Advice- 'Who Pays What?'

I'm afraid that I am of the opinion that neither "should" pay.

Traditionally it would be the bride's family if anyone, but I think that times have changed so much that if you want to get married then you generally pay for it yourself. If your father wants to help then you can accept it, but don't expect it from anyone else.

Oh and welcome to hitched! ?

Sorry but I don't see why anyone should pay for your wedding except yourselves.

I don't think you should 'expect' anyone to pay, however if you have been offered the contribution then accept it if that's what you wish. Afterall it's your day. I think it's a bit cheeky personally asking for people to pay for things. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it wasn't intended that way! ☹️

My parents have paid a substantial amount towards our wedding, none of which we asked for, but all og which we are very grateful for ? My fiance and I have paid for some things too.

Firstly thanks for replying.

Please don't think that I'm demanding that family has to help out, we (H2B & me) are saving up and will be paying for the majority of the wedding.

My father for one wants to contribute and would be offended if he didn’t get the chance to as Im his only daughter.

All i was trying to ask, was how you think i should go about organising the budget by involving both parents, do you think that if contribution hasn’t been mentioned that its best to assume that there is going to be no contribution?

I think you should base your budget on what 'you and your fiance' think is neccesary and budget it as though 'you' could afford it yourself, that way you wouldn't be disappointed if you didn't get any help. ? x

Oh and welcome to Hitched by the way x

Apologies if you took offence but the first post was asking about how you should ask for the money - my answer is that you shouldn't ask at all.

If it hasn't been mentioned then don't expect anything and certainly don't ask!!!

x

i think it depends, even though your dad has offered you also have been saving so together you can arrange exactly what you want, between you

you dont say whether your future mother in law has the matching funds as your dad, maybe she hasnt mentioned the wedding or her contributing as maybe she dosent have the money to give you exactly what you want, me and my OH are paying for our wedding my mum and dad are paying for the venue hire though.

my OH's parents live really far away though and they dont mention the wedding much, never mind contributing to it, same as you,

just tread carefully, arguments are rife at wedding times lol

lara x

Hi Steph and welcome to Hitched ?

I would assume that they are not going to contribute. We have accepted the offer of money from my parents, which was lovely and very unexpected. We expected to be paying for the whole thing. I have no reservations about accepting my parents offer as they obviously want to give us the money. We are not discussing the finances or the fact that my parents have given us anything with anyone else and I don't feel that because my parents are funding the day that OH's parents should do the same. If they wanted to I am sure they would offer.

We have, as a result of the kind gift, made the invitations from my parents as a subtle acknowledgement.

Hi Steph,

Unlike many brides on here we are not paying for our wedding. Although we are contributing what we can. INstead my parents are paying for most of it. Our engagement was not a surprise at all as i started plannign teh wedding before my OH proposed. Once we were 'official' and had obviously seriously started to plan then his parents offered to pay for his and teh ushers suits (which is fairly normal) and then i am allowed to utilise his mum who is very crafty whenever and for whatever. She is baking cupcakes adn icing our cake, as well as possibly making the invites (which she has since kindly offered to pay for). If she hasn't offered already i think that it may be a case of as you go along and if you involve her then she may offer, but i wouldn't rely on it. Good luck planning adn i hope you get the budget sorted as once that bit is out the way the fun really starts.x

I have the opposite situation, me and OH are paying 95% of the costs, his parents are helping 'where they can' (I don't have a figure from them so anything is much appreciated) my parents however have no means to give us money, but my grandmother has made our invites as our wedding present (my dad is doing the inserts) and my mum (fingers crossed) is doing the cake, so basically we've not asked for anything but people have given what they can, be it money or skills.

Thanks Ladies!

That’s actually been really helpful, I think as you said if i just plan the budget with our savings and my father’s contributions any extras will be a bonus. Maybe because we haven't started any really preparations yet she hasn't got involved.

Anyway thank you for all being so welcoming, I will defiantly be utilising this place its brilliant can't wait to actually get to planning the good stuff!

My H2B and I are paying the majority of our wedding ourselves as we are also people who believe if you wish to get married you should have the funds to do it yourselves. However, both our parent's have been asking us whether we would like donations and instead of just taking something as impersonal as money we have assigned them things to buy for the wedding. H2B's parents are buying his suit, shoes etc. My parent's are buying my dress and accessories. That way the things they give are more appreciated than just some money towards anything that needs to be bought.