AIBU? mr c wanting to go on holiday without me...

If he can afford it and it's not going to put you in debt or mean that you are not going to be able to go on holiday together for the forseeable future, then he should go for it! Rather him than me though!!!

It's irrelevant what I would do as there's no way we could ever afford that, but in the event of a lottery win, I would let him.If it's a once in a lifetime dream of his it would be unfair to stamd in his way.

I would however make sure I got a fantabulous holiday in return with David Tennant.

I wouldn't be thrilled, but if he can get the money together without selling the family silver I'd do the supportive wife bit. I'm assuming there will be the trade off of a nice holiday for you with as much sun and alcohol as you can stand.

Gawd, that's a toughie. I guess if it's his money and you can still go on hols then i'd have to let him.

MrSun is the same I suppose, he doesn't really take much notice of my opinion unless i'm very passionately against. He went out and bought a £7k motorbike even though I really didn't want him to. Fecking things sits in the garage most of the time.

Very impressed with you taking it seriously - if Mr Loo came home and said he wanted to go the North Pole on his hollies I would fall about laughing and ask him to bring me back an elf!

But really, I guess it would depend on what we would jointly have to sacrifice to make that kind of trip happen - if it meant a year of Spam dinners then it would be a no, however if he was serious about making it a trip of a lifetime, and the payoff was say, no summer holiday for us as a couple for one year, I'd probably be happy to roll with it. As long as I got a really nice handbag out of it.

In a 'money is no object' world, fine. In this world, I would be wondering where my £10k to do something I'd love to was

L
xx

I would want to go too - it's a chance I wouldn't miss for the world. Given that you don't, though, if it can be managed without compromising what you can do as a couple I'd let him go with my blessing.

Is there anything special you could then save for jointly for you to have?

WSS. I'd also be thinking of all the things I could do with 10-15K and be quietly, secretly a teeny bit pi$$ed off ?

I would let him go. I'm maybe a little biased though as it is a dream destination for both me and Mr Nora. We worked it out to be around £15k for both of us so unreachable at the moment but definitely a plan for the future.

If its a real dream for him and he can afford it then he should do it. He'll resent it if not.

Make the most of it and have a couple of weeks on a spa holiday (or wherever your dream holiday would be) as a trade off and don't go until you can both afford it so you're both saving for you dream together.

Well, first, your title. "mr c wanting to go on holiday without me". its not really the case that he wants to go WIHOUT out you is? as in "i m want to go, but youre not invited", it sounds like its someting he really wants to do, and knows full well that you wouldnt want to do it.

second, if he really wants to go, and this isnt just a whim, then i d be encouraging him unless he s going to get into debt by doing it, in which case, i d tell him to save up, for it not to effect any other holidays that we might have, and for him to get on with it.

if you put him on a guilt trip (which sounds like whats going on at the moment) then ultimately he ll probably resent it, and you, and end up going anyway as a *** you kind of thing, which is what i d do.

so, on balance, encourage him. youre married, you have years ahead to go wherever and do whatever. let him get on with it and be enthusiastic for him.

see, he really wants me to go too. but i'm thinking a) £15k to look at snow b) £15k and c) snow. nah, not selling it to myself ?

lauraloo, i know, i know. ? we've had those conversations. and more...

the title is a bit wedding planning isn't it? i couldn't think how else to word it ?

the PA stuff is a bit jokey tbh, i'm not like that, and if money was no object then i'd say to him to go tomorrow

its just...£15k...we could go on four amazing holidays together for that...

gah. its a toughie

Why does it need to be 15g? cant you say to him "look, if you can do it for 10 then cool, get on with it" and see what he says? seems like a lot to me. we could have 5 weeks in thailand for 15g. ok, 4 ?

and your thread title is pure needy ?

Oooh get him to take Andrew along too, I'd love a few weeks without him right now ?

(bathroom.still.not.done)

I don't think you're being unreasonable but then I don't think he is either.. meh not a lot of use am I?

As for snow and £15k there'll also be penguins or polar bears to see? (can't remember which pole they live at respectively)

If he can produce the cash without leaving you in debt or bereft of holidays and nice things for years to come, then fair dos. I'd not be overly impressed if the money difference meant I'd be on Tesco value baked beans and toast and no nights out, clothes, beer for the next 3 years though ?

SophieM - if I win the lotto, you can come with me and H ? We'd love a trip to Antartica too - H's friend went and took fab penguin pics.

Spending £10-15K on boys holidays abroad getting pissed and larking about, no. I'd be miffed.

North Pole adventure? I'd be so excited for him. Of course I'd support him. I've told him so too, just now. He looked bemused.....

In our case, I know we wouldn't spend that kind of money on just one of us, we would rather go on holiday together. I think it's difficult to say, I wouldn't just grin and bear it if it upsets you though as that just breeds resentment, which obviously isn't healthy in any relationship.

its the polar bear one.

nick, needy is my middle name. i'm all of a quiver since evy called me a nasty twunt ?

isn't that the south pole? ?

JK, i nearly did a little wee then. i bet mr JK is now thinking 'WTF...?'

Yes, or at least it would be if I spelt it properly!?

I'd love to go to the Arctic circle too - our honeymoon was meant to be Iceland but we're still awaiting that joy. ?

It's not always dark, by the way. If you go in the summer you get 24-hour sun, what more could you want?!

Mr JK's cousin Lizzie is working in the arctic at the moment - it's a study on climate change.

This is her, and her record of their activities

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7468180.stm

oooh, i bet mr c would be interested in looking at that ?

Mr T and I go on separate holidays every year but we also go together. if it was something Mr T really wanted to do then I would be supportive.

In our case, it wouldn't happen, £15k is just too much to spend on one of us when we have so many joint projects eating money as it is.

Aren't there any charity type treks to the north pole where you pay a certain amount and then have lots of jumble sales and get sponsored and things to raise a load of money for charidee?

Also, and I can't think of a subtle way to say this, but I assume you have to book these trips quite far in advance... aren't you hoping for a baybeh - I know its not a simple thing to plan round/for but in x months time your situation could change dramatically and Mr C being at the North Pole could be most inconvenient. Unless of course he can book something via lastminute.com!

I'd have no problem with OH going on holiday without me - I do it to him!? In fact I'm going on hols with my mum in 9weeks, to Italy, and he's dog-sitting my mum's ?'s!

For me the problem would lie with the money aspect. I think the only way we could justify it would be to spend equal amounts, so if he's spending £10-15k, then you get the same amount to spend as you'd like.

that would be an elaborate way to try and evoke the law of sod, wouldn't it? ?

anyway, i can't see any baybehs coming along any time soon, so we may as well make the most of it...

I wouldn't be happy about spunking £15k on a trip to "just coz I wanna" but then again, we have a fairly restricted budget and I would be going mental about spending the kids' Uni money on a jolly.

IF you have that level of income where it isn't an issue, and you're happy for joint funds to be spent on it, why not support him & give him your blessing? Decide what you want as the trade off, though ?

This is the sort of thing my H comes home and announces all the time.

For me, if he wanted to do it and it was something that we could afford I would have no problems. Having said that, going to the north pole is hardly like a weekend trip to malaga.

Whilst I have never been myself, lots of my colleagues have done a lot of cold weather testing up there and its an extreme environment. To go they all had to undertake some serious survival training and it takes time. I think that woule be the crucial factor for me. Its all very well having a burning ambition to go and all that but the reality and the idea are far far apart. Is he planning an trekking all the way there? I would want to be absolutely sure that he stood a reasonable chance of getting there, its not as if he can pop to going places after the event and say "look, it really wasn't as described in the brochure so I would like my money back" can he.

I think if it were me and my H, I would indulge it for a while and be quite certain it would all go away when the reality of the task became apparent.

Assuming that it's not just a whim and isn't going to bankrupt you, I'd be supportive (actually, I'd want to go too ?). I also wouldn't necessarily expect a similar amount of money allocated for me- over a whole lifetime these things even out, and (esp if funds are an issue) it seems a bit silly to say "well, I want a £15k holiday too" just for the sake of it. I would, however, expect similar support and understanding from him if I ever wanted to spend joint money on something I really wanted, be it a trip, a course, a hobby- whatever.

That's an absolutely excellent idea - it is a lot of money and I think that this would be the perfect way to compromise. I have a friend who is off to look after pandas in China and we've raised £1,400 for him to date and only need another £300.

KtC my ex and I often took separate holidays - we tried snowboarding once, he loved it, I hated it - so each year we would have one holiday together and one apart which worked out well for us. If the money is a sticking point and I imagine with most people that it would be, then if he could find a charity way of doing it that would be perfect.

My Dad really wants to go to Antarctica (although he probably wouldn't say no to the Arctic either!) but my mum won't let him. He's 63 this year and very fit, but has an congenital, electrical problem with his heart and given that:

- He did the Inca Trail in 2004... and had palpatations and thought he was going to die

- He climbed Kilamanjaro in 2005... and had palpatations and thought he was going to die

- He climbed to Everest Base Camp in 2006... and had palpatations and thought he was going to die

My Mum has told him there is no way that he is going to Antarctica! He's on tablets now and so still gets out the brochures once in a while... which my Mum promptly puts in the cat's baskets an hour later. ?

My understanding of those charity trips is that you pay for yourself and raise money as well for the chosen charity. you dont just get your mates to pay for your holiday ?

hey he coukd have a holiday poem to send his mates

i m not selfish, really i m not
my wife doesnt understand me
she cares not one jot
a trip of a lifetime, that's what I need
to give me a break from spilling my seed
so come on my friends, send me some cash
to antarctica i need to dash
its not a boys trip, no drinking or strippers
i ll be in my tent early, with pipe and slippers
so help me raise cash, and sell off your tat
never let it be said that I'm a cheap twat

WNS. Although an ex-colleague of mine did a North Pole trip and managed to convince the company to basically foot the bill as 'good publicity'. He also got some corporate sponsorship from clothing companies for all his gear and spent a year flogging cakes etc to everyone in the office to raise money, we were all sick of the trip before he'd even gone. He didn't raise nearly as much for charity as he'd estimated in the end but he got a new career as an after-dinner speaker out of it to earn himself some extra cash...it was the rest of us who ended up out of pocket!

Back to the question - if we could afford it without scrimping and he really wanted to go, I would happily let my H go. My H, however, just wants to go into space with Richard Branson, so I've told him he'll need to save up for that.