Advice please - dont know who else to ask.

I found out that a friend had slept with my then boyfriend behind my back and it totally ruined the friendships between her and the person who told me. I had moved on and was with someoe else when it all came out but I really would have rather never know. So going on personal experience TBH I would just let sleeping dogs lie. It's so long ago that bringing it up now would just cause unneccesary hurt and upset.

It's a horrible situation to have put you in and I would be seriously questioning the motives of the person that had passed the information on

xx

I can see where you are coming from - the person who told me was a guy who thought it was funny and that as it was so long ago it didnt matter. i dont think he meant anything maliciously and he keeps panicking that i am going to tell someone.

I just dont know whether i can see her and be all friendly knowing what i know. in 2 weeks we are going out for a meal just the three of is and i am going to feel so two faced. i feel like its me that has done it and feel so guilty. i just cant decide if its best to ask her if its true so she knows i know and then will understand if i am a bit cold with her. i dont want to ruin any friendships coz we are all very close and it is in the past and means nothing and we al do stuoid things when we are pissed and i am sure she regrets it.

the more i write i realise i should just leave it - amazing what "talking" through it does!!

thanks!

Its none of your business, so i would just keep out.

WSS.

I would be tempted to leave it as it was 2 years ago.

On the other hand she is there pretending to be her friend , who wants friends like that?

I had a cousin do this to me , i was also upstairs asleep & it was my boyfriends friend who told me , i didn't have anything but respect for him for having the guts to tell me & i was glad i found out what kind of friend/cousin she was.

It was many years ago now & things are fine between my cousin & i although i'll never understand why she did it.

I would leave it. I understand how you feel, but we've all done stupid things in the heat of the (drunken) moment. It doesn't make us bad or nasty people. She's still your friend.

It's a long time ago, and it would be an awful shame to ruin your friendships. I think you'll feel better about the situation as a bit of time passes, I think it's a bit of shock that your friend would behave like that.

Trust a bloke to spill though!!!

C xx

I totally understand why this is eating at you...im trying to see it as to if it was my firend that did it and tbh, i hate falseness and would not want to continue being false around ppl who had either casued trouble or hurt...its so hard living with knowing something and keeping something from another friend...but if u did same anything to the girlfriend, she would obviously but hurt but she would prob be thankful for u telling her,

Its a difficult one but sometimes honesty is the way forward...

x

Leave it...sometimes these things do happen, although I know being drunk isn't an excuse but theres usually some other reason stuff like this happens.

Its not really your place to say anything, so I'd let it lie. xx

This happened with a friend of mine who found out her best friend had slept with someone elses husband (and father of 2) whilst drunk. It completely finished their friendship as the thing that upset my friend the most was the way her friend joked about it and failed to show any remorse.

I can completely understand how you feel about your friend. I wouldn't tell her as she doesn't need to know, but I'd certainly be tempted to tell your other friend that you know about it and tell her how that has upset you.

What a horrible situation to be in. Im in the "don't tell" camp just because I would hate to upset people and it was 2 years ago now. I can understand how it would make you feel differently about your friend though - I would be completely the same. As EGIB says - maybe tell the friend that you know and tell her how upsetting it was for you to find out. On the other hand the sh*t might then hit the fan so I would be inclined to leave it altogether.

? for you though.

Don't tell the friend whose boyfriend it was-it won't serve any purpose, and people end up shooting the messenger (I've been there)

maybe talk to the friend who was doing the dirty? you dont know the full story I suppose and it might help to talk about it with her (although I bet she wont want to....)

My friend(now ex)slept with my boyfriend(again now ex though not for this reason) But she only told me after we split up hoping it would make me feel better about splitting with him.

To be honest id always suspected but to be told was awful.I still dont know why she told me,and needles to say it ruined our friendship.I dont talk to her anymore as i couldnt trust her and we were quite close.

Dont say anything to the friend that was cheated on as 1)she might not beleive you only just found out and will probs think youve known the whole time 2)sometimes it best not to find out these things IF it was just a one off unless hes making a habit and cheating on the girl regular as you dont say if they still together

Maybe let the friend who did the dirty know that you know and if you get a hint of it happening again then you wont be keeping quiet that time.

Feel better xx

Sorry just reread post and you say they not together anymore xxx

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom - i have had a totally wretched day (not just about this) but threat of redundancy and all sorts of other stuff.

I am going to have to talk to her about it or i will be two faced which is my pet hate and i cant act like normal round her without saying anything. but i will make her know that it was 2 years ago and i wont bring it up to hurt my other friend but that if i seem distant for a while its just while i get to trust (and like her again) i am not going to be confrontational or hurtful and will make sure it doesnt come out.

I just cant wait to go home to my gorgeous fiance who has just been out to pick my a candle for the bath he is going to run me while cooking my spicy enchilladas that he picked out of my Rosemary Conley cook book - ah thank goodness for good men!!

:-)

Hope it goes well and it sounds like you've got a nice helpful h2b there.