Aarrgghh, first base hurdles already

Why has it all changed?

Sorry you're feeling down, what's changed exactly?

We booked to view some hotels with golf courses attached, then when we looked at budget realised these were actually the dearest venues and the nicer ones were a bit further afield. So to save costs a bit, we decided if to invite children in the day, but then we would want them there at night, which means we would need somewhere local, which restricts our choice.

Trouble is, we have small family's but loads of friends, all which have 2-4 children. Numbers up to now, after 3 lots of cutting down are 250 - arrgghh.

That certainly is a lot of friends!

I'm not sure I fully understand - the only venues local to you that can accomodate that number are very expensive, and you don't want to go to one further away because it's inconvenient for your friends with children?

We invited children but most of our friends with children have decided not to bring their kids at all, so if you do go for one a bit further away then it shouldn't be too much of a problem - but be warned, you will get a much higher drop out rate (including last minute drop outs) if you don't invite children.

This first bit of the planning is always the hardest because the numbers, budget, date, location and to some extent the theme are all tied up together.

It does get easier once the venue is booked I promise!

Personally, I am more a fan of weddings that don't have children but this isn't always practical when many of your friends have them! Unfortunately, budget has to be key here as you have so many guests.

I would be inclined to go for the more affordable venues even if they are further away. Although you may get more drop-outs than expected, you may well find that many of your guests might like to use the wedding as an excuse for a night off the kids (choosing to leave them with their parents etc so that they can relax and have a really good day out).

If, closer to the time, you find that too many of your nearest and dearest can't make it because of the distance, you can always lay on a bus to and from somewhere central - as you have spent less on the venue you may already have this money left over in the budget.

Why?

Is there any accomodation at any venues you've been looking at? I'm having a few children at our wedding and most of the parents have already spoken about getting rooms at a local hotel. Or, as someone said, buses are an option if you find a venue you love and is in budget, but is a little far away. How much further afield are the nicer venues? x

We are putting in our invites that 'due to financial restrictions children will be unable to be invited to our wedding'. We are only having immediate neices and nephews but all other kids are a no no. This has cut numbers alot for us as we are on a tight budget, we decided that we wanted a more expensive venus but couldnb't have afforded it if we had to pay for kiddies to come.......so we went for pleasing ourselves than pleasing others......and if they have a problem .....tough!

ETA; actually as I have just written that I have just decided that I am going to put the no kids thing in the the save the date cards aswell, just so that people have enough time(about 11 months) to get their kids sorted and therefore restrict the amount of drop out numbers nearer the time when I send invites out......does this make sense? Wpuld you agree?

At my sisters wedding she invited very close friends/family children for the day time, but for her guests on the night she just invited the adults. She found this no problem, as most people understand that it's very expensive & that you can't invite every one, and i bet most people were probably glad of a night off from the kids, i know i would be, and i wouldn't be bothered if we just were invited and the kids wern't.

Book which ever venue you two like best, regardless of distance or convenience. I know me personally would gladly go to a friends wedding, even if it meant finding a babysitter and travelling further afield to get to it, & i'm sure your friends would do the same. Don't settle for somethink that isn't exactly what you want just to please other people, it's you day so have what you want, and any loyal friends would respect your wishes, and would't be bothered about kids not being invited or travelling to get there.

Ditto WSS

Not sure on the size of venues you are looking at, but we are providing a creche for the kids during the wedding breakfast which considerably reduces the cost of the food as we are only paying full price for the adults meal and mucher cheaper kids meals for those in the creche (you obviously have to pay ythe creche costs too). Plus it gives Mum and Dad a chance to relax and enjoy their meal in peace while the kids dont have to sit still for 2 hours!

I also agree with the other posters, i have never hesitated to travel to a friends wedding (although i dont have kids myself).

Thanks for all your suggestions and sorry for the delay in replying.

Bee - Yes, there is accomodation, we are mainly looking at hotels. The venues further away are approx 30-45 mins drive so not sure if they are feasible.

Racheal - Thanks, I know you're right, but it's never that straight forward is it.

I realise we have a lot of friends with children and we have to make a decision that suits ourselves, but it would be nice if the children could then join us in the eve, therefore we need somewhere a bit more local so that they can be dropped off.

So hard!

That's no distance. All but four of our guests had to travel in excess of 200 miles for our wedding. H's family are from Glasgow and, with the exception of my parents, my family are all in Essex. We were living in London and most of our friends were there as well. My parents were in Yorkshire, about half way, and that's where we got married. The only people who declined the invitations were H's aunt and uncle in Australia and one of his cousins from Glasgow, who we only invited out of politeness and didn't expect to accept anyway.