Advice please

You could have the super budget friendly wedding whether something private to you two and kids or just immediate family and then save for a vow renewal that's more flash later.

It boils down to what you want really. I sourced a lot of my outfit second hand and saved a fortune and a small wedding with a lunch or later wedding with a buffet meal could be brought in quite cheaply.

Maybe you could combine it with a family holiday or a trip to the seaside? You could go somewhere in the UK and have a registry office ceremony there and then go somewhere with a nice backdrop for some pictures and then a meal after? I wouldn't want to just change my name by deed poll either, I would want the ceremony to make it official.

That's a really good idea Jayne. Thank you ? What else did you do for your wedding day if you don't mind me asking? You sound brilliant at planning!

You're right Fleur, it just wouldn't feel right without the ceremony and it being official. That's a great idea about the holiday and seaside. Everywhere that I have a connection with around here is so expensive. I have to be careful how far away we would go as there are some family I need to be there. My ex-husband wouldn't allow any of my family at our wedding, so this time it means the world to me to have them there. My grandad is getting frail and my MIL and FIL are disabled so it needs to be accessible for them. Is it feasible to get everyone to come and have a holiday with us?

Well no one knows yet so I had to be. I'm getting married during a holiday to lapland which was already booked so I have no venue experience in the uk.

I bought a sample dress from a bridal shop 200 + 150 capped alterations charge. I did waste 50 on an ebay dress but my recommendation would be try bridal shops and samples as you can try them on. Or second hand local and ask to try.

5.00 yesterday for a gorgeous pearl and crystal tiara type headband. I'm going to attach a birdcage veil.

Sourced flowers in silk which are nice 55. Bouquet and tenner each for three buttonholes (two friends coming with us who will be witnesses)

fur jacket, fur headband and leather gloves total cost less than 25 but it is lapland in January so necessary.

Snowboots under I already have and shoes to change into back at the hotel I already have.

you could look at options of where to have the wedding and some registry offices are nice.

Then look at possible venues for a buffet or somewhere you decorate yourself.

think of guests hidden talents or if one has a large garden even.

Try local colleges who do photographic courses if you don't know one who would donate it as a wedding present. Find a nearly finished student?

album I'm using truprint photo book top of range about 50

thank you gifts etc don't have to be expensive it's the thought that counts. Even offering your services for something is more personal.

bhs etc do some lovely bridesmaid types at reasonable cost.

OH may have a suit he can use and have new tie to match your flowers etc and if not hiring is cheaper than buying.

hope this helps.

Where abouts are you? Sorry if you said and I missed it.

I think if you give people plenty of notice then they would probably make the effort to come to a wedding at the seaside just like any other wedding they might be invited to. If the wedding wasn't too far away then people wouldn't necessarily have to come on the holiday, they could come for the wedding part and leave you to your holiday afterwards.

Well it doesn't have to be expensive but if your last weddings were rushed then why rush this one? You could book something now for in a couple of years time as long as you know you can afford it or just save up and wait. I knew me and oh were forever, getting married or not wasn't going to change that but we still wanted to have a nice day and celebrate with all our friends and family so we were happy to spend two years waiting to do this.

I think I would go for the budget wedding, I wouldn't want to wait. I guess our wedding probably came to about 2.5k all in, but I wore a high street dress, my mum made my bouquet, and we didn't have a reception as such - it was still a lovely day and just what I wanted. You can see the pics in my report if you'd like

The thing is getting married is about more than just sharing a name.

For me I'd probably go registry office and then a meal afterwards. I imagine your nearest and dearest would understand your situation and would be happy to pay for their own dinner etc. (I know I would for someone in your situation).

I've ditched all the traditions I'm not interested in having to keep the costs down. I'm using an eternity ring I already have instead of a wedding ring. No hen night. No cake although that's because only 4 of us in lapland. Maybe someone could make you one or buy a m&s one etc.

i am splashing out on arrival by reindeer sleigh tho.

If you both want to get married and don't see a time with young children you will be able to afford the big wedding then go with what you can afford. I would.

In your position I think I would want to get married sooner rather than later, but I wouldn't want it to be £45 at the Registry Office in our normal clothes and then get on with life. I'd want to mark the occasion.

As others have suggested you can get great wedding dresses for low prices - samples, second hand, high street sales etc. or if you've done that before you may want to wear something totally different. If your OH already has a suit he can get that out.

Do you have any nice church halls or similar near you? We have one in our village which is gorgeous, its sadly too small for the giant affair our wedding has turned out to be, but I saw some pictures of it decorated for a wedding and it looked amazing. If you did something like that you could do your own catering, it doesn't have to be flash - sandwiches, sausage rolls, crisps, quiche, bread rolls, cold meats, cheese and biscuits. For your cake you can get a single tier from M&S or a local bakery, and some cupcakes (if you or someone close can make these then even better!) You can also supply your own booze or supply something for the toasts and ask people to bring what they want to drink along.

You could have a late ceremony, say 4pm, then you can just have an evening do so people only need feeding once. You don't even need a DJ, you could get people to bring their iPods and get some of those portable speakers (my OH has a small portable speaker and the sound quality is amazing, it was £40 in Currys).

Just a few ideas....... hope it helps.

In your position, I would definately want to do it sooner rather than later. I wouldnt be happy just to change my name as it doesnt have the same meaning as marriage.

I like a PP suggestion of going away somewhere, just the two of you and your children. You could then go for a lovely meal to celebrate as a family. You can get some really nice dresses that wont break the bank and make it feel weddingy!

I know someone who did this and then sent a card to everyone with a pic of the wedding to everyone they knew announcing they had got married. It was really sweet and romantic.

x

It depends on what sort of wedding you want. You could have a registry office with a meal out after with just close family or you could go diy to reduce costs or you could do it whilst away. There are plenty of ways to reduce costs including sample sales on dresses, eBay/Amazon etc for invites etc or diy them, if you know someone into photography that can save you a lot or a cake baker etc. flowers you can get second hand silk or even create your own

I agree that you shouldn't wait - having a wedding on a small budget doesn't mean it won't be what you've dreamed of, just that you might need to mamage your expectations of how "polished" it will be.

For instance, do you know anyone who could "contribute" to the wedding to keep costs down? Our friends who married at Islington town hall used the bride's brother as photographer (he was a keen amateur), and held their reception at a community centre where the bride's godmother volunteers, so they were able to use the space for free (quite a coup in London!) They put all the booze & food out on a couple of trestle tables for guests to help themselves, and hooked up Spotify playlists through their laptop for dancing. Other friends had a "pot luck" reception, where each guest brought a dish or dessert, with a "cake off" where the most eaten cake got a prize. Alternatively, if you have a friend/family member who is a keen amateur baker, you could rope them in to make your cake.

One set of friends got married on a Wednesday in the local town hall, a beautiful setting at a fraction of the cost of having it on the weekend. For their reception they used the function room of their local pub, with a buffet put on for guests and used an ipod playlist for dancing. She wore a £35 lindy bop dress.

Another way of saving money on flowers and decs is to get married during the Christmas season - town halls, churches, and most restaurants/pubs will have festive decorations and flowers up already, so you wouldn't need to pay for your own. Other friends married 12th Dec to make use of this - they also booked a local Italian restaurant for their reception. The restaurant allowed them to use the set Xmas menu for their meal (£15 per head), and to bring in their own ipod to be hooked up to the restaurant sound system.

All of these weddings were done on a tight budget, and they weren't any less fun-filled for it - in fact, they all expressed the personalities of the bride & groom.

I'm confused by the advice in this thread. OP had rushed her last wedding and now everyone's telling her to make the same mistake again. What's the rush?

i'm on the Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire border Jayne.

How do I get to the message you sent me so I can reply please? Will reply to your other post in a minute too. Trying to sneak it in while little one is asleep on me!

Not sure tbh, you might have to scroll through.

i think if you click on my name it brings up posts I've replied to but not sure if it finds individual messages. Don't worry I sometimes lose the thread also.

Thank you for all your help and advice. I really appreciate it. You've found some huge bargains there! Your Lapland wedding sounds amazing! Your idea about dresses in sample sales is brilliant and something I'd never heard of before. Where do you find out about things like that?

Your silk flowers idea is really clever and I love it that you can keep your wedding bouquet forever! You've got some brilliant ideas. I hop you don't mind if I borrow some. I had no idea so much could be done to keep the budget tiny. Well done!

That's a really good point Fleur. I hadn't thought of that! I'd only thought of Devon after your seaside idea. It has a special place in OH's heart, but with children, elderly and disabled people in the wedding party we'd have to travel down over two days and have everyone have a holiday too. I hadn't considered anywhere closer to home. Good idea!

I completely understand where you're coming from Bliss. Waiting definitely does have its merits. I'm not sure on whether it's the right course for us or not though. It might sound crazy but that ceremony will give us both emotional security. My first marriage was unhappy and filled with domestic violence and abuse, the rushed wedding planning due to being forced to hide a pregnancy was just the icing on the cake. OH and I are far more bothered about who we marry than it having to be a certain way or the material side of things. It's about not letting go now we've finally found the right person and nothing else apart from the children matters. I know that probably sounds nuts!

Ive just read your wedding report. It's beautiful :-) You look amazing and it sounds like a simple but heartfelt way of doing things.

Your wedding cake doesnt have to be expensive, we're having a £10 tesco finest red velvet cake, we're buying two one for the table and the other for cutting into slices in the kitchen as one isn't big enough.

i also pushed for smaller bouquet for my flowers as I didn't want a huge one anyway and got it down from £80 to £50.

I personally think if you want the big wedding, you need to wait and save for it. There's no point having a cheapy one and making do if it's not what you want.

We're having a cheapy one - ceremony at a hotel, followed by a meal. We're both very reserved people and the thought of having to do a first dance/speech/cheesy cutting cake photos fills us with dread, as does paying for a party and feeding people who make no effort to see us (example of this - my hen do is tomorrow and my friends are dropping out one by one - there was meant to be 18 of us, there is now 7, which has left me hugely out of pocket but that's a new thread!). All in all with registrar costs, food, OH and our son's suit and my dress the whole thing has cost just less than £1k.

Exactly Holey! It is about far more than that for me too. The different surname is just a big fat reminder to me that that big part of me is missing. No matter how many people in shops etc assume we're married because we have children, I need it to be the real deal.

Thats really kind of you to say. Thank you :-). I hope our families are as understanding as you!

You're very welcome and feel free to use any ideas at all. I don't have a big budget and would rather spend it on other things anyway. Yes Lapland was on my bucket list but so is Venice at carnival time lol.

Email me anytime if you want to ask something. ************@*****.**.**

Sample dresses usually pop up in the sales are generally are previous years designs I would imagine. Ring round bridal shops. X

Aww no it sounds lovely, if all the bells and whistles don't matter to you then go for it, you can have a lovely day on a small budget if that's what you want. The important thing is that you're both happy with whatever you decide to do.

Great idea for trimming the budget Jayne. OH has been inspired by this thread so when he finally gets some days off perhaps I can persuade him to think about what he wants more.

I love over your idea of arrival by reindeer sleigh!

its really reassuring that you'd go with what you can afford rather than wait. Tbh OH has already said that he'd like more children together so we won't have the money forever while they're little. I think he has hopes for a family football team! Haha!

Thankyou It was! I'm 40 and didn't feel like a big wedding with a traditional gown and all the associated hoo-ha was really me, so it was perfect for us.

Thank you for your advice Sunny. Your ideas are really helpful. We're 10 miles from the Peak District and some stunning scenery, so a really budget friendly option could be to find a village hall up there that will let us do the things you suggest ?. Unfortunately we have a fair few work friends and my extended family is huge, so there might be some that are expecting a party invite.

Thats a lovely idea MrsEdistobe. None of my family were at my previous wedding so it's really important to me that they're there but there's no reason why that can't be managed. :-)

You make it sound so easy ☺️? haha!