am i being selfish?

Nope you're not being selfish at all. People will have certain expectations when the word 'wedding' is mentioned, I had someone ask if their daughter could be bridesmaid that I barely know! Tell them you want a small intimate day with close family, you are not having bridesmaids. You are compromising by having a big reception close to home that everyone can be part of.

What you've described is the exact wedding I'm having, in January - except we only have 14 guests. We originally intended to have no guests at all, but after some consideration we decided to invite parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. We live in Manchester, so it isn't quite as far for people to travel - but still a fair distance. I'll be honest and say that we didn't think about what people thought about not having a reception on the day - we just figured that they'll accept it, and they have. But the issue about bridesmaids is not one I had - neither H2B nor I have sisters, and my niece is 8 months old so she isn't of an age to be one.

Nah go for it, at the end of the day it's about you and OH making a commitment to each other, do it how you want, family should be supportive.

Thanks for the quick reply's.

as it's still really early days, i was just stressing i'm going down the wrong path and building up the wedding i want then have to changed it to be a people pleaser.

i will just have to get thick skin. because i know there be tantrums but hopefully those who care about us will understand.

The other option would be to elope and marry then come back and tell people. Might be less stress in the longer run!

Have you considered a small wedding as part of a holiday? I photographed a wedding in York on Christmas eve. It was just the couple with me as a witness/photographer. Their family thought they were just coming to Yorkshire for a holiday! They did not tell anyone until I had a few preview photos ready at about 6pm Christmas Eve.

We're getting married on a Thursday with just our parents and H2B's kids.

The only person to have a problem with it is my sister (I am the youngest of 6), who keeps trying to get herself involved somehow (her granddaughter should be bridesmaid, H2B's teenage son will be bored so her teenage son should go to keep him company, she's the only sister on either side so she should be invited, I should spend the night before at her house, etc).

That's what we wanted - married at Gretna (also travelling from SE), straight off on honeymoon, big party when we got back. Started with no guests at all, built to parents/siblings, built again to parents/siblings/grandparents. Then so many people told us they weren't happy with it and we caved in and had the 'big' wedding at home - 100 guests etc. Lovely day, don't get me wrong, but just not how I imagined it. Stick to your guns!

Since your not engaged offcially yet... As someone that wants to get married abroad but has given into family pressure to have the wedding in the UK... Book it first and then your family about your engagement then people have to lump it rather than attempting to talk you out of it.

Oops meant to say... Then tell your family friends etc.

Keep your dream. Compromise yes but not at the cost of your dream. People that matter will just be happy for you. Those that mind don't matter as the saying goes. X

We're having 23 guests - and getting married in Northumberland...about 300+ miles away for all our guests and us as we're in the south east too. It's what we want and we wouldn't have had anyone else tell us differently.

My best friend is getting married this year - she didn't want people sticking their oars in and making her have things she didn't want so she waited until the venue was booked before announcing it to anyone - including parents - I suggest doing the same thing. People have to like it or lump it that way. It's your day, not theirs.

We were in the lucky position you are now - and had heart-to-hearts about what we really wanted (to elope) before he proposed. So that's what were doing!

We decided not to tell anyone about our engagement, so we haven't had any pressure from anyone to do it differently. I know that some or our family will feel sad or disappointed that we did it without them present. However, it is the 2 of us that are getting married and we are not doing it for anyone else, so although I worry sometimes about reactions when we tell people, I don't feel that we're being selfish (or at least if we are - it feels justified!) And we are doing a party later too.

I would say go for it - everyone's dream wedding is different and you should have the courage to say actually this is what we want - and don't feel the pressure to cave into what others want for you (...or just keep it all a massive secret like us!!)

Good luck!

I think this is really good advice! Would have saved us a lot of 'helpful advice' from family is we had just booked them wedding before being officially engaged!

Thanks for all the replys, eloping isn't an option as it would break my mums heart and I'm very close to my mum. But the small wedding will suits us,

just be a bit hard to explain to the uncles, aunts, cousins and friends there not invited to the big day but are welcome to celebrate are marriage the week after, as we're plan to hold a big reception for them all, just wanted to make sure I'm not being too mean with my plans, as it is for my OH family the first marriage out of the cousins.

But you all put my mind at ease that its a day to be selfish, after all I only be doing it once (hopefully) ?

Nope, not selfish at all! It's your day, no one else's. In a way I wish we were doing something like that because despite how laid back H2B and I are about everything, we're still finding ourselves in stressful situations. Enjoy!

I'm doing the same thing as you, a small wedding with literally the closest people to us attending. My OH is Polish and we're marrying in the UK. We also both very audience shy and not the sort of people who like being the centre of attention! I'm quite fortunate in that my extended family are aware of this but I will be addressing the situation by writing to them to explain exactly what and why we are doing what we are doing. That way, everyone gets the same story and will (hopefully!) understand.

At the end of the day, it is completely your choice, I guess it just depends on how strong you are to resisting family and friends pressuring you to do things you don't want to! I may be shy but I'm as stubborn as a donkey!

Good luck! xx