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I
Beginner March 2013

Am I being pathetic????

icklelea, 23 June, 2012 at 10:57 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 19

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19 replies

Latest activity by icklelea, 7 July, 2012 at 15:46
  • Nutella
    Beginner March 2013
    Nutella ·
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    To be honest it sounds like whether you sew the button or not he's decided what he's doing so you may as well just sew it!

    Sorry to hear about your Granny though.

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  • ~Peanut~
    Beginner December 2012
    ~Peanut~ ·
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    I think its about more than the button. Agreeing to just not discuss it is obviously not working when you're still feeling so hurt. I think you need to sit him down and tell him what a hard time you're having right now and that you really need his support.

    My condolences as well, what an awful thing to be going through.

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • Vee Tee
    Beginner April 2012
    Vee Tee ·
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    I'm very sorry Ickle, thats bad crack, I can't imagine H ever doing what yours is. I would be broken too (and I'd probably refuse to sew the button on too!) Peanut is right though, you definately need to talk it over and make him see why you would want/expect him there and then once all thats sorted you will get over 'not wanting him there'

    Is it because she took her own life that he thinks he needn't go? Maybe he needs to understand that that fact quite probably makes you need him more.

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • BowlingBride
    Beginner September 2012
    BowlingBride ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss Icklelea, i think your H is out of order in the way he is treating you. It's irrelevant what he feels about the manner of her death or lack of understanding for his reasons, his role is to support you. I think you need to talk and tell him how his actions are hurting you and that you need his support at this time.

    I was unable to attend my H's Grans funeral, it was midweek and 4 hours away, due to work commitments i couldn't go. We did discuss it and he was fine going by himself if he hadn't been i would have thrown a sickie etc to make sure i could be there for him. He possibly doesn't realise how much you need him emotionally as men don't always think that way (i know thats a generalisation). The worst thing you can do is not talk about it otherwise it will just cause resentment.

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • Aurora Borealis
    Beginner June 2013
    Aurora Borealis ·
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    Glad it's all sorted ? And he learned a new skill!

    I've just asked OH if he would abandon his plans to come to my Grandma's funeral if the situation arose. He said it depends what he had planned!

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • Aurora Borealis
    Beginner June 2013
    Aurora Borealis ·
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    I think it must be a man thing!

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  • Nutella
    Beginner March 2013
    Nutella ·
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    Haha I laughed at him stabbing himself!! ?

    Just to give an opposite view of it, Aurora asking her OH what he would do has reminded me I was in a similar situation last year.

    OH's uncle & godfather died after a very short and painful battle with cancer (about 4 weeks after diagnosis, was all v sad). Funeral was then set for the same day as my friend's wedding.... Cue lots of torn-ness. I'd only met the uncle once or twice but OH is very close and was asked to be a pallbearer. The thought of not being at my friends wedding was awful but part of being in a relationship is to support each other so I left it up to him to decide, we had a rather tearful conversation about it where he admitted just how much he needed me to be there and in that moment I knew what I had to do.

    The phone call to my friend was awful but I know I did the right thing. Welling up now just thinking about it!

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • Kriek
    Beginner December 2012
    Kriek ·
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    Ickle I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss.

    My OH's stepdad killed himself a few years ago so I understand how hard it can be when there is a very long wait between a person's death and the funeral. It's an impossible situation to deal with in a "normal" manner.

    Personally I think it's a partner's job to support each other and put that person first before anyone else in their life so I would have been really hurt if my OH behaved that way. I never met my OH's stepdad as they hadn't spoken in years but I didn't think twice about offering to go to the funeral even though it was a 6 hour drive. In the end we didn't go but that was entirely OH's decision and I would have supported him no matter what.

    If you want him there then you have to tell him straight. Friends can be great at supporting each other but your partner is the one who will always be there, especially if you get upset in the middle of the night and need to talk. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit "preachy" but I know what it is like to deal with someone who pretends they are ok with a situation but deep down they are heartbroken.

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  • Pompey
    Beginner June 2012
    Pompey ·
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    My OH said he would come no matter what because he wouldn't want the beating from my Mum!

    Sorry to hear about your Gran though Ickle.

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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  • *gnashers*
    Beginner October 2013
    *gnashers* ·
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    Glad it all worked out ok for you Ickle - it sounds like the day went well for you (as nice as these things can).

    Just read through this thread and you've set ME off Nuts!

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  • Figs
    Beginner June 2012
    Figs ·
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    Far from thinking you were being pathetic about the button, I actually think that your OH is very lucky that you are so reasonable. If it had been me I would have cut off the remaining buttons and thrown them in the bin and then broken the fly on the trousers...

    So sorry for your loss and glad that you have sorted things with your OH now x

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  • Nutella
    Beginner March 2013
    Nutella ·
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    Glad things worked out for you in the end x

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  • I
    Beginner March 2013
    icklelea ·
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