AIBU? mr c wanting to go on holiday without me...

pipe and slippers ?

What's wrong with combining the two? Another mate is doing the Great Wall of China cycle trip - he's raising lots for Macmillan (his Mum died last year of asbestos-related cancer) and he's spending an extra week out there after the ride, just to relax (a week that he's totally funding himself might I add). I don't see the problem? He can either come back with everyone else - or stay out an extra week and arrange his own flight home at his own expense? When you're there, you're there.

I think Nick means that the whole cost of the trip should be paid by the person taking part, including the expenses involved in doing the charity stunt itself, so that every penny of the sponsorship money goes to charity. And I agree- it's shocking also that some charity parachute dives allow you to raise, say, £100 in sponsorship then jump for free- it basically means that the people sponsoring you are paying most of their money for your jump rather than to the good cause.

Ah I see what you mean, well friend has raised over £10,000 to date, he's paying his own flights, so I don't think it applies in his particular case.

That rather depends on how much the rest of the trips has cost- it could be £9,000 ? Anyway, we'll have to disagree.

What does PA mean?

What I'd be worried about is that it's the friend who is adventurous but is the H? Does he really know what he'd be letting himself in for? Is your H a Ray Mears type? Will he be drinking the blood of a deer to survive? ?

If it was my H and he really really wanted to do after all his research and everything and if money wasn't an issue I'd say fine but personally I don't think he would because it must be lonely up there - what's he going to do when he's not out and about? If there was better use for the money then I wouldn't be as easy going.

I don't really understand - if a charity has set an amount that has to be raised, and it is happy with that then how can there be any problem?

L
xx

Exodus do Arctic trips for a lot less- would he consider something cheaper, if the money's a sticking point?

I've just looked - cost of trip is £1,120 - individuals are asked to raise minimum of £3200 - with 65% of that sum then going straight to the charity. As I say, my friend has already raised £11,420 and he is paying for his own flights (which are ordinarily included in the £1,120, so that takes the overhead stake down to approximately £500 given the cost of flights on the dates he is travelling). So Macmillan are paying £500 and he has raised nearly £11,000 that will go directly to the charity. I think that's a fair deal really. But as you say, agree to disagree, because I think that's pretty good actually.

Hmmm, for us it'd be a huge no-no.

Mostly because we've not got £10-15 spare, and we won't be ablet o save up that kind of money for the foreseeable future, but also because Mr Smith now has his kids too, so he wouldn't want to risk his life by going to somewhere like that.

I've even said to H in the past that I'd love to go to Egypt or something, but considernig our bank balance goes back to £0 each month (if not minus!) we just can't even consider having holidays.

HOWEVER!

I would let him go, if he could save up and it was his dream. As someone previously mentioned, if you make him feel guilty and not want to go, he'll start to resent you eventually (I already do for a few things with Mr Smith, and it's not a very good foundation for a happy marriage)

Good luck!

SLD, I haven't come on here to criticise your friend- I was just clarifying Nick's point. If your friend is open about the fact that part of the money he collects will fund the trip rather than go to charity, that's absolutely fine (although of course it might put people off sponsoring him- obviously not too much given how much he's raised!) My experience is that people tend to pay for the whole of the trip themselves but obviously yours is different. I do think it's completely off for someone not to tell sponsors if their money is being used to fund the trip, so that someone who believes he's giving £100 to Macmillan is actually only giving £65- it's unfair on the donor and on the charity. But clearly that's not the case for your friend.

I wouldn't want to go either, nor would I be to happy about all that money being spent on a holiday to be honest (if it were me), however, if you have the money and it's something he really wants to do i wouldn't stand in his way. I take it you would have a holiday together aswell? If not that would be a no no for me. Does he enjoy the same holidays you do (sun, sea, sand and booze) or does he just go to please you?

H and I go on seperate holidays/weekends away but always go together aswell. I would expect a fantabulous holiday in return though?

I should really find the link to the thing he wants to do shouldn't i? i don't think it involves sleeping in tents or slaughtering reindeer tbh. obviously i've been paying loads of attention...

haagweg, PA= passive agressive

Sure KN, I don't mean to come across as overly defensive, sorry if it seemed that way. I do know of the cases that you mean - whereby it's almost just funding something fun - but I was certain it wasn't the case here so just wanted to confirm the facts and figures to make sure I wasn't spouting crap. Yes he is being very clear about how the pie is divided, as it were.

That's a bit aggressive about a holiday isn't it? He's not going out to save the planet or the polar bears. It all depends on importance and priority and for me acknowledgment that it's a big decision so he shouldn't be surprised if he's wife isn't that thrilled by it, especially initially and her feelings on it count for something too.

Keef - I personally don't think the onus is on you to support an extravangant holiday plan for him just because you're in a marriage etc. I think the onus is on him to convince you that it's not a whim, how he plans to pay for the trip and acknowledge that this might mean a sacrifice of a couple of holidays for you but that he'd do the same for you if it was the other way round for a similar passion. (Then I'd start planning a round the world type trip ?). You don't sound like you are being passive aggressive - you sound like you are taking it well and that you would agree to it?

Weeellllll, £10-£15k is a lot of money.... how about a day trip to Lapland instead? Still gets him in the Arctic Circle and all that and cheap at half the price! Think of what you could do with the money you've saved...... ?