met online). We both said we didn't want more kids (he had 2, I had 1).

Once we'd met in person, it took about 3 weeks for us to change our minds. I didn't hesitate in bringing it up, as it's a big thing.

I'm 26 this year. We've been together for 7 years and we have previously talked about children and we both want to have them, it's just the 'when' bit where we're on different pages I guess. I can understand that he might feel overwhelmed by it. I get that. Its a massive deal!

18 months doesn't sound like the end of the world I guess, KG! In fact it's probably very sensible all things considered with what's involved with house buying etc..

I guess I've got baby fever and I'm feeling really broody..

My H and I are kind of the opposite way around from you and your H.

We bought our house with my mum, did it up, agreed to keep it 5 years an hopefully make something on it. This means we will move out in about 3 years, we then agreed that we'd wait another 1 before trying to give us a year on our own eg. Fancy holiday, date nights etc. then we'd try.

Hes changed his mind and four years is FAAR too long, he's so broody too which isn't helping. I'm downright terrified of childbirth (not to mention actually looking after a tiny baby) and we've kind of compromised. We've talked about it and were kind of planning to have a big holiday in a couple of years and start trying after that.

You can only bring it up and see, h was stunned that I didn't just say no!

I think you have no choice but to talk to him about it. Otherwise you can't know for sure what he'll say and you won't be able to come up with a plan. 18 months would pass fairly quickly, particularly if you're planning to buy a house in the middle of that too.

We discussed it from early on, my hubby is 9 years older than me. We decided to TTC around the time we decided to make a go of things properly (we had been to-and-fro for about 2 years). We also decided to get married and got a ring etc, then we fell the first month of trying (!) so had to quickly get engaged before we hit 12 weeks as it was important to us we had that promise of commitment in place first. ff 18months and we go married, and now baby #2 is arriving soon(ish) as that was our planned age gap.

Just a word of warning, we TTC for #2 when we did as we wanted a smallish age-gap. In an ideal world we would have had Year One of marriage first. TTC and pregnancy are really testing times on any relationship,and whilst you may think getting married changes nothing much for your relationship dynamic, it can do. This year (so far) has been really tough for us at times. Hubby feels a bit like he has missed out on so much 'us' time and just be being a wifey as I have been out of bounds./ill/tired from pregnancy (and toddler). We are also mid-buying a house at the moment too. I mean, why not add more stress to the list!

unless you really need to, don't be in a rush. As I say, TTC and pregnancy can be very testing on any relationship, plus even that aside, Year One of marriage can be testing at times as well. Things will happen when the time is right. I'm a firm believer in that.

good luck, and just make sure you keep communicating with your hubby x

We had this issue too. The day of my 12 week scan, we got news he had got a new job closer to my house. H and I didn't move in together until our son was almost 2 months old... We got news that we had got our house, when I was on the maternity ward.

Not ideal circumstances to have a baby in, but we made it work.

We had this issue too. The day of my 12 week scan, we got news he had got a new job closer to my house. H and I didn't move in together until our son was almost 2 months old... We got news that we had got our house, when I was on the maternity ward.

Not ideal circumstances to have a baby in, but we made it work.

Hey Kentish, how are you finding it? (if that's even a thing you can ask?!)

I'm starting to get stick from people for leaving it so 'late' (I'm 34 now); thing is, I just don't feel ready to even think about having a kid atm- in my mind I'm still 12!- but in 3-4 years I might well do...have you experienced any problems with fertility, etc? Sorry if that's really personal, feel free to ignore! ?

We spoke about it very early on so we both knew it was a sooner rather than later thing, just had to get past certain obstacles first (sounds negative, but they are positive obstacles!), get married and move house.

Now we are past the first one and in the process of the 2nd, we now feel H needs to secure a more stable well paid job first though if that doesn't happen within the next year I think we will start trying. Age is more on my side than his, though he's only 32 he feels he wants to be a dad before too long.

Haha. My H said that if we lived together during my pregnancy, we wouldn't be together now. He stayed over mine a fair bit, but he was always glad to go back to his for a break...

He made fajitas, but folded mine "wrong", so I kicked him out, and didn't speak to him for 3 days... Got to love those pregnancy hormones.

About two weeks in-

Me: do you want kids

him: dunno really, not that fussed.

me: shall we worry about it later.

him:ok.

thats how it's stayed. Every now and then I have some vague urge to have a baby but then the reality of it hits home and I remember the thought of kids makes me feel ill.

OH has always wanted children. I was never that fussed until about 6 months into marriage. Now its a real over whelming urge & I get upset when my period comes. If OH gets upset he doesn't show it!

I can't remember when we first had that discussion, though it was never going to be on the cards before we were married. Once that was done, we kind of worked out what we wanted to achieve before having a child, and roughly when we'd be able to do that. I had hoped it would be later this year but that's looking unlikely now. I'm getting more and more broody and it's really hard!

Originally, I had said no to kids but I was only 21 then and slowly changed my mind (not because of OH but just other things). We agreed how we'd do things, house, marriage and then kids. It's actually ended up with marriage first then house but we've both decided we'd wait until we're a bit more settled before we do the kids - initially we said we'd wait a year but now we've said maybe a little sooner!

I would suggest trying to discuss it but, before you do so & to avoid him being huffy, have a think as to why you are ready now and why he wants to wait - then weigh up the two before you start the discussion. You could always just bring it into conversation by referring to friends/family who are (or maybe not) trying for babies or something?

Alternatively, talk about it when you're p*ssed. I find that works really well with my OH. He's a lot more amenable to things when he's had a few...

ha ha ha ha ?

Totally! We decided to buy a house together when drunk. And to have kids. And to get married. Three separate drunken conversations. It's so much fun!!

We're waiting until O/H has a nice wage enough to support us as a little family, so I can bring the kids up without having to 'work' myself. This way I can properly run my crafty business and well as be a full time mummy.

So give it 3 years for us too. I am only 23 though so I think I'm still young.

Our priorities were house, then marriage then children (neither want kids out of wedlock).

For all you know he could be thinking the same as you and wanting to bring it up but not knowing how you will react. Honesty is the best policy and it's best to have the chat.

For me and OH we have always been really open about things like children, we are fortunate that age is on our side so we are in no hurry. We don't want children out of wedlock and want to get a house sorted fierst. We currently rent but would feel more secure if we bought our own place. We have always said 'yes we want children, when it happens it happens' and that is that.

On our first date, I have always wanted children and didn't want to date some one that didn't.

Neither of us wanted kids when we got together but arguably were only kids ourselves (17). Things changed over the years gradually, we kind of grew into it together. After we got married the broodiness really hit and we agreed to try for a baby once we'd bought a place. This was earlier than we originally agreed but it's worked out really well for us. We'll still only be in our early forties when A leaves home for university so we'll have plenty of time together then and we'll probably have more money too!

WW we are the opposite way round to you, my H would have kids tomorrow if we could!

I honestly thought we'd try straight after the wedding but now two years down the line we are still a couple of years off. He would love it if I said to start trying tomorrow but I'm really not ready and I don't think that is something you can compromise on (despite others thinking you can). If you're (or he in your case) is not ready then I don't think its something you can change. I think by all means have an honest conversation with him, he may well feel the same as you in the end.

I also can kind of understand the 'you'll never be able to afford kids' I would guess she meant it more in the way that you can't plan enough/save enough before they are here because its all so unknown!

Update in OP

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Great result WW! How exciting!

Ha ha! Love it!

Fantastic news, that's way better than you thought. I'm really happy for you.

Just a thought, and ignore me if I'm meddling, I just seemed to hear loads about women who got pregnant very soon after coming off the pill and then miscarried. Friends at work, friends of friends etc. So as much as I LOATHE the latex option, I came off the pill a clear 6 months prior to trying just to give my body chance to rid itself of everything. If you did something similar you'd not have many more rounds to do with the pill. Exciting!