Am I being a grumpy moo / killjoy? Your opinion wanted (please!!!!)

Woooooohooooooohooooooohoooooo

that's my tack alarm. going off. at matching outfits, accessories and making someone wear a t-shirt of any kind on a night out.

(a) yes, tacky

(b) no.

YOu know your friend best, so if you think she'd hate it, step in now and let the other people know what she asked.

Hmm same colour isnt quite as tacky as same outfit. However why the hell do you need to be seen as a group? It is tacky, but if the bride wanted tacky it would be fine, she clearly doesnt so I would tell them her wishes.

Oh lordie, there are feather boas mentioned as well.

So what do I do - I've tried the subtle approach with the organisers. No joy. MrKJX thinks I should leave well alone.

For my SIL's hen night it was agreed that we would all wear black tops (I wore a black dress), that wasn't tacky at all! There was a t-shirt printed for her and also a belt which she wore, I think it said 'bride to be' or something, but wasn't too tasteless. Some tacky accessories did make an appearance later on in the night - a veil and I think possibly some L plates, but tbh by that point in the procedings she was more than up for it! We went to a spa, then out for a meal, then round some bars in York - its was a fun night and not hiddeously tacky.

Hen nights are meant to be fun and a bit of a giggle - I think some cheese is almost compulsory, maybe just keep it to a minimum!

If it was as subtle as all black, I think it would be fine. It's not.

Oh no! PINK? IMO, if they're not subtle in their hen night tastes, they won't be subtle in taking up hints that go against their wishes either! I'd be forthright, as it's the only chance you have to save your friend from HEN NIGHT HELL!!! If that doesn't work... Hmmm... I would actually tell your friend their plans. They may actually listen if the bride herself is a vocal objector!

?

I'd speak directly to the organisers and tell them that the bride has issued a no-tack decree, if that doesn't work I'd speak to the bride and tell her that she might want to mention her wishes to the organisers too!

And what is someone with only 66 posts doing talking so much sense eh? ?

Totally agree, I'd have a word with the B2B and ask her how best to approach the organiser.

Sounds incredibly tacky, why do you need to dress the same/same colour, to me that would be eeeewwwww

Are you all 18 or have no taste or something?

Have a chat with them for the brides sake!

I'd hate it and I'd want to know if people were planning something. I'm in the process of booking my hen do and have booked a very non hen do location to try and discourage any tackiness/matching outfits/printed t shirts etc etc and will gently spread the word that I really don't want anything like that. I'd just tell the rest of the group straight and if that doesn't work, tell the hen directly.

I like to see myself as a latter day Claire Rayner

I think the best way to handle this is to come up with an alternative, so rather than totally killing their idea say "I think this would be something she'd like...". Mine was themed "Cocktails and High Heels" so everyone was instructed to wear their most fabulous heels.

There were threats with mine of tacky banners etc and I wanted to keep it to a nice night out. In the end I decided to buy everyone these cute cat ears. They were subtle, non garish and most of all I could then tell everyone that's I'd arranged the "decor" for th night and they didn't need to bother. I think something like that is fine and I am a total control freak with these things and hate tack so i think you may need to come up with an idea and put that forward.

If someone had got me a t-shirt I would have caused a fuss and not worn it ?

I agree with Pooch, if they feel a theme or something is needed, then you need to counter their hideous ideas with something more tasteful/less garish. If they want to give her a shirt, it can be a gift at the end. I think one single item as a group thing is fine - so feather boas aren't the end of the world if it is JUST boas, but having to all dress similarly plus wear boas plus other things is vile.

L
xx

so, fat, overbearing, out of touch and dull? ? sorry ?

for the hens, all they need now are pink cowboy hats from claires accessories and the sophistication will be complete.

I asked for no tackiness at mine and had a theme i na bid to avoid it and everything. I think I was the only to stick to the theme (sort of). I also ended up in a pink karoke limo and walked to it through and packed hotel lobby with all my hen friends singing going to the chapel ?

Having said that I quite enjoyed the whole thing ?

You know your friend best though. If she is very seriously not wanting tack I'd explain this in no uncertain terms to those organising it if a more subtle approach hasn't worked. If they still weren't listening I would tell the bride or ask first what she would deem as unacceptable tack.

I agree.

On my hen I issued a no tack statement but no-one listened. They dressed me up at the airport and I had to stay like that during the day but we all got changed in to party outfits to go out in so it wasn't too horrendous. They did the veil and L plates on the second night but I only had to wear them while we were in the restaurat. Once we left I took it all off (I think more so that my mates weren't seen walking around with a loser). My BM also made ties for us all to wear so it was just one, fairly stuble item. So although there was some tack, it was manageable.

Tackiness aside, I spent a lot of time and effort choosing my outfit for my hen so I looked ultra glam, I'd have been mightily pissed off to have to cover my outfit with a hideous cheap t-shirt.

I think I would tell them straight that the Hen has asked for absolutely no tack, if they don't listen after that speak to the Hen herself and see how she wants to handle it.

I organised my own hen night so I avoided exactly this kind of situation, I didn't mind having the veil and tiara, but that was it.

I would recommend you say to The Bride's friends that she has requested no tack. there's seriously no point in being subtle about this - if she won't enjoy the tack, then it needs to be said.

i issued a "no tack" order for my hen night. my sister got VERY upset about this as she thought that i was dictating to her how she could organise my hen. well, i was. i couldn't imagine anything worse than being decorated with L plates and willy signs.

as it was, she got me in the coffee shop right at the start of the day she had planned. she made me wear a tiara, badge, and L plate. i know, i know, it was only for 2 minutes max and 1 photo but i was pretty annoyed with her. by the time it came round to the hen (and after all the histrionics she had about my "demands" - i wanted a meal in a restaurant and drinks in a nice bar afterwards. how demanding ?) i couldn't give a wotsit what happened as long as there was no hen tack. but still she did it.

yes, i was probably unreasonable for not wearing the stuff for longer but it was the one and only day i could say "my day, my way" seeing as my mum had claimed the wedding day as her own. sigh.

anyway, just realised that this thread isn't about me, but your friend ?. but i really, truly would stop being subtle and start being strict with them. tell them that she has specifically requested no tack, no matching outfits and is worried about it. they might hate you, but your friend won't.

On my local hen night it was harder for my friend to control the tack and someone did try to issue me with L signs, willy earrings and willy straws. I just refused very firmly but without offence, I didn't blame the friends who were organising it and my refusal didn't ruin the atmosphere either (well I had a great time anyway!). There's just always going to be someone who declares such stuff 'a bit of a giggle' and goes ahead regardless. Stop them in their tracks now if you can, but if you can't then just discretely warn her.

I think wearing the same colour and matching outfits are two different things, and a lot would depend on what the colour was. If she's asked you all to wear a black top then I wouldn't be worried about tackiness, if you've all been told to wear a specific bright pink dress then tackiness alarm is warranted.

Accessories for me is definite tackiness - I'd probably say to the organiser that you know the bride doesn't want to stand out as being on a hen do incase it attracts trouble so you don't think accessories are a good idea.

Jelly baby is right. I saw a group of women in Oxford a couple of years ago going for sunday lunch, they were all wearing pink tops and looked fab. They were having a brilliant time without looking like hen party hell. If they're committed to going for the 'group look' then all wearing the same colour is probably the best you can hope for.