Absolutely in shock... ** UPDATE PAGE 7**

Didnt want to read and run hope your ok and whatever decision well help you out as much as we can xx

"beat the skanky little whore up?!"

That made me giggle.... a lot!! Thank you xx

Hiya

Hope you come out the other side okay whatever path you choose x

I personally could not forgive my man if he did this. My ex was unfaithful and came out with many versions of what was going on. What concerns me is that if you had not had that phonecall he would probably still be doing it. Most of the time the "once a cheat always a cheat" does apply and nine months is a hell of a long time for just pure sex. And this skank not only fecked up your life but also that of her husbands, doesnt say much for her.

Its your life and your decision though and good luck x

Wow, I know you are in so much pain, but you sound like you are dealing with this incredibly, taking very careful steps, no rash decisions. Really hope the sessions give you whatever clarity and understanding you both need.

You do whatever is right for you. Your relationship is yours and no-one else can say what's best for you. You just gotta do what makes ya happy x

We will be here for you no matter what decision you make. I could not, and would not, say for sure what I would do in your situation. Its sounds like you're being so strong and careful.

x

I hope the counselling helps KBS and you manage to come to some sort of arrangement. Try not to let your heart rule you, think it all through as it's still raw and you'll be wanting to do anything to cling onto him - Including make excuses for him.
He is more to blame than this other "skank" - He was/is in a relationship and set to marry, she was single. Whilst I don't condone homewreckers, it is not her doing, he consented.. For 9 months.

Good luck.

Sending you lots of positive thought and virtual hugs...xx

I don't think she is single, she's married i thought her OH rang KBS up.

You are so very brave KBS, i wish you luck and happiness in whatever decision you make.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation my lovely.

Good Luck in sorting things out, and make sure you put yourself first.

Come out of this stronger and braver xx

KBS has confirmed the woman was single, it was her Uncle who called pretending to be the other woman's husband.

Not that this makes things any better - Just thought I'd point it out cos the pitchforks are out for this woman.

Sorry i didn't see that, the thread is so long, lol.

I think they're both as bad as eachother.

WTS, I'd never forgive H for doing something like that. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Hope you work it out. You'll come out of it a much stronger person x

They are both equally to blame, it takes two to tango and she consented for nine months too, you can't tell me this woman is completely innocent when she knew he was with someone. She is a skank!!!!!!

Its different if the women involved thought the guy was single which this one clearly knew he was not and her comments afterwards were skanky.

Hey KBS, it sounds like you are coming to terms with what happened now and looking to the future, which is great.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now that the initial shock has passed, and I'm glad that you have had so much support from Hitched.

It really can be an amazingly supportive place, x

KBS, I am feel so sorry for you, I know exactly what you are going through, my ex did the same to me but 71/2 years into our marriage with 2 kids, it is heart breaking, at the time, you have no idea how you can possibly make it to the otherside, but belive me you can, what ever your decision, and you will be stronger for it.

Everything your doing is right, just don't be afraid to ask for or accept help, keep talking because that really helps, I didn't, I kept it stuffed inside and thats not good.

Keep strong surround yourself with the people who love you and care most for you, don't let your heart rule your head, but serach the very depth of your soul before you decide what you want to do.

Take care, all of us our thinking of you. x

The hitchers will always be here for you even if the decision is that the wedding is off....

I think you are so strong doing the counciling!

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that it helps you make the right descision. And whatever you decide do it for yourself and it won't matter what other people think xx

Thinking of you KBS xxx

KBS how are you today?

Remember to eat something, get some bananas if you don't feel like eating much, you need to keep your strength up. When this happened to me I didn't eat for a few days and that doesn't help your mental state. You need to make sure you look after yourself.

I know I don't know you but I wish I could come round and look after you!

xxx

Calm down, lovey. We don't know that she knew he was in a relationship do we? He's lied and deceived the woman he lived with and was supposed to love for 9 months, I'm pretty sure he can do the same to the bit on the side. I was just making a point that the pitchforks were out for this woman, she could be angry for the exact same reasons KBS is. We don't know the ins and outs, even if she did know about KBS, he could have promised this other woman the world, told her he was leaving KBS or whatever, who knows?

Having excuses made for him isn't right IMO, he didn't do anything decent by owning up and telling her everything.. He got caught out! Who knows how long he'd have kept up the deceit if this woman's Uncle hadn't told KBS.

I didn't see any post about the Uncle either and assumed the woman was in a relationship also, not that it makes a difference I guess!

Hey, I'm ok, just taking baby steps... no tears have fallen today (yet). I havent managed to eat anythign yet, it just seems to get stuck in my throat when I do, but I am drinking loads of water.

Been out for another long walk with Mum this morning and she will support me in any decision I make, she does think that the counselling is for the best and she also thinks that he is remorseful for what he did, not just the being caught out thing, and that maybe we could be stronger together from this. (All her words, not mine).

I'm going to take day by day and see what comes, I'm going to keep an open mind about the counselling, and, even after the counselling we still cant resolve it then he will support me in any decision I make, i.e leave etc.

He does want to hold/cuddle me whcih I cant do yet but I know he's wanting to do that for me, not to make himself feel better.

He has changed his mobile number, email address and made an appt at the local GUM clinic today too.

My biggest "thing" at the moment though is I just want to feel pretty again, and, right now I feel so damn ugly

As hard as it might be, try not to let yourself think like this. I can't imagine how you are feeling but what he has done does not make you any less attractive. Get yourself to a hair salon, spa or something and have a new haircut or colour/massage/manicure, just something to treat yourself. I know it won't take the hurt away but it will hopefully make you feel prettier again. Maybe see if your mum or a girlie friend will go with you too and make a day of it. You deserve to treat yourself.

KBS I have only just seen this thread having been off Hitched for the last couple of weeks. I am so, so sorry to read about your problems. Relate is absolutely awesome & has helped me in the past to deal with the mental baggage that I was left with from a couple of ex's who couldn't keep their trousers on. If anyone can help you sort out your feelings & what you want to do now then Relate will. Walking your lovely Boxers will definitely help you & I agree that you need to have some pamper time for you. A cheating partner destroys your self esteem & confidence so get your hair restyled, have a make over on a posh cosmetic counter in a department store & splash out on some new clothes - this will all help you feel pretty again & will remind him how stupid he has been messing around behind your back when you are so gorgeous!

You are the only person who can decide if you are able to put this behind you & move on with him or if you need to part from him. Just be careful about discussing the problems with family members as the experience I had is that sometimes because they are so emotionally involved they say things that can cause more problems & make it harder for you to sort your head out. This is why Relate is so good as they see things from a balanced, impartial view point without any emotional attachment to you or him.

When I was a vet nurse I used to be very much involved in castrating horses. I am sure I can still remember the technique if required & a man is so much smaller than a horse!

Look after yourself, you need to keep your strength up to help with the next few weeks which will without doubt be very difficult for you xxx

Soooo very useful!!!

Good luck with everything KBS, I hope everything works out, you take a bit of time and try to step back, I know this is hard, but you need to try and take a step away from everything and give your head a chance to process things. Be selfish and do whatever you need to to get you through the next while. My thoughts are with you. Take care. xxx