Advice on MIL2B...not sure whether I am being silly or should be annoyed!!

I would stick with the package she has offered to pay for. If its no expense to you then why not?

I do think you should have a word with the venue and maybe any other supplier and tell them all final decisions must be from you or your OH.

In two minds whether you should say something to FMIL. She might just be so excited about her only child getting married that she thinks she is helping and not doing anything wrong x

Difficult one this. It sounds like her hearts in the right place and she thinks she is doing nice things for you both but I get that it's frustrating.I think she's also getting a little bit carried away in excitement.

Perhaps you could take her out somewhere, maybe afternoon tea or something, and tell her that you really do appreciate all she has done but remind her that's things are being organised the way they are to ensure everyone's needs are taking into consideration. Maybe you could give her a couple of jobs to do to keep her occupied and make her feel included.

In regards to the invites, could you give a certain number of guests?

Hope you get things sorted xxx

I would have thought changes likes that, i.e. and additional cost, would need to be authorised in writing (or e-mail) by the people who signed the contract.

It sounds to me like she's just being generous and wants to give you both nice surprises and that she wants to be involved. She just doesn't realise the full ramifications of her actions. Yes she should ask you first about the drinks package but, so your dad only drinks spirits, could you not just organise something for him? In any drinks package there's always someone who wants something else and they just go and sort themselves out, it's how it goes. And yes the money could perhaps go to something else, but if this is what she wants to do then is it so bad? It' not dissimilar to the scenario where someone gives you money and says you must spend it on such and such. You're wanting to accept her money but tell her what she must spend it on.

she is out of order asking to invite more people though and needs reining in on that front without a doubt.

It is bad that the venue accepted this fairly major change though and you're right to have a firm word with them about that.

I don't think you're being totally bridezilla but perhaps try and look at why she's doing these things. You've said how your dad is paying a lot towards this wedding, well perhaps she just wants to contribute too but in her way. I think having a good talk is right but do listen to her too.

hth

x

From what I can make out, none of the things she's done have cost you and your partner any money?

I think she's trying to spoil you both.

I can see why her calling your boss is annoying but I think she ha your best interests at heart.

Im sure most venues are used to parents paying for some part of the venue so may of just seen it as 'well if she's paying then what's the harm' kind of thing.

Id thank her for all the things she's done and just ask her to run things by you and your OH before anything else is booked/ altered.

What I'd give for a relative to book my OH off work and wisk us away!!

Personally, that would really get my back up. Who is she to start deciding how you money is spent - it's so controlling. If I were you, I'd stop telling her anymore details about it. I see in your ticker that you've got 14 months to go - how much more is she going to interfere with. Get your OH to tell her to butt out.

I'll be honest and say I'm surprised that most people so far have been so accommodating to your FMIL. if mine contacted my work and tried to book me annual leave or tried to make any changes to our wedding venue I'd be fuming. It doesn't matter if it's costing you money or not, it's an invasion of privacy. I'm amazed your work went along with it too! I think something needs to be said asap.

I think your MIL is totally in the wrong for doing things behind your back. It's your day but I think she is trying to make it about her. I would limit her knowledge about your wedding, eg don't give the name of your photographer etc so you keep control! Maybe give her jobs to do so she still feels involved, like helping make invitations

She is wrong but her heart is in the right place. My fmil recently passed away so is be glad to have her wanting to get involved and spoiling us. Life is just too sorry to get upset over good intentions.

I would say losing a few days pay was quite a big cost, actually.

It's lovely that she wants to be involved but she's taking it way too far and you need to be firm with her.

Thanks for all your comments and support her heart is completely in the right place and we do get on quite well that's what makes it tricky...she knows I won't take her bossiness though I've made that politely clear over the last couple of years. She is just very excited! The thing that makes it sooo frustrating is that one minute she's worried about us being able to afford the wedding (even passed rude comments which I over heard about my parents not being able to pay for anything and will only buy my dress as a present...which is a whole other story lol - as you can imagine I loved being able to say actually my dad is helping) I do not expect money from anyone as never dreamed my parents could help and their circumstances could still change but think its a lovely gesture just maybe not the most helpful one, she did say to me 'I'm thinking of my family who may not be able to afford a drink' which is rubbish! I have made it clear that she must not make any changes again without speaking to us first so hopefully she gets it! It will without a doubt happen again but I just hope the venue will deal with it better. I am still a bit annoyed but think in the words of frozen I should just 'let it go!'

With regards to the guest list I have already given an inch with that and let just say she's pushing it big time but I'm staying firm on that one, and we will deal with it this September when I send out save the dates :/

xxx

It seems like her heart is in the right place but that would really get on my wick!

Are there some specific jobs you can give her to do or some diy stuff to help with? Then she would be involved but you know what she is doing rather than thinking of surprises for you.