AIBU/WWYD So cross!

I don't think you ABU because I would be really hurt too - the fact that he thanked the dressmaker who wasn't there and not the usher is really odd.

But I wouldn't do anything. It's for your H to say something if he wants.

I don't think you're being unreasonable either, mainly I suppose because the reason they gave you for wanting your OH to be an usher was that they really wanted to include him in the day, even though they didn't even want ushers initially. You'd think that if they wanted him involved so much that they kept a position for him in the wedding party, they would at least acknowledge him in the speeches as a really close friend.

Then again it could just be a genuine mistake, and I would probably leave it either way, despite you obviously feeling a bit hurt for your OH. As bookgirl said, it's probably best for him to raise it with them if it's really bothering him.

I would be really upset too, so no YANBU.

x

I would be upset also - it's streange to hand out so many thank yous and nothing to your OH. has anything happened recently which might explain their behaviour? Even if it's not seomthing you would think is a big thing?

That was a really odd thing to do... To ask your h2b to be an usher (quite an imortant job in my opinion) and then not acknowledge him throughout the whole ceremony and reception! I would be cross too so no, you aren't being unreasonable at all!

Seems as though they've at best been a bit thoughtless and forgetful.

Personally I'd move on and forget about it. Life's too short to worry.

You're not being unreasonable. I think they have been extremely thoughtless.

If you want to go down the slightly childish route (my preferred route everytime), I would get your H2B to speak to them and just say "I just want to check that you were happy with how I carried out my usher duties on your wedding day. I was really nervous about letting you down because of the responibility it involved, and I've been really concerned with what you thought?" (add more flannel if required).

If you just get a "You were fine" rather than a "You were brilliant and we really wanted to thank you by..." then I'd drop them from the Christmas card list.

(Although I have PMS so probably not the best person to be offering delicate advice at the mo...)

What Ali Lindsey said ... is it really worth risking the friendship? Yes its is a bit odd for your OH not to be mentioned, and I can appreciate why he would be a bit hurt but I just think you should move on and not get embroiled in any sort of 'debate' about it ...

To put it in context - I (as the BRIDE!!!) didn't get a mention in my Husbands wedding speech so .... ?

Thanks for replying. I can't think of anything to warrant this kind of behaviour, H2B even stayed tee total so he could drive everyone round on the stag weekend last weekend.

I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but they've upset my H2B and that makes me angry. It also affects our wedding as well as we'd thought about making the groom an usher but OH isn't sure now.

I wouldnt bother asking the guy to be an usher........if he cant even say thank you and show thanks then dont bother......get ur own back in a way??

Coming at this as an old married, was it a case of them putting some roles as more important?

I don;t think you are being unreasonable at being hurt, I can see why you think it is a snub (and at the end of the day it was!). It's just I know sometimes people see the different roles in a wedding in very different ways.

I think though it needs to be your H that says something if he wants to. It seems odd they might have intentionally done something like that though.

I'd be upset too, as I'm sure H2B would be. But as said before, is it worth putting a friendship at risk? x

You definately aren't wrong to be annoyed, it doesn't take much to say thank you! I wouldn't say anything though, as everyone else said you wouldn't want it to ruin the friendship and they probably don't think they have done anything wrong as he wasn't an official 'usher'. If i were to say anything it would be like Kelly29, i would love to hear what their response would be to that, but as i said they are probably compleatly oblivious!!

I have recently come to realise that people who you think are your friends seem to not think as much of you as you do of them, it's hard to swallow, but some people just get caught up in their own lives!

Look on the positive side, at least now you know how other people will feel at your wedding and you can make sure you don't make the same mistake!