Am I a bridezilla if...

No not Bridezilla at all! Olus she wouldn't want to have it cut on the day and be covered in itchy bits of hair all day surely? Not like she be able to have a shower to get rid of the bits as she'd already have had her hair styled and would ruin it.

Is it a money issue do you think? Could you pay for her to have it done somewhere? I know you shouldn't have to but it'd be preferable to having a BM with manky straggly hair in your wedding pics!

She could have it done on your wedding day but lots more hassle for the hairdresser, agree with the point about itchy bits and only if she's having her hair down. If the style is up, the hairdresses won't even wash it - does she appreciate this? However if she's having it up it won't matter what it looks like except any fringe or face framing bits - perhaps use this as a strategy instead!

I think you're a little unreasonable to be honest. Surely it's up to her how she styles her hair, and if she wants to cut it herself then really that is up to her

If you want it different to how she has it now, then I think you need to be willing to pay for it, and speak to her about it. She might be offended that you think her hair looks a mess

Erm, did you choose her because you want her to be your bridesmaid and be a special part of your wedding, or because you want her to look good in your photos??

To be honest, my answer to the original question would be yes, sorry! I'm pretty sure that noone would notice at all - they'll all be looking at you ?

And obviously they have to make sure they have toned arms and a BMI no higher than 22 right?

All those things you expect are choices, and up to the bridesmaid.Most people would want to look their best, but you chose her when she had straggly hair so shouldn't dictate she start your preferred beauty regime.

However, I'll agree that expecting the on-the-day hairdresser to cut it (at your expense) is cheeky, so you're within your rights to say that if she is choosing to have a professional haircut, she needs to do it beforehand, as there isn't time to do it on the day.

The things like waxing are things I would personally expect to do (I haven't expected my bridesmaids to do them), but I just think having your hair trimmed is a fairly basic thing to do. She's decided she wants her hair pretty much down (see picture) and if she wants that style then it looks terrible if it's not been cut. If she would be happy to have it up (which she isn't) then obviously we could hide the fact it's not been cut. I've been pretty liberal with most things (I've let them choose their dresses, hair styles, shoes, make up etc), in fact the only decisions I've made are who to have as bridesmaids and I've chosen the necklaces I'm giving them as gifts.

As it is, her hair looks a complete mess and when I've spent that much money on dress/shoes/hair etc I think it'll spoil it for her hair to then look a mess because it's not been cut.

As for money being tight (yes I'm being lazy and replying to someone elses comment in this), she always goes on about having no money and complains about having to pay for anything, yet she has enough money to go out almost every night and to get takeaway when at a party at my house (when I offered to cook).

Maybe I am being unfair and if I want her hair to look nice I should pay for it, but I just feel like I'm paying for a hell of a lot and for someone who three weeks ago begged for me to have her back as a bridesmaid (she dropped out in April), she's now being quite difficult.

It is very long hair but I actually think it looks quite nice especially the curled bits. Its got a nice shine to it. How much would you want her to have trimmed?

I love that it's long, it's just that at the front it comes down to about her elbows and at the back it's past her waist. TBH the picture doesn't really show it very well. All I've asked is that she has a trim so that it's not straggly at the ends and they're kinda the same length. I don't expect her to have it all cut to elbow length, but a hairdresser could neaten it up so it wasn't so obviously all different lengths (maybe feathering it? I don't know much about hair styles so there are probably better ways).

Sorry still think you're being a bridezilla - I think her hair looks nice

It's irrelevant how much you have spent - it is your day, and if you want people to be part of the ceremony then I would expect you to pay for the outfits, etc

If she likes her hair as it is, then that's tough on you

Ok....so you want it to be a bit tidier. Well you need to explain it to her. Tell her that it cant be done on the morning of the wedding because the hairdresser will be too busy and wont have time.

If I was really bothered I'd offer to pay for it to be done asap. Maybe you could go with her? Maybe she doesnt like hairdressers? I'm not too sure but you cant force her if she doesnt want to.

Also the photo's will be from the front, not the back

I don't really think that many people will be looking to see if her hair is the same length all around to be honest.

The photos will probably show her from the front anyway, where you say it's to her elbows, so that would be fine wouldn't it?

Got to say, if she had shorter hair that she cut herself into no particular style badly and hacked at it every few weeks to keep it short then maybe to have it tidied up would be a nice thing for her to consider (but not be forced to do)

However, her hair at that (AMAZING!) length, the 'straggly' bits are neither here nor there in my opinion! I think its being a little bit unreasonable tbh (and yes, a bit bridezilla'ish) to expect her to have the ends all the same length! I think for hair of that length it looks in amazing condition.

Its a bit superficial of you I think.

Is it all going to be curled on the day like the sections on the pic? If yes then I honestly think it will look lovely!

Maybe she could have some of the front taken up and pinned back?

I get what you're saying and you're probably right. If I was asked to be someone's bridesmaid I'd be honoured that they'd asked me and would do anything reasonable to make sure I looked my best for the day. I can't however expect people to feel the same way about my wedding.

I think a lot of the problem is that this bridesmaid has caused me no end of hassle to the point where she dropped out of being a bridesmaid in April. She called me three weeks ago and apologised for the way she's behaved and promised she'd make every effort to make it up to me and not cause me any more hassle. Now she's unavailable for dress fittings, complaining about having to go and actually buy the dress (I paid for it, but asked her to get it because I didn't have time with it all getting left so late) and generally making a huge fuss about everything. She doesn't want anything to do with any part of the wedding that doesn't directly involve her (like going to my final dress fitting to learn how to put me into the dress on the day). Now she's making a fuss over her hair and I'm kinda wondering why I'm having to jump through all these hoops for a girl who clearly has no intention of making any effort.

Maybe if she'd been a little more accomodating about other things (like finding a date between January and the end of April to look at dresses for her then not cancelling at the last minute), I'd be more liberal about this.

I think I've been trampled on a bit much by her and in return I'm turning into a bridezilla (it's not intentional).

This is turning into a bit of a rant - sorry!

As far as I know she just wants a few bits curled (like in the pic), not all of it. She's not happy with having any of it pinned back/up.

Yes you are being a bridezilla. Asking her to alter her chosen hairstyle because you don't like it is ridiculous and entirely self-absorbed. Yes it may be *your day* but it's her life and it isn't like asking her to wear a shade of lipstick that she can wash off the next day - she's stuck with your choice of haircut long after the wedding day. You knew her hairstyle when you chose her to be a bridesmaid. If her hair was such a major issue for you you shouldn't have asked her. It's a little like asking a Size 16 friend to be a bridesmaid and then later telling her that you want all your bridesmaids to be under size 12, because larger sizes look a mess, so could she go on a diet please.

On a slight tangent does she know that you've posted a photo of her hair on the internet saying that it looks a mess? Because unless she knows and is totally happy with it, then that is a really bitchy thing to do.

How can I out this without siunding harsh?

Yes, you are being a little unreasonable.Having had hair that length, and waiting till it grows bak to it, do you have any idea how long and how many hair grips it takes to put hair that length up.I had mine up for my wedding and while the hairstyle wasn't too involved we took nearly 3 hours to get mine up.Plus the amount of spray they used is probably responsable for the hole in the ozone layer.

She may not like hairdressers, and I know I won't go to one again due to a high street chain of hairdressers taking hair that was that length to just above my bra strap in what they called a trim,every one is different.

Just a last note - is the colour natural or does she dye it and how does she get that shine?

I think you're being a bit unreasonable to expect her to get it basically restyled (ie cut to same length) for your wedding. A trim to tidy it up is fair enough, and I agree it shouldn't be done morning of the wedding

Realistically no-one should be bothered about her hair...its you they'll be paying more attention to! Don' t worry about it!

emily, you decided to let her be a bridesmaid again so i think its a shame that you have a list of complaints about her now.

my sister is a hairdresser and has horrendous hair. its dyed platinum and has the texture of straw. It has no shape to it that can be seen and to me its gross. I asked her to be my bridesmaid because i really want her to have that role on my day.

she wears horrible makeup and has drawn on eyebrows (makes her sound gross but its just her thing)

Would you say i should buy her hair extensions, make her dye her hair to a boring colour and draw in proper eyebrows so that she "fits in" with me?

She thinks i'm a boring fart but she loves me and I love her.

You have chosen this girl and you should respect her a little bit more.

She is not an accessory, she is a human being..

I think her hair is beautiful to be honest and I think you are being very unreasonable.

This is my first reply to a post on hitched and I am sorry if I am going to pee anyone off but perlease...

it sounds to me like you want a pretty photoshoot and not an event where you friends and family come to together to surround you with support as you celebrate your marriage. If thats the case Olan Mills!

I think I am probably being very unfair after reading your comments. I asked the question because I didn't know if I was making a big deal out of nothing because of other issues I have with her (which it seems like I am), or if I was asking something completely reasonable. I'm really regretting agreeing to have her as a bridesmaid again because nothing has changed since last time but I feel like I can't really turn around three weeks before the wedding and tell her I've changed my mind. I was put on the spot a bit when she asked me if she could still be one (and made loads of promises about how she would change) and I think I only said yes because I wanted to believe that she was a true friend. I don't feel she has been at all supportive over the past year and I think I'm making issues about her hair and stuff because it's easier than making issues about whether or not she even cares about me as a friend.

Anyway, thanks for your honesty. I'm not offended at all because I think a lot of you are completely right.

Emily you have a pt

Edit your post and take the photo off please. Its not nice for your BM that a load of randoms are looking at it being told that her hair is not up to standard ( which I actually think is fab and wish I had hair like that).

I dont think us posters have been saying that her hair isnt up to standard. Everyone has said how nice and shiny it is.

Its only the OP that has put it down.

If I was the girl in the photo and read this thread I'd be chuffed that so many people liked it!

Exactly. How would you feel if your photo had been put on the internet without your permission and your friend was saying how awful and scraggly it looked? Not nice for the BM no matter how many internet randoms like it?

Just glad that you have seen the light EH.?