AIBU?

Do you have a history of giving C a list, that makes is easy for her to assume you would do so this time, if you are going? Can you tell Mary that you are happy to giver a lift from your office, but obviously can't pick her up as that would be ridiculous

L
xx

So, let me check this, your colleague is assuming that you will go 160 miles out of your way to pick her up? no, you are not BU, she is. That is madness.

Bloody hell, you're not BU at all. I've found myself in that situation so many times, but when you need something in return people are nowhere to be found. I'd say tell Mary, like Lois has advised, to get to the office where you can pick her up (if it's on your way) else suggest the train.

Maybe National Express buses?

xxx

Definitely not BU.

Get Mary to take the train to you to meet when you want to leave. If she can get a train and meet you en-route then fine, but there is no way I would drive extra to pick her up.

She is BU, but so is your employer in expecting staff to attend meetings at remote sites without checking that they are able to get there.

I've never had to attend a meeting with Christine so the issue of regularly giving her a lift has never come up.

Neither of us have ever even met Mary, only contact we have is by phone! She could be a knife-wielding psycho for all I know although I have met her boss who assures me she is not!

Didn't think I was BU but you tend to lose a bit of perspective when these things have wound you up.

My colleague Laura is under strict instructions not to give my contact number out to anyone so I will probably ring Mary fairly late on tomorrow and say meet me at X or sort yourself out.

I'd simply say to Mary that you are happy to give her a lift and you'll be going from x at x time and for her to meet you there. I'd also make it clear that you'll b dropping her back to said location en route home. Surely she's not expecting you to collect her from 80 miles away?

I don't think you are being unreasonable saying no to picking up someone who lives 80 miles out of your way. The least she could do is get to yours or your colleagues.

I sometimes find that people who don't drive can seem quite inconsiderate when it comes to lifts and things, possibly because they don't give any lifts and are used to people meeting their needs.

If I were Mary I'd be booking a taxi and expensing it, unless a train journey was significantly easier. It's not reasonable of the company to put her or you in this awkward position.

You're right that my employer is usually unreasonable - cant argue with that. However on this occasion both Mary and Christine both put themselves forward for this meeting and its in Milton Keynes so not exactly the middle of nowhere but decidedly far "down south" for us in deepest darkest North Yorkshire!

You giving her a lift from anywhere should be out of the question. She's a grown woman. She should make her own arrangements to get to the meeting and home again afterwards and as far as I'm concerned that means by getting a train. Which she should have booked last Friday when she found out rather than waiting til today to start begging lifts.

Stick to your guns and be firm. You're not her mother!!!

WSophieS.

But presumably someone's told Mary: "Nooniepie and Christine are going too, you can get a lift with them," and that's why she has contacted you?

I think its just that she's seen the list of who is attending and the three of us are the only ones going from our area. I hope no-one else has told her she can get a lift with us -they can drive her themselves if I find out that's what's happened! Sometimes wonder why I bother since the company is no doubt going to screw us anyway!

Thanks all.

Unless there is more to it than the OP, I'd be inclined to give Mary the benefit of the doubt. The information has been passed on 2nd hand and may well have got a bit lost along the way.

She may have called your office to see if you were planning on driving or getting the bus/train so that she could travel down with you, makes sense it's a long journey. Laura implied that you were probably driving so she wants to see if it's possible for her to tag along too.

It's not so inconceivable that when Mary says 'to sort out picking her up', she's not expecting you to drive 160 miles out of your way but to sort out picking her up from somewhere covenient along your route. Her original motive for calling was not to expect you to drive and pick her up and ferry her around like a taxi but just to see if she could travel with you. Just because the other office is 80 miles away, does not mean Mary lives 80 miles away, she may live a lot closer and have an easy way of getting to your office?? The 2nd hand conversation could be interpreted in may ways, without having spoken to Mary directly I think she is being made out to be utterly unreasonable here when actually she might just be being friendly.

If you don't want to drive, all get the train together.

It seems weird to me now how many people in the UK don't drive. How on earth do they manage?

I'd be well pissed off to drive 2 other people on a long trip. I like to go alone and sing loudly.

If I were you I'd get laura to let Christie know asap that she'll have to make her own arrangements. You are not bu when it comes to picking up Mary but I think Laura would be being a little unproffesional if she doesn't give Mary the maximum ammount of time possible to make her own arrangments.

I do think it's perfectly reasonable for Christine to ask for a lift - even if she did drive you would car share anyway and it's not like you won't be claiming for expenses.

Take them both and sing loudly anyway. You'll not be asked again ?

it does all sound annoying.

It's called public transport.

Some of us are quite pleased to limit our driving and use buses and trains etc where we can, you know. Something about the environment, I believe? ?

I don't drive and although I may ask for lifts for work related things (if more than one of us is going from the same office we tend to pile into one car anyway as more economical, driver or not) I will always ask them where is convenient to meet and get to there myself. Often it's from the office which is perfect as that's where I get to every day anyway.

Otherwise, I get the train.

I would call Mary, but just make it clear that you can only pick her up from somewhere near your office. If she doesn't like it, she should get the train.

This is one of the reasons why I want to go by myself!!!

Mary has rung my office this morning ang told Laura that she thinks the train fare will be too expensive and the company is meant to be trying to save money not spend it! Cheeky moo. Anyway I've emailed her this morning to say i'd pick her up at a train station between where I live and where I'd be getting onto the motorway. She then tells me that HR have booked her a single ticket to get there but could she get a lift back with me? Have replied that I will drop her off at the same station I said I'd pick her up from because taking her all the way home is very very out of my way. No reply yet.

I dont have a problem with car-sharing and saving the planet etc etc (apart from the obvious singing thing!) but I just think its rude not to have even been asked.

She sounds really cheeky to me - it's good to car share but only if it's feasible, not if it's putting you hours out of your way when you're already looking at a long journey.

Okay, your employer is being ridiculous. If "trying to save money" is that big an issue, send fewer people to the event.

I really dont think it is to be honest Sophie, there's only 10 of us going. Think this is something Mary has come up with to justify pestering me! Just makes me wonder how she thinks she'd have got there if I wasn't going and if saving money is so important to her why did she put herself forward for this knowing that it might cost the company x hundred pounds for her to get there.

Grrr. Really shouldn't be stressing about this, I'm supposed to still be on holiday!!!

I wouldn't be giving her a lift. Fair enough if it's 5 - 10 miles out of your way but a round trip of 160 miles? Fu[b[/b]ck that. If you weren't going she'd presumably have to find someway of getting there herself so I don't see why she can't still do that.

You're on holiday stop thinking about work !

You have given her the option of dropping her off at a station on your way if that's not good enough - tough ! It's up to her to sort it out with your employer, don't get involved

Now stop thinking about it and enjoy your last day's holiday

But why would she want to pester you just for the hell of it? Honestly, for your employer to expect you to give Christine a lift is tearing the ring a bit, never mind Mary as well.

I am in awe of people who travel by public transport. I go everywhere (except my work) by car. Public transport round here is completely awful, if I had to travel regularly on the buses I'd have murdered someone by now. I can tolerate the train but the station's in the next town so I have to drive there!

I suppose if you've never driven you don't know any different. If I am on the bus I always just think how much faster I would be getting to where I am going in my car. But my childminder who looks after Matthew and doesn't drive thinks nothing about taking 3 buses/train/underground etc to take him places, it makes me ashamed cos if for any reason I have no car it means we only venture within walking distance, as I hate the buses so much.

Gawd my post looks a bit twattish. I just mean that if for example I didn't have any option but to take the bus to town it wouldn't bother me it takes the best part of an hour to get there rather than half an hour. I didn't mean that people who use buses aren't aware that cars can get there quicker. Hope it doesn't offend. I do mean to use my car less and public transport more esp as my son loves buses and trains but I just can't face it!

I'm stunned that your HR think it is acceptable to only buy Mary a single ticket. WTF is that all about? How are they expecting her to get home again?

Good on you, Noonie, for standing your ground when she asked you to drop her home. I can't believe her nerve.

Because it's less hassle for her to have someone take her door to door than it is to get to station and back again, blah blah.

Seriously, my impression is that she's just blaming the company to put pressure on the OP and I'm guessing that she probably only asked for a single ticket from HR...

WCBHS.

It seems that noone at your workplace has grasped the fact that a drive from North Yorks to MK, with an event in the middle and a return drive is no mean feat in itself. To have people expect you to drive them another hour or 2 on top of all that is just plain silly.

WZS

A bet a single ticket isn't that much cheaper than a return. When I get a single from here to town it's about £4 and about £5 for a return!