AIBU? Bridesmaid related

Hi ruthy

Dont think you are being unreasonable as you do say that you understand the work thing,possibly unavoidable but still would be a bit upsetting as you would have to cut your time together short but i think its downright naughty of her to plan to see another friend when you clearly made all the arrangements months ago.

Im assuming you kept her up to date about everything that was going to happen in this week.I can totally understand you being upset about this and i truly dont think shes being a very good friend.Id never drop out of an arrangement to see another friend and would be totally upset if a friend of mine had done this.

Have you answered the email yet?Do you know how youre going to reply?

Take care and i hope you get this resolved xx

I do think its a shame specially as you have managed to organise everyone for a week. Part of me thinks its her loss as she is going to be the one who misses out. You have tried involving her she needs to make an effort too. However 3 days is much longer than I spent looking at dresses so I am sure it can be done.

Well, my other BM sent us all an itinerary of all our activities about 5 months ago! And we've all kept in constant touch and she never once mentioned that she'd have all these other things to do.

I'm just replying now...I don't feel like there's much that I can say other than, "of course it's ok if you want to go visit X/or leave early for work appointment".

I know special cirmustances/meetings always crop up at the last minute. Because of that, I think maybe I'm being a bit unforgiving. But by the same token, I feel like I should be upset because we've had it planned for so long...if I had scheduled to do something with her 7 months prior, there is no way I would write at the last minute to change plans.

Hey Lovely,

Firstly happy 11 months to go.

Secondly I think the whole BM thing is a difficult one. Before I got engaged, I really wasn't that fussed about the whole wedding thing - but some of my friends are. I think that you might just have to accept that she's not going to be as excited as some of your other friends. Its just the way it is.

One of my BMs is being a bit *difficult* but at the end of the day, to her the wedding is 9 months away and not constantly on her mind! (unllike me)

I think you might just have to have a fabby time with your other 2 BMs and (for now) accept your BMs behaviour. If it carries on to the point of rudeness then maybe say something - but its not always worth rocking the boat. You can clearly have a fantastic time with the other two anyway.

Plus everyone on here will want to see /hear about your dress shopping.

Anyway to make you laugh, I think I have broken my toe!!!

HTH

xxx

A whole week is quite a long time to spend doing nothing but wedding related things. It wouldn't have made sense for your friend from Dallas to come for a shorter length of time so that's ok and your friend who lives around the corner can easily accommodate your shopping needs. I suppose they the friend who lives 2 hours away has seen this as a good opportunity to catch up with another friend so I can see why she'd want to do it. As for the important meeting, it is not always that easy to reschedual to be fair.

I think you are a little unreasonable to expect all 3 of them to do nothing but shop for dresses and do other wedding related things all week.

I think its brilliant that you've managed to co-ordinate all 3 of them to come with you at all.

I'm gonna agree with rosencrantz on this one. Theres been times when ive arranged to travel/stay somewhere and Ive even said to my HOST that I'll be taking time out to meet someone else during my visit. its also given them the chance to do their own thing too. Killing two birds with one stone is better than killing your best mate for getting on your nerves by always being there! LOL. (or is that just me...?)

Let it give you a chance to catch up with your Dallas buddy....

As I mentioned in my post, my other BM has organised a whole bunch of things. Not just wedding related. She also organised pamper sessions and spa treatments and booked tables at restaurants and lots of stuff i don't know about. I think in total we actually have 4 1-hour appointments scheduled for trying on wedding dresses which I don't think it's too much to expect. Particularly when I need to get their dresses at some point..otherwise they're wearing bin bags and I'm not sure they'd appreciate that! Who knows when I'll be able to get all of them together again?

The whole point is that I never get to spend much time with any of them, and we organised this so that they could all meet and they can get to know each other. If that's unreasonable then I'll defo take that on board.

I would hope I manage to co-ordinate more than 3 people to come to the wedding ?

Hiya,

I'm sorry to say but I think your being a tad unreasonable. 5 days is a lot of time to dedicate to one person even though loads of things have been planned.

Since your bm lives 2 hours away I think her wanting to visit her friend is a sensible way to make the most of her trip and meetings can't always be rescheduled.

I know it would be nice to have all your bm's there but I think her giving up 3 days if actually quite a lot. Would be best if the days she can spend with you are the days you will be trying dresses on which is the main thing after all.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

Lx

Hey you,

I dont think your being unreasonable, but I can kind of see both sides of this now that Im getting married.

I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends when I was only 20 and now that im going through the planning etc I now realise that I was probably the worst bridesmaid ever and she must have had many of these moments before the wedding with me. I had no idea of timescales, how long things took, how long you needed to order dresses or how much effort my friend had put in organising things etc.

I think there is a good chance thats whats going on here. Like tee hee said, before, I wouldn't have thought twice about organising to catch up with another friend if they were near the bride I would have been thinking, oh Im there for a few days, I'll nip and see x, I would probably also be thinking that it would give you sometime with your other BM, just the two of you, who had travelled so far (I wasn't totally unthoughtful!lol)

Now though, I can see why you'd be like, seriously, I've organised all this (or my BM has) dont be so rude and ungrateful to organise other things and leave early!

Once she's actually been with you and got involved in the wedding things, she might be more excited and realise whats involved.

(Im just waiting on you blowing my whole theory here by telling me she's just got married!lol!)

Hope all goes ok hun, try not to let it get to you, you'll still have a fab time!!!

Dee x

I have to firstly you are doing amazingly well even getting them all to take a week off their work.........I have been lucky to get mine all together for 1 day. I recently decided to get them together to chat about the hen night. One is 1/2hr drive away, 1 10min away and the other 4hrs drive away. The 1/2hr bridesmaid didn't even show and after several calls phoned at 9.30pm to say she had forgotten all about it........even though I had phoned her the night before! I would love for us all to get together and my BMs to get to know each other better but I would have no chance of getting them to take a week off!!![:'(]

I think its a miracle you are getting all of them for 3 whole days so well done.

I have to agree that you shouldn't be to harsh on the one who has other appointments with work/m8.........there could be a good reason for her going to see this other m8........and if she is a good friend to this other girl she might not be able to explain why........I mean you wouldn't expect her to blab your confidences.

3 days is plenty of time to explore dresses and I may be wrong but from yr posts you seem to know yr own mind and suspect the shopping trips will be more a girly bonding session than anything else.

As I said well done for managing it in first place and enjoy it..........bit envious of you really

H x

Ah Ruthy - what a shame, I know how much you have been looking forward to this.

TBH though, and as others have said, as long as she is around for the dress/BM dress shopping then thats the main thing. The rest of it will be lovely but if she has to be elsewhere then she is the one who will miss out and sounds like she is still able to make most things?

Are you hoping to get their dresses aswell at the appointments you have booked? Any ideas of what you want? It took longer to get my BM dresses than it took to get mine - and I only have 2 who are the same size and colouring!! Might be an idea to sound them out beforehand about what they will/will not wear to speed things along! Shoe shopping too!

Sounds like a great week!

Exactly WPGS. To get everyone together for a weekend would be good enough IMO but to do stuff together and "give up" 5 days is quite a lot esp if they don't all know each other. Does your friends 2 hours away know your friend in Dallas? Can't you think of it as 3 days all together doing loads of fun stuff and then you will have 2 days with your other bridesmaid and your Dallas BM or just your Dallas BM just to have a good old catch up as I'm assuming you don't see her that often. Did your Dallas BM live in the UK previously? If so, there might be things she wants to do or people she'd like to catch up with too.

If your BM was bailing out of various things for a 2 days weekend that was booked months ago then yes I can see why you'd be annoyed but as its 5 days I do think ABU, sorry.

Lisa x

WPG&LLLS

Five days is a lot. I know you said there's other things involved but if someone asked me to spend five days looking at dresses and assorted other activities then I would think it a bit much. There's also a cost factor involved, could that be a reason as well? If you've got 3 days where you are all together then that sounds like plenty of time so I wouldn't be annoyed with her for wanting to catch up with other people near by.

I've got 3 bridesmaids as well, none of them live close by. The nearest is about half an hour away (and doesn't drive) and the other two are about 2 hours away (but not near each other). If I can get all three of them together just once for dress shopping then I reckon I'll be doing OK, anything else will be a bonus ?

I agree with the others - 5 days is a lot. I know it's "only 2 hours" away but that's not actually a small amount for most people. I actually live "only" 2 hours away from some friends in London but I don't see them that often - when I do get down to London even for a night I try and squeeze in seeing as many people as possible.

Also, meetings can't always be rearranged - speaking as a secretary who arranges meetings for a living - it's not just your friend's diary in question.

While I love my friends and would have loved a long weekend with them doing weddingy things, i would have found 5 days a lot and I was the bride! You'll have 3 days with her, and I think that's plenty. Try not to let this ruin your enjoyment of the time you spend together.

Hi, now that this dilema has passed, hope it went well btw. What things did you do on your time together.. im wanting to plan something like this when i finally decide on bridesmaids as they all live all over the UK!

Thanks x