Advice needed re step daughter to be

I would have loved to have seen your face.

I can only suggest you say there won't be enough time or something, and suggest she does one song only?

I would speak to your OH. she is his daughter and like you say, you dont want to come across as evil step mum! Does OH want her to sing? Maybe he does?

My step D is 8 as well and always loves to be centre of attention. HOwever when she was flower girl last year she got a strop on, wouldnt smile in any photo';s and evntually took her BM dress off and strolled around in a pair of shorts. Only then did she decide to crack a smile and get dancing etc. I pray she doesnt try this at our wedding cos i will be so upset. Espesh as OH will prob pander to her like he always does!! lol

I, too, am having issues with the youngest stepdaughter to be, she cant stand me and thats fine as the feeling is pretty much mutual..

However, my OH wants her to be my BM and its like hang on a mo, you can choose your best man without any opinions from yself but I have to have your spoiled little b*tch of a daughter who, when talks about the wedding, calls it her dads wedding... is he marrying himself honey???

Then again she's nearly 16 and a total b*tch, trying to spilt myself and OH many a time, accusing of stealing her pocket money, throwing herself down the stairs and tried accusing me of pushing her... the list goes on...

Sooo... to the OP, I would absolutely suggest your OH do this as you WILL be tarred as the evil step mother... trust me on this one!

P.s it doesnt get any easier as they get older either!! lol

I would ask your OH to talk to her. It's not your job to do so, he needs to step up and do it. Compromise though.. tell her she can "perform" another time during a family gathering or something? Or perhaps she can have some other responsibility? To make her feel a bit more special? We've given responsibilities to all the children. OH has two children age 16 and 11 who aren't mine. The 16 year old is the second best-man and is in charge of making sure the day runs smoothly and he also gets to do a speech. The 11 year old is in charge of the children's table at the breakfast. My son, 6, also has a job. He looks after one of the rings for us and he will have joint responsibility of the children's table alongside his step-brother. It makes them feel important and useful and gives them something to do and organise.

Hi,

what a difficult situation for you... I'd also think it's a good idea to have the OH or both of you together talk to her. Don't let the OH stay have the convenience of staying "neutral".

Make sure she knows how important she is in the wedding (bridesmaids-related things). Maybe even ask her if she'd agree to sing ONE special song for you, one that you pick with her together and she can prepare for the wedding. Maybe a song that means something to you and your OH. You could even sell it as asking her this favour. You surely have other music planned already, so you can sell it as "we're having a special guest" who sings one "special" song.

I've been to several weddings where friends sang a song or two, or more. Usually the "one song" thing is best since it's very special, and the more songs, the more the effect wears off.

When my mother remarried I was less than thrilled - the only thing that kept me being ok with it was seeing how happy she was, how happy he made her.

Good luck!

Hi

I have 2 step children of the same age, so I kind of know what you're going through!

I think it's sweet that she wants to sing....but not all 6 songs!!

If it was me, next time you see them, I would sit her down with you and your OH and say there won't be time for her to sing all the songs, but that she can sing 2 songs at the evening reception..........that way everyone's happy and you don't come across as the 'wicked step mum'

good luck

Jayne

WSS. I do think your OH needs to man up and be involved in telling her though - you should both be there but I think he needs to be the one doing the talking. She's bound to listen more to him anyway and it will prevent any unnecesary rifts between you and your step daughter.

I was a step child and, although very lucky with how me and my mam gelled quickly with my step-dad and 2 step bros, it was not without it's hard points. But I firmly believe the reason we were lucky was that both parents presented a united front to us three kids.

My daughter and step daughter to be are 10 and have desingned their own dresses and tiaras etc etc ! They will probably look like something out of my big fat gypsy wedding but it is as much about us as a family as it is about me ! So if they are happy I am happy.I would get OH to handle it but explain maybe that you have spoken to the venue and they have said it will only be possible to do one song and that you would both consider it and honour if she chose that one to be extra special and a surprise for you. Either that or have a " hen do " with them and let her do the lot lol ! He needs to do it really though as they will take it better from him. Is mymmy behind this with a wooden spoon by any chance ?

I would pick one of the songs and say to her that it is actually one of your favourite songs ever and it would be so special if she just performed that song on it's own, especially as it would suit her voice so well.

It's the sort of thing I do with my own kids!

Thank you for all the great advice, I think I can see the way forward now.

I appreciate step families are difficult but both girls actually seem to be very on board with the wedding. Their mum remarried shortly after her divorce and they have been desperate for me and OH to do the same. I suppose they like the idea of both parents being married again.

I'm glad people seem to think that OH should take the lead on this as this was my point of view as well and I wasn't happy when he shirked it to me. I think it could be very sweet if she performed one carefully chosen song (probably not from the current selection of The Wanted, Glee and ABBA) so he can tell her this weekend that we will spend some time choosing a song that we all like for her to do at the reception. To make up for her disappointment I am going to suggest a special hen trip out. Both girls have already said they would like to come on my hen which is totally inappropriate but they like the idea of dressing up and partying. There is a chinese restaurant near us that has karaoke booths so I think we could put our glad rags on and go there one afternoon on a mini hen with some of the other girls.

And NikiST I think that's a really good idea about giving kids jobs to do and special responsibilities. The eldest daughter is quite shy and certainly wouldn't like to do anything showy but I think I'm going to put her in charge of helping me make favours and distributing them as this is more her bag. My niece and nephews have been charged with creating a unique wedding video for us. When we go on our annual family camping trips they have produced some hilarious news report style videos of the action so I can imagine a wedding version could be quite entertaining.