am I being oversensitive or am I being fed bullsh*t?

Well, I would be quite upset too I think. Maybe you should mail them back and explain what has made you upset, and how you've interpreted their actions.

(Still I'm probably not the best person to give advice as I am horribly stressed at the moment and probably a bit sensitive myself! ?)

I've had to wait until 3am to find out what i am doing before which was bad enough. If they had told me they were ill and then gone out and bragged about it on FB I would have shaken my head and made a mental note to leave it to them to organise something next time and would be dubious as to whether they would attend.

They're being sniffy because they've been caught out in a lie.

Are they a good friend? I might let it go if they are, but still let them know in a jokey way that I know they're bullshitting and my day had been wasted. If it's someone I'm not that bothered about I'd leave them be until I'd stopped stewing about it.

You're not wrong to be screwing though, I would be too.

Exactly WSS. How rude, I'd be fuming. "Local field" indeed ?

It's someone I haven't known that long. I've been to see them quite a few times, and this was going to be the first time they'd come to see me. As I don't have a huge history with this friend to fall back on, I can't say whether this is unusual behaviour for them, or they're just a lazy f*cker who can't be bothered to put themselves out.

I'd like to write an email a la Winkle to say why their behaviour has upset me, but I don't feel I can phrase it properly and will probably come out like the rantings of a madwoman ?. Perhaps it's better to do as HH says and just leave them alone until I feel I'm over it or can talk about it calmly with them. SO p*ssed off though ?

Sorry, FW, I could have this totally wrong, but I think you're singe atm? Is the friend a potential love interest? If so, I'd be emailing to say you don't appreciate being messed around and you won't be contacting them again.

I am single at the moment, but in this instance no, it's just a friend. Or ex-friend, possibly, soon ?

That is crap behaviour on their part. I think you should semi cull until they can make an effective attempt to maintain the friendship.

I had a mate of many years who was facebook caught out in full bullshit mode. She was supposed to be visiting me from abroad and basically didn't show up but sent some bull about a family drama ... and then posted status updates and pics of a last min ski trip on fb. lol. I did phrase an email quite succintly telling her where she could shove her skis. I feel 9 stone lighter for the end of that friendship. (she did apologise, but can still feck off)

Ah, okay. It's tricky - I think we've all had to think of excuses for blowing out our mates because we just haven't felt like making the effort at some point. But s/he has done it in such a clunky way, it could almost be calculated to hurt/offend you.

Bloody hell, Hubble, that's stupendous fibbing of the first order. I don't know if I'd want to be mates with someone that dim ?. Which, of course, brings me neatly back to the matter in hand.

Sophie, I know, we've all done it and sometimes it's easier to make an excuse rather than go through the real reason for it (which inevitably boils down to 'I don't want to'). I feel like with this friend, I've always done all the running in organising things (and actually, thinking about it, this isn't the first time they've let me down - instances such as saying to me, 'which day are you free to go out for dinner?', and then just not bothering to get back to me when I suggested a selection of days.) I feel like a nagging wife and I hate myself for feeling that way, and actually be bothering with someone who perhaps isn't that fussed about the friendship to put a little work into it. I am a pretty sensitive kind of person who takes these things very personally, which is why I feel so upset and sick about it when it perhaps wouldn't be that much of a deal to someone else.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's opinions and thoughts. I think I need to not do anything immediately because my first, irrational reaction is to tell them I don't appreciate being fed bullshit, block them on FB and delete their phone number - all of which I may well come to regret ?.

Oh I definitely hear you on this one. I think it sounds as though she just couldn't be bothered to make the effort, and yes we've all done it and sometimes a little white lie can save someone's feelings, nobody wants to feel as though they're just not important enough a friend for someone to make a little effort for. But getting caught out kinda makes me wonder, is she just a) immensely thick or b) not that bothered about your friendship in the first place, not even enough to try and save your feelings. Either way, I'd be on the semi-culling bench especially as this isn't a first offence. I guess it depends how much you want to see them in the future, are they worth doing all the running round for.

I recently had something similar which gave me the rage, a friend (ex colleague) from a neighbouring town (Newbury) moved to our town when she divorced, I arranged to meet locally for a coffee, she cancelled the day before we were due to meet citing being too busy, then asked me if I ever got over to her previous town and could we meet there (as she's busy ferrying kids to things over there) I don't really go there that often but had a birthday celebration with other friends in Newbury coming up... she couldn't make it, but suggested we go for supper in another nearby town (Reading) the following week, which sounded nice to me... until she asked where we'd be meeting, as she was dropping her child off at an event (hence being in Reading) now I don't have a car all the time at the moment so I asked if she could pick me up on the way, apparently not and a train was suggested!

So although we live in the same town, she's too busy to meet me here for a coffee, but apparently other than that I'm only a good enough friend to kill time with if I schlep all the way to another town when she's waiting for her kids to do finish whatever activity they are doing! (I have pretty much culled, I have to say, I haven't heard from her since although she has since had a good old moan to a mutual friend about my inflexibility)

I think you've every right to be miffed. If she couldn't be bothered to come and see you, there are more tactful ways she could have done so. It sounds as is she might juts be flakey, given your previous experience of doing all the running etc. I'd just leave her to stew now, you've made your poiont and if she's got any good in her will now be feeling guilt at being so blatantly taking the pi££. See if she bothers to get in touch wih you again and take it from there .But I would def file her under 'dodgy friend' in yuor address book!