***A YorkshireKiwi Wedding Report:*** Part 1: Yorkshire.

Planning: To make an already long story marginally shorter, in true Lauren and John style things didn't quite go to plan in our first year in NZ and to keep the immigration authorities sweet, we had to put off setting a date till we had residency.

It wasn't until late October 2013 that we had cut through enough of the red tape to be able to set a date. We wanted a summer wedding, but didn't want to wait any longer than we needed to. We chose August. Very early on we agreed that planning the wedding would be my job. John just wanted a final look on things before they were bought or booked, but he didn't have the patience for research and shopping around. That suited me just fine. It meant that even if he had the final choice, he'd be choosing from y shortlist, so it was win all the way for me! So I set about planning a wedding, with 10 months to go, from half way round the world – Easy!

A lot of the major stuff was a no-brainer. A church wedding was important to me, not just because of my faith, but also the specific church, where my grandparents, and parents along with most other family members were married before us, and where I was christened. My uncle is a minister at a different church, but he agreed to do the marriage for us. We chose the golf club where my Dad is a member for the reception, and another Uncle is a wedding tog. By the first week of December we had the church, reception, tog and our flights booked. We sent e-cards for save the dates and figured that with the big stuff out of the way we could relax over Christmas and new year and get on with planning the finer details in January.

January: Towards the end of January the minister contacted us to say she'd been worrying since November, and had a feeling that we may not be able to legally marry in the UK. This was a bombshell. We were both British Citizens, still carrying British passports and we wanted to marry in our home country. Surely there could be no problem? (And also why the heck had she waited 3 months to voice her concerns?) Turns out we hadn't done our research on the period required for giving notice.

February: Still wrangling with the legal requirements, we applied to the registrar general for a special license to shorten the period required for giving notice, and to the home office for a dispensation to give notice in NZ as a commonwealth country. Both were declined. We were left having booked and paid for a substantial chunk of a wedding, as well as having informed all our family and friends of the date, but not being able to legally marry. We accepted that we cannot change the law, and settled for a blessing, but were gutted at the thought that what should have been a celebration of our marriage witnessed by friends and family would now be just an afterthought to the wedding itself. (I know this wouldn't have to be the case, and many people choose a blessing after a civil ceremony for a lot of reasons, it's just how we felt at the time). Then my Uncle pointed out that there is no practical or theological reason why a blessing cannot precede a legal marriage. FABULOUS! We would have our wedding day, exactly as we envisioned it and make our vows in front of family and friends, we'd effectively just be postponing the signing of the register to another time. We loved that way of looking at things, and I happily got back to planning.

March: The minister at my family church got back in touch to ask the date of our legal marriage as she would need to sight the marriage certificate before she could authorise the building for use for the blessing. I explained to her that the blessing would be coming first, and our reasoning behind that, but she was totally immovable on it. Even though my Uncle was going to carry out the service she would not allow the use of the building.....so once again we were back to the drawing board. My Dad was devastated at the thought of not walking me down the aisle, the wedding was less than 5 months away and we had no venue and therefore hadn't sent out invitations.....it seemed hopeless and we considered a quickie marriage in NZ even though it wasn't what either of us wanted. Then suddenly I dug my heels in. What was I thinking? There was no way we were going to go against our values and change all our plans just on the say-so of one jobsworth! What was more important, a building, or conducting our marriage the way we wanted to? So we agreed to stick to our guns and find an alternative venue. My lovely Uncle assured us that he would marry is in a field if he had to, now that there was no legal component to the day, the sky was the limit in terms of venue! Luckily for me I didn't have to look that far – a minister at another local church heard what had happened and offered us the use of his church. Between them Hugh, and my Uncle Andy designed the most beautiful wedding ceremony for us. They called it 'A blessing in preparation of marriage – A celebration of love and commitment.'

April: Finally I had all the major things in place! April was a fantastic month. I found Hitched and set up camp. I will be eternally grateful that I wandered onto the forums here. I also discovered the joys of etsy, not on the thigh street, etc........Parcel after parcel was delivered to my parents home. I was slowly planning my wedding, but hadn't seen or touched any of it! My mum took my bridesmaid dress shopping while I sat up all night with chocolate and wine. They skyped me from each shop so I could be part of it and see all the dresses. A beautiful, but peculiar experience. And I went dress shopping for myself. Doing that alone was a bit of a sadness, but I created a private FB album for 5 of my closest friends and family of each dress I tried on and so they got to be part of the decision making process with me. Something which I wouldn't have thought to do in the UK and which was great as these friends were spread all over the country and couldn't have physically got together in one place to shop with me.

May: My handmade invitations finally went out at the beginning of May. It was a real pleasure to create them. I would have loved to have DIY'd much more of the wedding, but it just wasn't practical because of travel/transport. It finally felt we were back on track. Then at the end of the month John had a major mental breakdown.

June/July: June and July passed in a blur of worry. John's mental health was my predominant concern in this time. He had severe depression and was suicidal. At one point I thought he had made an attempt on his life, but that was not the case. He had a couple of psychotic episodes which were frightening to observe, although I never felt physically threatened. He also became so socially anxious that he was virtually unable to leave the house or answer the phone. He was barely recognisable. Throughout that time I never once doubted John, or my relationship with him. I did however have very real doubts about whether we should go ahead with the wedding. Several times I offered to cancel, but each time John said it was what he was focusing on and what he was getting better for, but that he couldn't cope with the detail of it. So planning continued, but went from being something John could take a passing interest in, to being a total secret from him. Most things went to plan, although my Uncle had to back out of being our tog due to ill health. With very little budget left I knew we couldn't afford a pro, but luckily my Dad had a friend who's wife is a keen amateur and photography student who has done a couple of weddings in the past. She agreed to do our day for us at short notice and low cost. I felt so alone wedding planning half a world away and carrying Johns health worries too. I would like to thank the wonderful group of Otters here at Hitched for supporting me through that time and keeping me buoyed up. I would have found it so much harder without you all.

August: Suddenly it was August, and my wedding was less than a month away. John was heaps better and I was just focused on getting home, being with my family again after nearly 4 years away. I had nothing left to organise in NZ, it was all waiting for me in the UK. Sadly my granddad passed away at the beginning of the month. It was sad timing, but a blessed release as he had been so ill for so long he had no real quality of life left. My dress was a bit of a concern having arrived 2 weeks late I didn't have time for a final fitting after the alterations had been made, but I collected it 5 days before we flew and was just happy to have it in my grubby little mitts and be able to pack it (in a brand new suitcase as we found that the mice had eaten our old ones when we came to pack!)

This is like all your threads in one report, I'm smiling with shared memories and that's really bizarre when we've never met IRL. I'm enjoying it loads and looking forward to the rest.

Ditto and what a wonderful way of putting it Looking forward to more and pics too xx

I take my hat off to you - wedding planning is an adventure but even more so for you!

Final Planning: It's hard to describe all that happened when I got back to the UK, what a hugely emotional time! My mum and dad met us at the airport and drove us over to John's parents. John was going to stay with them while I was going back to my parents to make all the final wedding arrangements. John's Dad gave be a stunning jewellery box he had hand made for me as a wedding gift, inside one of the drawers were the initials LW and a swan, which he told me was my birth sign in Celtic Mythology. (I didn't have the heart to tell him I was planning to keep my maiden name and LW would not be my new initials!).

Finally back with my Mum!

Gorgeous gift!

In the whirlwind of the next few days I re-connected with family and friends, met and made final arrangements with the cake maker, florist, photographer and most excitingly met my brothers girlfriend Paula for the first time (she was also my hairdresser for the big day so our mega first meeting also incorporated a hair trial!). John was miles away, and still didn't have a suit for the wedding. Al along he had insisted that he had a suit left behind in the wardrobe at home (UK Home) but as his weight is prone to fluctuations he had no idea if it would fit him. Every day I was on the phone - have you tried your suit yet? No, I'll do it tomorrow! With just a week to go before the wedding I went over to have a few days back with him and finally made him try his suit - thank goodness it still fit! (And still had a buttonhole pinned on and order of service from the last time he wore it, our friends wedding 5 years ago!) He was good to go!

I came down with a stinking chest infection which sapped my energy and I ended up on steroids for a few days. It might be a weird thing to say, but I love those little magic pills, they had me up and about in no time.

The only hitch was in trying on my dress, thank goodness Mum and I decided to to a trying n trial for her to see the dress an learn to fasten it within days of me getting back. Some of the alterations the Kiwi seamstress to the straps were too loose and looked really shabby. An emergency call to my bridesmaids mum who happened to be a seamstress soon had that sorted out.

Back home with family, and meeting my future Sister in Law for the first time.

The wedding, (and of course fitting into the dress) was never far from the back of my mind, but I was also determined that I would enjoy my holiday, and take advantage of all the things I miss from the UK when we are away. Mum joked that she has never known a bride whos pre wedding diet consists of pork pies, fish and chips, black pudding, Yorkshire bitter and Galaxy chocolate!!

I found some space and time to do a bit of DIY with my mum, together we did the table plan, table names and order of services.

Sneaky friends and family also made time for 2 hen do's despite my insistence that I didn't have time for anything. I enjoyed a wonderful meal and drinks with a group of close girlfriends, and a spa day with close family.

Finally the part you've all been waiting for!

OUR WEDDING: The night before the wedding John travelled over with his parents and his brother and family joined me, my parents, brother and Paula for a meal. After which we went and had the wedding rehearsal. For the first time I was overtaken by emotion. Here I was, in the church I would be getting married in in less than 24 hours.

After dropping Johns family off at their hotel and having a few drinks with them, John and I went back to my mums house and went to bed at about midnight.

The morning of the wedding was so surreal. John had bet me that I couldn't keep off Facebook that morning. I am so glad I lost the bet. Overnight some friends of ours had gone and dressed Poppy up as a bridesmaid and sent us pictures and a video of her with good luck messages. We were crying with laughter looking at them, it was the perfect start to the day.

We went downstairs where Dad was on with doing bacon butties. I ironed Johns shirt and tie and made sure he had everything he needed to take back to his family at the hotel to get ready with them. We had decided that he would leave at 12. At 5 to 12 he decided he needed a hair cut. Thank goodness we had a hairdresser in the house! He doesn't have much hair, so by 10 past 12 we shooed him out of the door. With John gone I could get my dress, shoes and hair accessories out I pottered around the house, getting things in order. I took some time to read my Good Luck thread on Hitched, and cried for the first (and only) time of the day. I was overwhelmed that so many of you were thinking of me and wishing me well for the day. Thankyou lovely ladies of the Hitched community.

Heather my best friend arrived at 12.30. The photographer arrived soon after and we set about getting ready. Suddenly time started to fly. Paula did Heathers hair while I did my make up. With my make up done I was ready for my hair, when I suddenly realised I was wearing a t-shirt. I knew that once my hair was done I wouldn't want to be pulling a t-shirt over my head, but I didn't have anything zip up or button through. Mums clothes are far too small for me so I ended up sitting down to have my hair done in one of my dads shirts!

Dad popped open a bottle of prosecco, but we were all too busy and nervous to drink much. The time passed in a blur of preparations and activity. I laced Heathers dress and suddenly, somehow everyone was ready except me! My brother had delivered the button holes to John and his Dad (also his best man) and had already gone to the church to begin his ushing duties. It was time to put my dress on.

Together mum and Heather laced me into my dress, we had time for a few photos, some of my favourites of the day, and the doorbell went a final time. It was my cousin and her husband Gaz ready to collect the wedding party to take us all to the church. Mum, Heather and Paula went first leaving me and my dad home alone. We just looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, Dad cleared his throat and I interrupted him 'It's ok – I know'. We hugged, looked at each other again. I saw his eyes fill with tears and he said 'You look lovely, I think I need a drink!' We collected everyones half drunk glasses of prosecco, and had a couple of gulps to calm our nerves as soon enough my cousin was back with the car.

The church is only 5 minutes away and as we were early, Gaz offered to take us for a bit of a spin. I opted to get straight to the church and have a phew photos with my bridesmaid and flowergirl at the church. There were still a few last minute guests arriving as we pulled up, but I didn't care.

As I walked down the aisle it was if the world went onto slow motion. The church looked stunning. In addition to the flowers I had ordered from the florist there were hundreds of candles lit and extra flowers and white ribbons. I could see John looking at me and just wanted to be with him, but I also loved the moments of making eye contact and exchanging smiles with loved ones I hadn't seen for years as I walked past our guests. The service was beautiful, and although I had planned it all in meticulous detail, elements of it still surprised me. The hymns I had chosen were really special to me, but hearing the congregation lift them in spontaneous harmonies was fabulous - especially Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah - I chose it as it was my Granddads favourite and he had a beautiful tenor voice, hearing it so wonderfully and joyfully sung on our behalf would have made him so proud and took my breath away. Johns step mum and my brother did our readings for us, Pam read Edmund O'Neils 'On Marriage' and Jimmy read excerpts from Victor Hugos Les Miserables - chosen especially because John and I share a love of the book, but the musical version is very special to Jimmy and I. And my uncle delivered a brilliant sermon including an impromptu performance of Johnny Cash's A Thing Called Love!

Exchanging vows was so special. I had practiced the words time and time again, but looking into Johns eyes and saying them aloud in front of our guests added a dimension of beauty to the moment I could never have imagined.

I almost danced back down the aisle and stood at the church door to greet our guests – I was blown away at the good will of so many people, not just our invited guests but others who had turned up to wish us well. Several of our friends parents were there, a number of the congregation from my home church turned up (all criticising the minister who wouldn't let us marry there!) even my some of my old primary school teachers, Sunday school teachers and Brownie and Guide leaders came! I later found out that it was the Brownie leaders who had come into the church in the morning and talked to the florist and did all the extra decoration. Such a special touch, I felt honoured.

(Sorry about the wonky photo's and font sizes, not sure what's going on there.)

When people tell you your wedding day flies, they are absolutely right. I am so grateful to our tog who took over at this point. She allowed us the perfect amount o time to mingle while still making sure we got all the shots we wanted done. A word of advice to all those still planning – when you do your photo list make sure you tell people if they will be required for photo's OH's step mum and brothers family went AWOL and we spent ages looking for them to get their pics as they didn't realise they'd be needed (duh?!). Paula is missing from our side of the family photos as I had assumed she'd know she was one of us, but she'd assumed she wasn't needed and made herself scarce. Still, we got some really gorgeous pictures.

Everyone took their seats and we had the speeches, my Dad was wonderful. He's not a natural public speaker, but he was genuine and funny. At the time I was just loving every moment, but now when I look back on his words, it brings tears to my eyes. John's Dad gave a brief but lovely speech as best man, then it was Johns turn. He's always been a great story teller and public speaker, but still I was surprised with the depth of feeling with which he spoke. They all mentioned how incredible it was that I'd pulled off a wedding single handedly from half way round the world and looking round I had to agree! We cut our incredible cake and were ready to eat.

The reception venue was a little chaotic, and looking back that is a small regret, but on the day itself it didn't matter. We had planned a buffet meal which wasn't ready to be served immediately as planned but as it was a beautiful evening it provided an additional opportunity for us and our guests to mix and mingle and enjoy the grounds of the golf club, the kids playing with toys my mum had taken up (against my bridezilla wishes – 'It's my wedding, not a kiddies party' - but she was right and I forgave her!). This did mean that when the buffet was served we weren't seated and served a table at a time as we had planned, so for example, John and I didn't get to eat our wedding breakfast together, but if that was the worst thing to happen on the day we were doing ok.

After the meal it was time for the dancing. All along we had been adamant that we didn't want 'first dance' neither of us are dancers and we didn't want the embarrassment of having an audience while we shuffled our way around the dance floor. The DJ approached us and said that he has to play something first and did we have any preference. John immediately said Desperado, by the Eagles – our tune, but not exactly up-beat to get people on the dance floor! For the first painful few seconds the first dance turned into our nightmare, then we were rescued by small children. Towards the end of the track, 2 of my other cousins shuffled onto the dance floor on their knees mimicking the children and our first dance ended in a giant group shuffle with all the adults n their knees to be at a level with the kids.

We had asked the DJ to include plenty of party songs in the early evening as we had lots of children at the wedding, but I should have known better – as soon as the hokey kokey started up the kids had to run for cover as my entire family stormed the dance floor – and that was that......the floor was alight and we danced the night away. It was a perfect night to end a perfect day. It was everything John and I had hoped it would be. Relaxed, fun,friendly, with a touch of our own brand of crazy thrown in.

The days after: John and I spent the wedding night at a nearby hotel and had a lovely leisurely breakfast with his Dad, step mum and brother before they headed home and we rejoined my family. One of my cousins had travelled over from Australia to come to the wedding and as we had come from NZ it was obvious that this would be the last opportunity in a long time for us all to get together. In fact we worked out that our wedding day was the firs time the whole family had been in one room at the same time in 16 years, and who knew when the next time would be? We decided that this was the perfect opportunity to honour my grandparents so en masse we went on a country walk to their favourite spot and scattered their ashes together. It may be an unusual way to spend the day after your wedding, but it was beautiful and perfect for us. We spent our final few days spending what time we could with friends and family before boarding a plane for the first leg of our journey home. We stopped off for a brief mini-moon with friends in Italy before finally making it back home to NZ. A finally a married couple.....................almost!

Stay tuned for part 2: YorkshireKiwi's Kiwi wedding. Planning to commence soon!

Those Little Details and Credits:

It was important to John and I that our wedding day reflected us as far as possible, I think we achieved that, but not without the help of some wonderful and very talented people.

Church: Special thanks to All Saints Church, Earby for their generosity and unquestioning welcome in providing us a home for our marriage, and to Rev Hugh Fielden and Andy Christofides for working together to design a ceremony so perfect for us.

Reception: Thanks to Sam, Andy and the crew at Ghyll Golf Club for their sterling work on the day. Amazing food and heaps of it, including an evening buffet designed especially for us - The Best of British, with all the things we have missed and can't get hold of in NZ - and so much of it we had enough for another buffet for the whole family the next day!

Wedding Clothes: Vanilla Bridal in Tauranga, NZ for my dress, and a huge hug and thanks to Pam Reebanks at Primrose Alterations for her last minute fix.

The men wore their own suits, but the ties were custom made silk with screen printed silver ferns, a nod to our new home.Thanks to Cyberpotix (via Etsy) for those.

Cake: An amazing design by Betty Buttercream, the 3 layers reflected some of our favourite treats: Rich chocolate with Reeces peanut butter cup ganache, carrot and orange cake with cream cheese frosting and blueberry compote and a lemon curd marble with raspberry coulis and champagne frosting. it was decorated with sugar flowers to match my bouquet and topped with a custom topper from CherryRed Toppers (also via Etsy) of our pet pig, Poppy. Betty even put some 'muddy footprints' up the back of the cake as if Poppy has climbed up to sit on top!

Flowers: I always knew I wanted simple rustic looking flowers and Francesca at Liberty Bloom did an amazing job. I chose Sunflowers as the 'accent' flower as they are my favourite, but I didn't want them to dominate or overwhelm my colour scheme of sage and purple. I chose to represent my grandparents in my bouquet, so had red and white roses to honour my 2 granddads, and purple anenomes and freesias for my granny and grandma. We took my bouquet apart and my cousins and I floated the flowers down the river the next day as we scattered my grandparents ashes. Francesca went above and beyond, sourcing and DIYing heaps of little extras for the table centres, something I would have loved to have done myself, but didn't have time.

Photography: Massive thanks to Donnamarie Sturrock for her wonderful photos. I couldn't have hoped for a more professional amateur. Within 3 days of the wedding she had a sample disk of photos for us, set to the music of our first dance - incredibly thoughtful.

Favours: We chose packets of bee-friendly seeds for the adults from NotOnTheHighStreet as John is a hobbyist bee-keeper, and Pig shaped cake pops also made by Betty Buttercream for the kids.

Tableplan/Table Names: One of the few things I was able to DIY. We chose places we had visited together as our table names and pinpointed them on a map with luggage labels for our table plan.

Hair: My future sister in law Paula Richardson (check her out at Oasis in Leeds) did an amazing job. It wasn't putting her on the spot too much to get her to do my wedding hair before we'd even met was it? Accessories came from ForeverCherished (via Etsy).

And a special mention has to go to Heather, my best friend and wonderful bridesmaid, who was left to do it all herself. She found her gorgeous dress on ebay, was always there for me at the end of an e-mail, text of Skype, and drove the 2 hour return trip from her home to min 4 times on the week of the wedding without complaint, just to be there for me, despite being a busy mum with 2 little girls in tow. I love you Heather and an proud to have you as a friend.

THE END

One final, totally shameless post-script:

In lieu of gifts John and I asked for donations to charities that mean a lot to us. We were blown away by our guests generosity, then John had one more amazing gift for me, he decided to offer his half of the money to my charity instead of his (his charity was a major national charity). I was overwhelmed.

I am adding this not to big-up how generous we are - we're not, but because I really want to highlight the work of my charity. Now more than ever they really need help.

The charity is called Kids In Kailahun, it's a registered charity with the UK charities commission operating in the Kailahun district of Sierra Leone to provide homes, clothing food, education and healthcare to orphans. It was founded by myself and a group of friends after we visited the region in 2006 to build a skills training centre for the former child soldiers of the Sierra Leone civil war. Kailahun is close to the border with Liberia and as a result was one for the worst areas to be hit by the war and the last to recover (think the movie Blood Diamond - the war had ended when we were there, but that's where we were and who we were working with)

Now the region is back in the news. It has been terribly badly hit by the spread of the ebola virus. We have lost colleagues and friends, and Kids in Kailahun have been approached by Save The Children to operate the main programme for locating, registering and homing children orphaned by the virus. All of that will cost money. Kids in Kailahun is a small charity and does not have a large profile. As I have moved away there is very little I can do to support the charity now, but I can tell people about the amazing work they do.

All the money that is donated to KIK is used on the ground in Sierra Leone. All British staff are volunteers whether they are operating in the UK or Sierra Leone. We do have some paid staff, but these are people from the Kailahun region being paid for the work they do for the children, (therefore adding to the local economy).

I know that everyone has causes close to their heart, well this is mine and I make no apology for shamelessly highlighting it now. If you'd like to know more you can look them up of Facebook or go to www.kidsinkailahun.org

Lovely report!! I love the picture of Poppy in her dress and you looked gorgeous too!

YK - what a lovely wedding! So much love and family!! Such a journey too. Gosh I feel quite emotional!

You're a wonderful person.

YK, this is one of my favourite reports so far!! I love your story and your pictures. Keep in touch my friend!!

Wow, a beautiful report from a beautiful lady. Congratulations to you both and don't forget to keep us updated when you fly back to NZ. Take care of each other xx

Lovely report and fab pics!! xx

Love this - what a fab story and report. You look like you had a brilliant day. x

What a lovely report! You looked amazing - and you would never know from those photos that the run up had been so stressful for you one way or another, especially when combined with jetlag and the chest infection!

I look forward to seeing the NZ bit!

Congratulations!! What a joyful day and lovely report. You looked amazing!

Amazing report!! You looked beautiful!! Congratulations xx

Thanks for all your lovely comments.......well done for getting to the end!

Aww

Lovely to read this again!