Am I asking too much?

Hi Rosie,

I think you are being completely reasonable. I have never had anyone pay for my accommodation when I have been to a wedding, I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and attended upwards of 20 weddings in the last 5 years, and have never expected. We are hosting some people the night before (family and 1 friend) who have a long distance to travel but we are not paying for anyone to stay the night of the wedding.

G x

Hi, Rosie!

I have always paid for my own room when I have been to weddings and never expected the bride and groom to foot the bill. Most had negotiated discounts with the hotel or block-booked a number of rooms for which each guest paid themselves.

Having said that, we are getting married next year in December and half of the wedding party are coming from abroad. They were surprised and my aunt apparently was even scandalised that i did not offer to pay for the hotel for my cousin and her husband to stay in AND the flights!! We are getting married in a stately home and nearest accomodation are the hotels in Leeds or Harrogate and the venue has given us a list of hotels they have negotiated discounts with; we'll put that in the invites.

In terms of other items, we are only paying for the suit hire for the best man and usher, the flowers for the bridesmaids and presents. The bridesmaids are even paying themselves for their dresses as they know we can't afford it...

I think your friend's reaction is surprising to say the least, especially as she only lives 20 mins away!

I think you're already going above and beyond by paying for their hotel rooms on the wedding night. I'm not paying for any accomodation for BM's or ushers but most of them live local so will just be getting a taxi home. One usher is coming from London and paying for his own hotel for the weekend. It never occurred to us or him that we might pay for it.

Most of our BM's and ushers have also offered to pay for their own outfits but they only worked out at around £65 each so probably less than they would have spent on a new dress or suit to go to a wedding anyway.

I think your friend is expecting a bit too much from you so don't let her put you on a guilt trip!

She isn't a friend if that is her reaction!

Good grief! It's 20mins its not like its a 2hr drive, i feel bad for you, she's being a bit of a drama queen.

I agree with the others its a bit much to expect after all its your day not hers!

xxx

Thanks very much for all the replies. I haven't been to that many weddings so it's hard to know what's expected!

My bridesmaid lived a 15 min drive from her house to the venue and I never once considered paying for a room for her to stay on the wedding night never mind before. Flipping heck bridesmaids get enough paid for them which means other than a present (if they so choose to get a present) they generally don't need to pay a button for the wedding. If she was a normal guest she would probably buy a new outfit, shoes, go to the hairdresser on the morning, possibly stay at the hotel if she chooses to and have travel to the wedding.

AHHHHHHHHH some bridesmaids don't deserve such an important part.

Sorry that was a rant.

Our daughter has guests travelling from London and staying at the venue (in Yorkshire) and they are more than happy to pay for their own rooms. Anyone who lives 20mins away can get a taxi easily enough or walk! As the others have said, not much a friend really if she expects you to pay!

Hello Rosie, and welcome to hitched.

To answer your question...

No! In a word.

1) I have never heard of anyone paying for hotel rooms for their wedding party at all, no matter the distance.

2) If she lives 20 mins away she doesn't need a room either night, so IMO you're being very generous paying for a room for one night.

If she is upset, and you haven't misread it, then she sounds an ungrateful moo.

And finally we're paying for BM's dresses and the LO's hair accessories (but that's cos I want something specific) and flowers - they are buying their own shoes. For BM/Ushers we're paying the suit hire, but again not shoes.

I'm Scottish getting married in Suffolk and all my friends and family travelling all that way are paying their own way. I wouldn't have dreamt paying accommodation for them. We did help find them the most reasonable places to stay and reserved rooms etc but they paid the full balance.

I think its fine.

My bridesmaids, best men etc are paying for there own, we live about a 10min drive from the hotel...but even if its was 10 hours from the hotel i'd still get them to pay for it themselves to be honest,

x

Not at all. I'm not paying for my bridesmaids accommodation or flights, they are treating it as a holiday for them. We couldn't ever afford to pay for everyone. We are buying their dresses, shoes, accessories and hair and make-up. On the day they won't pay for anything as food and drink will be covered by us.

If I was a bridesmaid I would be grateful by one night.

Not at all.

We are from the midlands and any family from there will be traveling all the way to the highlands for the wedding which is where we are living now. We are not paying for anyones accomodation.

The only thing we are paying for is for the Groom and Best Man to stay in hotel the night before, other than that people can stay where they please, I am not bothered so I wont be paying.

We're not staying in the venue the night before, but for the night of the wedding itself...we are not paying for anyone 2 stay!! If they wanna stay...they pay!!