AIBU and SISS

Of course I'd be peeved - it's just so damn... well, cheeky!

However, it's probably not done you any actual harm and you can be smug knowing that it's their money and their time they've just wasted.

Bet you're glad you've moved the other end of the country now though.

Thanks Zebra, there is that. I guess I'm just annoyed as H won't say anything to them as he thinks they would stop speaking to him (possible) and I am having to bite through my lip now half the time.

I am very very glad we have moved

YANBU!

I would be furious. It would be different if they suggested it, offered to do it and asked your permission first, but to do it and tell you after is realy out of order.

Not unreasonable at all, i wouldnt be happy, but as Zebra said, its their money they have spent....

You are not BU, I think if they felt the rooms needed sprucing and were willing to repaint, fair enough, but you ask don't you? They sound very difficult people to deal with, you have my sympathy!

Yes, I'd be furious they'd done it without asking. However, it's done now and the only person you're going to upset is yourself so I would try to ignore it (not easy I know) as long as it hasn't made the flat look bad. I was just about to have a moan about my MIL but I think I got off lightly compared to you, I wouldn't be able to cope with that. ?

Exactly what Zebra said. They sound really quite odd. Even if their heart is in the right place, there's something slightly creepy about parents who won't accept that their offspring have sprung! ?

Thanks everyone. Sadly it's not money they have spent as they had white paint sitting in the garage that they used

I think feeling vindicated in my outrage I shall leave it. We have moved away now so we have more space and I am less likely to explode with rage. To be fair, they have done a lot for us over the years, it's just the controlling side of things I can't bear. I'm 27 and H is 30 and they still haven't let go at all.

I would be fuming. TBH, I'd go back home and paint it all back the colour it was before, however that may cause more trouble that it would be worth....

At least your saving grace is you, your H and your bank statements are hundreds of miles away. ?

WZS

YANBU, they sound mad.

You are wise to rise above their decidely odd behaviour. Yes, of course they should have asked you first, and of course you feel pi$$ed that all your own painting efforts have literally been covered over. But you're a nice distance away from them, you don't live in the house any more, you don't need it so breathe deeply, raise your eyes heavenwards and move on ...

Sounds as if your H maybe ought to have put his foot down with them years ago and perhaps headed off some of this controlling behaviour at the pass?

I wouldn't care if they'd fitted it out from Colefax and Fowler and paint from Fallow and Ball, it shows a total lack of respect by not talking about it first. I'd be having a hissy fit and getting them to paint it back in the original colours. Utterly cheeky, and devoid of boundaries.

What an utterly wierd thing to do. I can see why it as bugged you, but in this particular instance I think no real harm done so long as they've done a reasonable job, so probably best to save your energy for arguing for their next wacky thing when it is something that does directly affect you.

Agree with all those who say it sounds like you're much better off with more miles between you!

Personally I'd be leaving the country never mind moving across it.

What's with the showing them your bank statements?! I couldn't be controlled like that so you have my respect for having coped this far with them.

Totally what everyone else said! Be very glad you are miles away now! (Kent is the best county to live in you know ? )

I'd try not to worry too much about it though as it shouldnt make any difference to the sale and its their time they wasted.

CBH - I didn't show them our bank statements! They asked but I said that since it was joint bank accounts, however controlled my H was at that point, it would be over my long dead body that they got them. The real problem for my poor H is that they are very passive aggressive. My H is very sad about his relationship with his parents, he desperately wants it to improve, but the second that he tries to talk to them about their behaviour his mother starts saying that she's only trying to help etc.

The worst part is that I think they honestly do do all of this with our best interests in mind. I think they are upset that we don't run everything past them before we make even the smallest decision. What they don't realise is that due to their complete lack of interest in almost anything we do that isn't to their ideal timetable (e.g. wedding/babies) we are less inclined to talk to them about anything at all.

I think we will let all of this slide for now because I am sure that when I do eventually get pregnant, there will be some lovely battles looming there considering his FIL doesn't believe in maternity leave etc and that they used sticks to hit my H when he was young...

Thanks again everyone, I feel much better now

How on earth can he not believe in maternity leave? Does he mean that you should work throughout (although legally, you can't) or that you shouldn't go back to work therefore it's not 'leave' it's 'left'????

As clear as I can understand it (and bear in mind that I was full of rage at this point) he thinks you should either give up work completely, or you should go back to work and put the baby straight into child care, although he did allow after I told him you can't go back for at least two weeks that you should use your holidays for this period. His opinion is that you choose to have a baby, so you should sort it out and not inconvinience your employers. *weary sigh* He isn't the most liberal man though.

Oh gosh. You poor thing. Best thing to do is just count to ten (hundred). lol

OMG how do you put up with him??

?

OMG they get worse! I really don't know how you haven't commited murder ?

I'd be furious, you could imagine they were doing it for your benefit if the house needed re-decorating but as you did it before you left you house it just seems, well, like they're trying to prove some point with you.

I'll go and view if you like and make comments about 'cold white painted houses being without imagination' ?

I am very patient and I hate rowing with my husband. If I screamed at them like a fishwife it would make me feel better, but in the long run, H would have to choose between us and I don't want him to have to do that. Anyway, we now live across the country, so it's the best of both worlds really.

Maxi, that would be great, could you throw in about the shoddy paint work as well. ?

I can't believe you said his FIL doesn't believe in maternity leave and that they used sticks to hit my H when he was young, but people only picked up on the maternity leave thing! Did they really hit him with sticks?! That's awful.

Anyway, to answer your original question, they sound completely mad, but you've made the right decision to let it go.

What a barmy couple of parents...

The questions I'd be asking are;

1) have they actually done a good job or have they painted it really sparingly and made it look like a cheap botch job

2) will I be seeing the receipt for the paint & and invoice for the work they've decided to undertake...