Advice needed please (Sens)

I would definitely go. It won't be seen as rubbernecking but as supporting your friend.

I'd definitely go. If my dad had died and my best friends just sent a text I'd feel a bit unsupported...

If I'm understanding this correctly, the girl is one of your best friends??

I would absolutely go to support her and be there for her, go to both the service and the wake and tell your friend that you want her to know you are there for her.

HTH x

I would go to the service it would mean alot to your friend. Even though she says she doesn't mind if you go or not the support your showing her will be a great help.

Your not going to be seen as rubberneckers at all, you will be seen as a good friend of his daughter. You do know the man even though you haven't seen him for 10 years you did see him alot as a child.

My OH has just been to his friend's Dad's funeral even though he hasn't seen his Dad in years but went because he did know him as a child and to support his friend. All the boys went which was about 8 of them.

Aimee x

Sorry to hear your news and the difficult situation which you now find yourself. ?

Personally I would not be worried about the rest of the group and what they do or do not want to do but I would think about what I felt most comfortable with and what I felt my friend would want.

So I would go to the funeral to show support to your friend and that you remembered her Dad fondly from all those years when you used to be at her house as kids. And then I would give her a hug afterwards and say that you're going to slip away and leave her with her family for the wake.

I don't think it needs to be a group decision or a big show of support. I think sometimes a quiet, low-key approach is probably better.

I had a situation like this were I had never met the dad so I just went to support my friend. If I were you I would go but just to the service. This way you are showing your friend you are there if she needs you.

I always think that going to funerals is for the sake of the relatives, not neccesarily for the deceased if you know what I mean.

I've been to the funerals of friends parents, some of whom I have never met but I''ve gone to show support to my friend.

I agree with not going to the wake if you think it's a bit much.

Thanks Knownowt.

I know a few aren't going because late notice/time off work/child arrangements etc. But I don't have any of those problems, therefore think if I can go, then I should?

I think I'll go. Off to put in for leave now. Thank you for advice xx

I would go to the service but not the wake. My friends came to my gran's funeral and that meant a lot to me. They didn't know my gran that well at all but I really appreciated that they came.

Yeah, I'd go, like the others said. You don't have to go to the wake if you feel uncomfortable about that, but you can show your support to your friend. I understand your concerns, but, to be honest, I think they'd probably prove to be unfounded. When my Nan died, it was lovely to see people there who barely knew her (she died living with my parents and a long way from home). A lot of the people there were friends of ours rather than her friends, if you see what I mean.

I'm going to speak from my own experience. My grandmother (who I've been very close to all my life) died in January. My best friend had only met her maybe 3 or 4 times in her life, but she still came to the funeral as she wanted to support me. And whilst I didn't have the opportunity to speak to her there, I did appreciate that she'd taken time out of her working day to be there.

But I think you have to do whatever you feel comfortable with. Whatever you decide, I'm sure your friend will know that you are all there for her.

Sorry for the loss. I personally feel that if you knew him and liked him, even if you've not kept in regular touch with him, means you're entitled to go to the funeral. I would feel in this situation if my friends had gone to the funeral quite pleased and appreciative. It's nice to be there to support your friend as well. I wouldn't sit right at the front, but I would go. Obviously it's up to you to make the final decision though as you know the friend and her father better than us.

I agree with the others if you can go to the funeral then I think it would be a nice gesture to support your friend at this difficult time by attending. I'm sure she will appreciate to see a couple of friendly faces there. As you say you have been friends for a long time and her dad is a part of your childhood, sure you hadn't seen him for a while but i'm sure it would not be seen as "rubbernecking" or anything like that if you attended to pay your respects.

I would also go. It's not like you never met the man and you are going to be supporting your friend.

Apolgises for only saying Knownowt in that last post of mine... when I started typing that reply it was the only post. How slow am I?

Appreciate replies from everyone. Yes she's one of my best friends but this is the first death of a parent in our group and I just wasn't sure of the ettiquette in that situation really? I would hate to put her under any extra opressue thinking she had to put on a 'face' if we were there.

But you're all right. I've just put in for my leave and am going. I feel in my heart it's the right thing to do, and am pleased others thing so too. Much appreciated!

Minx x

I would go. Having lost my Dad when I was 32, all my close friends came, not just for me, but for my Mum & Dad. There were even primary school friends I had not seen for 16 years who came. Sad thing is out of 7 of us , 5 have lost our Dad's in the last 4 years, 3 on the same day (not same yr)

I think it shows respect for the person & the family.

One thing I loved reading about from my friends cards was memories they had about my Dad - My Dad used to go off in a trance with headphones on listening to Jazz, that's one thing that will always remind my friends of Dad.

x

I agree with everyone that you should go if you can - I know funerals can feel private but, unless they specifically put a notice saying family only or similar, it's nice to have your friends around you.

I imagine she just said the thing about not minding about you going as she didn't want to put pressure on anyone. but i reckon she'll appreciate you being there. ?

Completely and definitely go. Please.

As you drive into the grounds of the church/crematoriam in a funeral car, you feel a sense of impending dread and doom. You look up as you get out the door and see your friends looking at you with a little smile on their faces and you know you'll be fine. That not only is whoever who has died is loved but you are too. It means an awful lot. They just sit at the back and get out quickly so you can have a hug with them before having to face everyone else. It meant an awful lot to me and I can name everyone who has come to support me at funerals and it's something I'll never forget.

?

I'd go too. I went to the funeral of someone I'd never met recently- it was the wife of a very respected member of staff and he really appreciated it that a few of us went.

I would go with this too. Early last year a friends mum died and although i only met her a couple of times we still went to the funeral to support our friend. She was very grateful.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I'm definitely going. My heart told me it was the right thing but needed a little nudge, which you guys have given me. Thank you ever so much. I feel much more confident about going now. Appreciate it xx

My mum passed away nearly 3 years ago.

She didn't have a 'funeral' as such, as she left her body to medical science, but we did have a memorial service for her.

One of my schoolfriends, who I hadn't seen for 2 years, turned up out the blue. Her mum had read about my mum's death in the paper, and my friend came along to support me. I was incredibly touched by this, and so, so glad to see her. If I were you I would go along, seeing you there will mean the world to her x

Please definately go. Many of my friends came to my mummys funeral last year and it was so nice to have the support with them there. Some of them had never met my mummy either. No one will think any of you are rubber necking.

I have been to many funerals were I did not personally know the person but was there for my friends IYKWIM?

? and im sorry to hear of your friend's loss [hug[

I'm in the same situation, funeral tomorrow and I didn't meet her Dad much but I've arranged childcare and will go through, to give my friend and her sisters a hug mainly ?

Tough one. In your situation, I think it would be a yes.

I had the same situation twice in the last few years and didn't go to either funeral. Good friends and I didn't know their Dads that well, but had met them a few times and they were always really nice to me. The reason being though that I have lost a few family members myself and going to a funeral would have brought it all back.

However if it was one of my best friends then I would have gone, no matter how hard.