Am I being a bridezilla???

Why why why do people think that because a groom has a sister the bride HAS to have her as a bridesmaid? I know you get on well with your FMIL but you need to put your foot down on that one. Seems to me like saying no to her being a bridesmaid will cause less fuss than actually having her as one. Besides she's faaaaar too busy planning her own wedding remember ?

I don't think your being a bridezilla at all, she sounds like a nightmare. It's your choice who you have as bridesmaids, stick to your guns, is FSIL having you as her bridesmaid? As for the venue I wouldn't worry too much just keep all the details of your wedding quiet so she can't copy you any further and just have the wedding that you and your other half both want.

Yay! Another 12th of Septemberer (us too!)

I don't think you're at all unreasonable to expect to have a choice who your own bridesmaids are. My OHs sister isn't a bridesmaid and it certainly isn't just "what happens". Personally, i'd put my foot down on that one if you didn't want her to begin with.

When it comes to everything else I can see why you're annoyed, but try to take a step back and look at the reality of the situation- you should probably just feel sorry for her. If she's so desperate to take the shine away from you and her own brother by acting like marriage and babies are one big competition or race as to who gets there first, then her own life must not be very happy. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let it get to you. And so what if people compare, your wedding is your wedding, which by rights means it'll be far more fabulous than anyone elses anyway ?

Thank you so much!!!

I have said from the start I didn't want her. H2B doesn't either, if it meant a lot to him that I have her, I would have, his exact words are 'It means a lot to me that you don't have her!!'

No, I haven't been asked to be BM, but I wouldn't be surprised if she asked thinking she'll be asked in return.

My sister has told me to stop being silly and make my wedding better then FSIL! I know it's petty! she is very much a spoilt brat and it's turning me into one too. I don't like it!! ha ha.

We are getting married because we love each other and want to be husband and wife for the rest of our days, she just wants a wedding!! there is a massive difference!!! she's not happy with him, she just needs to be with someone.

Thank you for your support girls!! :-) this was my first post and I was a bit nervous I was being silly!!!

Just wanted to add my support. Agree with everything everyone and you have said. Feel sorry for her, but then get on with enjoying your planning. I do think you'll need to grow a thick skin and learn the art of deflection as I get the impression your'e now going to get a lot of "my way's the better way" type behaviours from her. Just focus on your day - and use her's as an opportunity to see where things can be done differently to make yours even more special to you.

Keep details of your plans to yourself and if she or fmil ask be vague and misleading. E.g. what colour are your bridesmaids wearing? Answer - l haven't decided yet but possibly acid orange with green sashes or Bright pink with polka dots.

Jealousy is a dreadful thing and she sounds like she's eaten up with it. I'd actually go as far as I can in the opposite direction - tell her how thrilled you are that you will be sharing so much about your weddings! Get over-excited and ask her constant questions about her day but don't give her the chance to ask about yours. Find out all her details as soon as possible, then make sure your day is just how you want it, even if some details are the same.

It will always be your wedding and, lets face it, in years to come it will only be you and your OH who will look back on it - all your guests will have attended so many weddings that they will have blurred together. No-one will be worried about comparing notes between the two, they will probably just be busy celebrating with both couples.

I don't think you are being a bridezilla, but at the end of the day, it's the marriage that's important, not the details of how you get that way xxx

I really feel for you she sounds like a brat! After my OH proposed on 20/7/13 i got a phone call from my brother on 22/7/13 to say his girlfriend was jealous and wanted to get married asap. There have been times when ive felt a bit like the poor cousin but they are now married and shes such a nice girl it was hard to be mad. Ive no doubt people will make comparisons especially as we will have a lot of the same guests, I just have to remind myself Im marrying OH because I love him the details dont matter too much. What i would say is if you have any original/unique ideas be careful who you share them with, its frustrating when they get pinched.

It's your day, you can have who you want for your BM. It's not written in stone anywhere that your FSIL has to your BM.

keep your plans under your hat, that way she can't try and steal any of your ideas. I'm sure your day will be amazing x

Thank you.

At the weekend she was saying she can't afford to get married, now she's looking at a hotel for the reception. She just wants to get married before us. That's fine!!! I know how we want our day and it will be perfect for us !!

why do people have to be so nasty and jealous??? Grrrrr!!!

the worst bit now, is that I can't talk wedding at home because fmil will tell fsil!!! Great!!

Urgh, tried to reply but the stupid website keeps crashing! Basically, you couldn't be any less of a Bridezilla if you tried! FSIL is clearly very jealous. She sounds like a right pain the bum! Don't let her be your BM, she sounds like she will be as much use a chocolate teapot!

There is nothing wrong with feeling like people may compare, that is only, like you said, human nature, it's however you handle it that matters. Clearly your FSIL will see it as a competition, which is why I agree to keep as much under your hat as possible. You could even wind her up saying that you are going to have a frilly theme so that she tries to copy that but in a better way (when really you are having something completely different)!

The most guests are going to compare is probably the colour scheme aaaaaand... the food? At the end of the day your wedding will be full of you and your h2b's personalities and little quirks, and seeing you and your FSIL are very different, there will very little to compare.

Is her wedding before yours? May 2015? With her getting it out of the way first means that she won't be banging on at your wedding about how she will do things differently , in a way, it's a silver lining. Chin up!

Hi

Sounds to me that its your FSIL thats the Bridezilla not you...!!

I agree 100% with everything everyone has said on here...keep your ideas close to your chest and enjoy the planning and your big day.

I wouldn't worry, I'm not even having my own sisters as bridesmaids as they are a complete nightmare. It's your day.

Hi, I'm not having FSIL as a bridesmaid, it isn't the done thing and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it! Have who you want, they need to be supportive and helpful on the day and she doesn't sound like she will be that! Good luck x

You're definitely not a bridezilla! Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she has got one over on you, she had blatantly done this to get a reaction and cause a fuss. At the end of the day your wedding will be fabulous and you love your partner and she can never take this away from you. Chin up chick! xXx

Has anyone seen a show called him & her on bbc3? - sorry if this is offensive nearly30 but your FSIL reminds of the sister in that - only for your sake I hope she's not as vile! If you haven't seen it its a really good show. But no, as many as the the other lovely ladies on here have said your not being unreasonable. Xx

OMG yes. I had exactly the same thoughts. This girl is Laura through and through. Lol x

Oh god I am in a very similar situation. We booked our venue for next year so my sister rushes and books the registery office for 8 weeks time!

Why do people do it! I am so annoyed but am putting a smile on my face and trying not to show it.

like you we are getting married cause we love each other and want to spend our lives together not like those that are doing it for the formalities.

Hard though eh

As everyone has said she is a pain!

You don't need her/ should have her for a BM. The fact her wedding is before yours is a perfect excuse for her not to be a BM.

Hope your FMIL sees the light.....

Thank you for all your support!!! I am so glad you all agree with me and don't think I'm overreacting. FSIL hasn't spoken to me in over a week, so it's a bonus!!! ha ha.

I will look out for that BBC3 programme.

Hi there,

Can I go against the trend here, and call for a little 'understanding' ?

When people have been engaged for quite a while, like your FSIL, it can be a bit of a wake-up call when someone they know suddenly gets engaged and starts organising the wedding immediately. This may be a trigger for them to pull their finger out, and start making some plans, just because they realise that they have been a bit complacent since getting engaged, and are being overtaken by newer couples in the planning. It's therefore not that odd to see a longer-engaged couple suddenly book a date, thinking "why have we left it so long, we're useless!".

Of course, your FSIL might just be a cow, and has done it on purpose because she has 'issues', lol ? But one positive in her favour is that she booked it for May, leaving enough time for everyone to forget about her wedding, be bored of seeing her photos, and move on to the excitement of build up to your Sept wedding. She could well have been a cow and booked it for August, which would have been totally rude of her.

When it comes to bridesmaids - have who you want. There is no rule, and if you're not close to her (clearly you aren't!), then don't have her. It's your choice.

In order for you to keep your sanity over the next year, you need to realise that weddings are not normally highly 'original' in decor etc. Loads of people like vintage themes, and will have birdcages and suitcases everywhere. Loads of people like rustic / garden themes, and will have wood, mason jars and glowers everywhere. Loads of people will have personalised Loveheart sweets, blah blah blah. Just don't use something for your wedding and think "that's mine, she can't have that". Unless you came up with something that had never been done before, it's not 'yours'.... it's standard wedding fodder. I'd suggest that if you do come up with something entirely original, don't share it with anyone, including the FSIL.

Some people have advised you to mislead your FSIL on bridesmaid dresses / colours. I wouldn't do that. The only major problem with you both having weddings next year is if you accidentally choose the same dresses. Although how nice if you did that on purpose, and just recycled hers - think of the cost savings !! Anyway, you should maybe confer on BM dress colours, if nothing else. Whoever buys their BM dresses first, gets first option really. The remaining 'sister' needs to just rule out that colour, if you want your days to be different.

In summary, after this essay, for your own sanity, don't try to compete. Accept that there will be similarities between your days, and try to get excited together during the planning process, rather than battling against each other. You're going to be family for life.

x

Thank you so much ClaireDawnB.

I absolutely agree with you about the 'competing'. Luckily, we have very different tastes in everything so it won't be THAT similar anyway.

As for the being complacent about wedding planning, her OH had point blank told her he didn't want to get married, now it's all changed!! and she has told me on numerous occasions 'You're not getting married before me!' even though he had not intentions of marriage!!! it's a rather strange set up their relationship.

Thank you!!

Her partner sounds like more of a cow than her, tbh ! But, each to their own.

It could be that she is really really frustrated with his attitude, and gave him a bit of an ultimatum. ie. put up or shut up (or in this case, move forward in our relationship and get married, or call it a day as this in stupid).

I know a few marriages have happened that way, after the guy was dragging his heels. We'll see how they turn out over the next 20 years !

Obviously you're in a nicer position, with you and your groom both being excited about getting married. Treasure that. You may find that your FSIL turns to you a lot to share her excitement over her wedding plans, if her OH continues to show a lack of interest.

No, you don't sound bridezilla. I would be following the advice to do your own thing for your wedding and do what you and your OH want to do. If FSIL asks for specific information then l think it would be helpful to be a bit vague... You can pick who you like to be bridesmaid, there are no rules.