Advice needed please :-(

Big hugs ? Must be a horrible situation

Would it be possible for both to walk you down the aisle? Unconventional, maybe, but not impossible I wouldn't have thought. And even if they don't get on together, I'm sure they would be grown up enough, and realise how important it is to you, to put that aside for your special day. Explain how you feel to both of them and they won't hold anything against you xx

Huge hugs. Tbh either way 1 was going to be upset. This really isn't your fault, you never chose to have 2 dads in your life. I think having your stepdad could have caused even more upset as it is actively going against the norm. Is there any way to involve your stepdad e.g. he also does a speech, he 'signs you away' on the register, have a dance with him too etc? Alternatively, some ppl have asked both dads to walk them half the way down the aisle, but not sure how your dad would see that now he has been asked. I know it is easy to say but try not to worry, there was no easy way of resolving this xxx

Hiya. Wow that,s hard work!!!

If it was me I think I would go with option 3. Why not explain to your Dad that you don't feel you need to be 'given away' and would like to walk down the aisle alone. (it doesn't have to be about anyone but you then and you don't have to mention your stepdad to your dad in your decision making). I would the ask them both to do a speech as they have both been a huge part of your life.

Just a thought.

xxx

Personally I'd ask your step Dad to do the speech, he's the one that's been there day to day watching you grow, holidays etc so will have all the nice stories to tell. Then the role is split between them and hopefully everyone will be happy?

Sounds difficult for you, but as someone else said, you didn't ask for your parents to separate and to gain a stepfather. If you think they wouldn't be happy to both accompany you down the aisle. i'd ask your stepfather to take on another important role, e.g. a speech or being a witness,

Thank you all for the advice. I'm really pee'd off with myself for being railroaded in to telling him when I knew I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted to do.

I'm not sure that having both of them would work too well, and I want to be looking forward to walking down the aisle, not worrying about how they are going to be with each other!

Part of me feels like I now need to act quickly if I'm going to tell him I'm doing something different. Ahhh it's all such a mess!! x

I feel for you ((Hugs)) Would this work Your Step dad can take you to the church e.g Go in the car with you and walk you into the church and then your dad can take it from there and maybe some sort of speech or a toast to you his step daughter and husband? It's a shame that you are in this position but to look on the positive side these two men obviously love you dearly and at the end of the day would want you to be happy so maybe they can come to some arrangement.

I'm not in this situation, and I really for you, as it must be hard.

If your relationship with your biological dad is still good, I would be tempted to suggest leaving it as it is, and asking your stepdad to do a reading or be a witness. I think being asked to be a witness is underrated...his signature will technically be part of legalising your marriage, so is fairly pivotal!

Someone is going to be upset no matter what you do, and personally think it would be more of a slap in the face to your biological dad to change now, than it would be to not ask your step dad to do it, IYSWIM. But then that's a complete outsider perspective, so appreciate people might not agree.

I know this doesnt really answer your question, but what about your stepdad being one of your witnesses? That way he still has a very definite role.

I actually really like the idea of having the step dad take you to the church. This way he gets his alone time/advice time/comforting time with you and feels special. Then I would for sure include him in some how. I think both of them doing a speech is fine if they have both been large parts of your life

Awww I'm sorry you're in this tricky situation. I also had concerns about upsetting either my dad or my stepdad. My dad is doing the traditional bits but we've asked my stepdad to do a reading and we'll be getting him a suit so he looks like he's part of the main party etc.

I have to say that my stepdad was thrilled we asked him to do a reading and was pleased to be involved. It's obviously difficult for you that you've had the conversation before you've fully decided on his role.

I'd be tempted to leave things as they are with you dad (stepdad is already a bit upset and I don't think changing it at this stage would help him cos he'll probably think it's not what you really want - plus if you change you'll have an upset dad too).

If I was you I'd have a chat with him again to explain that although you dad's doing the traditional bits, he is very important to you and has also been an important father figure to you so you want to make sure he's very much involved in the day. I'd say you want him to have a special role-you haven't yet decided on what form it will exactly take - but he will have something special to do because he's special to you. Hopefully that way he knows he's an important part of your life - and you don't have to make any hasty decisions about what that'll be.

I'm in the same boat and don't know what to do, I know what I want to do! Have my stepdad walk me down the aisle as my real dad left when I was 3 & went off to re-marry & have more kids, me & my bro have always felt 2nd best to our sisters whereas my stepdad is lovely & has provided for us & supported us for about 23years. I want him to give me away but don't want to hurt my real dads feelings (as much as what he did to us hurts me) I can't feel like I'm being mean to him. They had to pretend to get on at my graduation day but it was fairly easy for them to avoid each other whereas the wedding will be harder, I don't really want both to I walk me down the aisle! So hard!

I'm getting ready at our venue so there isn't the opportunity for him to take me to the church etc.. :-(

We had decided that our mums would be witnesses (they don't know this yet!) but perhaps I could ask him if he would do that and I do really want him to do a speech.

Although I have since found out that he's been saying that he's now dreading the wedding. I'm going to have to give him some time I think, just hate that I've hurt him this much. I knew he'd be upset but have well and truly misjudged just how upset!!

sorry to hear you're in the same position Erin! I can't help with the decision I'm afraid but one thing I can say is make sure you are 100% of what you want before talking to either of them about it!!