Am I being overprotective? About a Wedding but not my Wedding!

I agree with your husband. I wouldnt even consider leaving my son with a stranger even if they were qualified!

If they didnt want children at the reception maybe they should have told you that before you booked to go. I think it would have changed my mind on whether or not we would have gone at all!

Personally, I don't understand the whole 'no children' thing....to me a wedding is a huge family celebration & children are part of families. However, that aside, I agree with your HTB saying that you all leave together. My neice got married last year & didnt allow children (even my 14 year old son wasnt allowed as he was classed as a child)...i therefore didnt go at all. In a nutshell, no you're not being silly or unreasonable, at all! However, enjoy Australia!

It may not be possible to make an exception - some venues don't allow children. It doesn't really sound like that though....if she says "not welcome", that suggests "we don't want them there".

However, to inform ANY guest of this two weeks beforehand, let alone when they are travelling halfway around the world to get there, is just utterly unbelievable.

I don't think the principle of a babysitter is a bad one, but I'd want a professional (vetted, criminal record checked, reputable agency) in that case, not just the bride's mate, even if she IS a nursery nurse.

We had a "no children" rule, with one exception for a breast-fed baby. Had my Australian cousins decided to come to our wedding, their 10- and 13-year old children would have been included as a second exception.

My inner child would kick in here, I'm afraid. I'd wait until I was sure her table plans were printed, her place cards lovingly produced and her menu being prepared, then tell them that I wouldn't be there for dinner.....

I don't think people always have the no children rule because they don't want them there, in our case it would be impractical inviting everyone's children, most of whom we don't really know, it would double the guest list, cost a lot more and mean we'd need a bigger venue.

To the op, I can understand why you wouldn't want to leave them, are they charging you for this as well?

Considering how far you are travelling, and the expenses that must have been involved, you are not being unreasonable at all. They should have informed you earlier about the no children reception, and I'd be inclined to agree with your H2B - attend the wedding, but leave at the same time as the children, as the alternative is to leave them with a stranger, in an unfamiliar apartment. Just make sure you thank the happy couple for being considerate enough to have arranged a babysitter.

Absolutely you're not unreasonable at all. I'm also having a no children wedding but this situation is different, it must be costing you a fortune to fly to Australia! They should have been upfront before everyone booked their flights, that way you would have had the choice to not go at all.

Not ALL families. A polite note that such assertions generally aren't well-received by those who couldn't invite children because, well, there aren't children, sometimes for very heartbreaking reasons....

I think you are totally in your right to be annoyed/ put out given the circumstances! We had a no children policy at our wedding but it was on the invites from the get go, and I have to say if someone was travlling half way around the world to be there i would either make the exception or have told them before they booked to come across - that is crazy to tell you about it now!

As for the issue/ feelings on wedding being a family affair including children etc. I agree with what has been said above, that is just your opionion, our wedding had very few family members from either side, our numbers were mainly made up of very good friends and we chose not to have children, becaue of the type of venue, number restrictions, cost etc but the overall main reason was we just didn't want children there.

Agree with everything Footlong has said above. I can't believe anyone would do this two weeks before when you're travelling to the other side of the world!

Only our parent babysit our son... No one else (except the teachers at school because we have to send him)

I would not leave my son with someone who im not personally sure would run back into a burning building for him (my sons school actually caught fire recently and the 6 adjoining buildings had to be demolished and they got all children out before the actual fire alarm even went off so I trust them a little more now)

I think you are right to feel the way you do - whether you agree with a no children rule or not, if you have made the effort to come halfway around the world to celebrate their wedding, they should have been clear from the start as to what the situation was so that you could have made your choices.

Is there any compromise that can be made to salvage the situation though, now that this has been forced upon you with such little notice? For example could the babysitter remain on the premises in a different room whilst you have the meal, so that you could check on them regularly?

DO IT!!

Like everyone else said I think your well within your right to feel cross

I absolutely understand the no children thing - as a large majority of our wedding guests will be between the ages of 25-40, and we don't have any young family members (no children/nieces/nephews) - our wedding party is going to be a PARTY, and I don't want to see little kids running around it! It's not going to be an appropriate environment for little ones. Weddings shouldn't have to be big family events, weddings are about two people, and the wedding should reflect them, and the people around them, and the kind of fun they like to have.

I have one or two friends with littl'uns, and they are flying over for a day or two for the wedding and leaving the littl'uns with g'parents.

If I did have young members of my family, it might be different - but I don't, so i shouldn't have to adapt my wedding to fit other peoples kids.

HOWEVER ... to spring this rule upon people who are flying around the world for the wedding with two weeks notice is NOT FAIR, and you're absolutely right to be upset.. At least I've been completely honest about my rule from day one.

Do you think they waited until 2 weeks before telling people this, to ensure nobody pulled out???

I'd do what Footers said.

Ah, this is going to sound really cheesy and it's not directed at you specifically...but I can't imagine ever NOT rescuing a child from a burning building.

U

Oh possible explains the 'oh! But theres a babysitter too!' Line

I think they've got a bloody cheek to be honest. You're flying half way across the world and now they tell you this? I'd be having words if it were me.

We had a child free wedding apart from one six week old as we wanted our friends to come. There's nothing wrong with child free weddings, I'm quite capable of going to a wedding without my son and to be honest at 23 months old he would have a much more fun day with his grandparents. I wouldn't fly to Oz without him or leave him with someone I didn't know! I like the plan of ruining their table plan.

when I was little me an my mam where at my aunty's and the house across the road went up (chip pan fire) and my mam ran in to grab the little boy (who was left in the living room) while the mother just stood outside waiting for the fire brigade, she didnt even attempt to go get her OWN child out of her burning house (even though she walked past the room he was in on the way out)

unfortunately some people really dont care that much ☹️

I'm not going to get into the children invited/not invited thing but in this case it's absolutely ridiculous! You are spending a fortune to attend and then they say that the kids have to go home early?! No chance! I don't think I'd be happy about the babysitter situation at all regardless of who it was unless they were at the venue but in a different room iyswim

Is there anyone else you know who is going who have children too? What do they say about it?

In all honesty I'm more in the 'don't rock the boat' category normally but I think someone needs to have a word with them.

I think that's completely ludicrous - you've paid no doubt a stupid amount of money to fly your whole family to Australia and now your children aren't welcome?! You are not being unreasonable AT ALL!

They should have told you it was a no-child wedding before you booked IMHO, telling you 2 weeks before is totally out of order!

Me personally I would call and highlight the issue here and ask if there is any chance, due to the time-scales involved, that your children can attend? If the answer is a resounding no then politely inform them that you don't feel comfortable leaving the children in a strange country alone with a stranger and therefore you'll be regrettably leaving with them at 5.30 and you're sorry if this upsets them, but the welfare and well-being of your children must come first.

Anyone, even childless, would understand that....

Did not just search Hitched Australia for petulant brides moaning about overseas guests wanting to bring their children.

Wasn't me.

Uhhh ohhhh the children at weddings debate again!!!

im having a 'no children/babies' wedding bar the children of immediate family members so about 9 in total!

Included in this number are the two young children of a cousin who is flying over from New York to attend!! I would never have told her they were not welcome!

I agree with others mess up the table plan and don't go! Australia is a long way to travel for wedding to be told your children gave to be left with an unknown babysitter!

they should have been honest from the start!

I'm having a child free wedding, mainly because we have a small intimate venue and wanted to keep the numbers low. However if a guest of mine was travelling a fair distance to my wedding, even from somewhere in the Uk - I would not expect them to leave their child in a strange environment with a complete stranger.

you should say something, and if they don't budge - then do as your OH has said and leave at the same time. It seems such a shame to go all that distance just for a ceremony but it's also a shame to invite a family to your overseas wedding and not let them enjoy it as a family.

also..to whoever said let the bride print her pretty little seating plan and name lace cards etc, THAT IS SO ME! I would do that evil...yes. Satisfying?...oh yes

If they want it to be child free fair enough but they should have made that clear when you were initially invited so you had all of the information before deciding to spend (I imagine) thousands of pounds on attending their wedding.

This smacks of them being deliberately underhand and waiting to tell you this now.

I would wait til the wedding day and say your goodbyes before the meal, and just enjoy your holiday, with the wedding only being a minor detail.

Phew! I was pleased to read all of your posts just now to confirm I'm not being a cow over this!

Whoever asked, yes they are expecting us to pay for the babysitter...Ok our kids BUT we've paid £4k just to get to Aus let alone accommodation, spending money etc!

I'm just sad as I thought she was a close friend and she makes out she adores the children? They aren't bad kids either and wouldn't be running riot that's for sure.

Oh well, as some of you have said, we'll attend the ceremony then leave and get on with our holiday. Stuff them if they get the hump!

Thanks again! x

I'm actually in shock after reading this ! I'd also like to point out what makes her think your children will settle with a complete stranger in a completely different country with a totally different time zone!

its more the fact she knows you can't not come with flights etc ( and wow you've committed financially here ) and she's telling you 2 weeks before ! 2weeks ?!!?!

So rare to have such a consensus when the words *kids* and *weddings* are mentioned in the same sentence.

I think you are totally justified in being very annoyed. I had a no kids wedding but we made the exception for H's friends coming from France for a week.

I would agree with your H. I'd say you are very surprised they are only making this clear now, giveh the huge time and financial commitment you have made to get to their wedding and I would leave with the kids.... or be tempted not to go at all!

I think I'd be flying out to Australia and enjoying my holiday without even bothering to attend the ceremony. Two weeks before is short notice for people travelling a few miles never mind to the other side of the world. I certainly wouldn't leave my children with someone I'd never met, especially not in a strange country.

I agree with what others have said, this information has been deliberately withheld so you wouldn't say no. To expect you to pay for the babysitter just adds insult to injury.

This! Or I would just roll up kids in tow and act ignorant and say "ohh I didn't think you meant us as you obviously know we have travelled half way across the world and wouldn't leave our children with a total stranger in a foriegn country!"

Two comments I am that angry on your behalf! I think it's disgusting to tell you 2 weeks before when they know there is nothing you can do to get money back on flights ect. And to expect you to pay £15 an hour for her "friend" to babysit is a bloody cheek.

I honestly can't believe that they wouldn't mention no kids on the invites and totally leave it until two weeks before. Have they said anything since your H2B said you would leave when the children have to go? Perhaps they thought you would have more fun/let your hair down on your own so thought they were doing you a favour?

Then again, perhaps they are just weirdos because this is the most bizzare thing I've ever heard. If people dont' wnat children there they usually go to great lengths to stress that at the invite stage!