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Beginner September 2011

Advice needed please - am I being mean???

monkey_nut, 2 January, 2011 at 16:01 Posted on Planning 0 5

Hi,

Apologies for the long post but I'm new to the forum and this is my first one as I have a dilemma...

We got engaged in Sep 2010 and are getting married in Sep 2011. We want to have a really small wedding, only 45 guests so I initially decided to only have 1 bridesmaid, my sister. One of very close friends has 2 adorable little girls, 5 and 7 and after a few months deliberating I've asked them to be flowergirls. So far, so good, wedding party doesn't outnumber guests! Smiley smile

This week my OH mother announced that her other son's girlfriend wants to know if we'll have their daughter as flowergirl. I mentioned it to my OH and he seems keen on the idea but I'm really really not. I've met the girl once and I think it'll be odd to have a virtual stranger walking down the aisle with me. On top of this, the girl's mother is a nightmare, a total cow. She's a really nasty piece of work who isn't very nice to my OH's mother especially (examples include telling her she wasn't a very good mother cos her son doesn't do much housework, telling her that she spoils the atmosphere when she goes to visit). I've only met this woman once but my OH and his mother never have a good word to say about her, just another way that she's done upset someone. So aside from not knowing the daughter at all, I would have to deal with the mother who would have to be there on the morning with the little girl. Just thinking about her being there on the morning stresses me out.

I don't want to be mean and potentially upset my OH by not having the little girl but I really just don't want to have her as I don't know her and I know her mother will be a nightmare.

I'm really sorry this post is so long, I just needed to get it off my chest as it's been getting me down these past few days... Smiley sad

5 replies

Latest activity by monkey_nut, 2 January, 2011 at 16:18
  • S
    Beginner January 2009
    sammy_wheeler ·
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    No u arent being mean- its you wedding- if its going to make you distressed and upset then say no! its your wedding!

    n congrats - only 9months to go!

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  • Spring
    Beginner February 2008
    Spring ·
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    You are not being mean. I can never understand why people ASK if someone they know can be in the wedding party.

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  • E
    Beginner August 2011
    emmamac73 ·
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    No you are not being mean. IMHO it is rude of the mother to ask.

    I had a similar dilema re asking my cousins to be BMS. I didn't and I feel much better for it.

    My best friend on the other hand, had a BM she didn't really want and it was a nightmare! As her MOH I spent most of the day keeping said BM away from the bride!

    It's YOUR day. IMHO bridesmaids are one area of the wedding where the bride's opinion is the only one that matters. They are there for YOU, no-one else.

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  • Jay-Low
    Beginner
    Jay-Low ·
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    Exaclty WSS

    And welcome to the forum by the way!

    X

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  • M
    Beginner September 2011
    monkey_nut ·
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    Thank you all so much!! Most of me was thinking it's my day and I should be able to have what I want but I had this niggling thought that maybe I should put up with it to keep the peace.

    You're all right, it should be up to me who I have as bridesmaids/flower girls. When I spoke to my OH about it I said I wasn't keen cos I don't know the girl and it would be like me asking him to have my cousins he doesn't know to be groomsmen and he kind of muttered ' I see what you mean' but I could tell he wasn't totally pleased about it. I just said, why don't we talk about it again later when we've both had a chance to think about it instead of being put on the spot by being asked.

    I'm glad to have it straight in my own head though now! Thank you all again Smiley smile

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