Am I being silly? - guest related.....

I don't think it's either silly or paranoid,exactly but I think the friend in question is in a very difficult situation and she seems to have handled it very well tbh.

I wouldn't say she obviously doesn't like you, but she has had to cut ties with one friend to retain your husband's friendship, that must have hurt, I can understand her being afraid to do the same thing twice.

I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable about her being at the wedding, but if you uninvite her are you going to cause more problems for yourself? At the end of the day, what harm can she cause by just being there?

What does your H2B think about it?

He hasn't really said anything but then i haven't told him i am uneasy about it.

As for what harm can she cause i don't know......

The problems with the ex and access to the children came after we got engaged. We haven't told the ex we are getting married personally. It seems too much of a coincidence. The ex is totally mad

I don't think you are being silly or paranoid but it is an awkward situation for all of you.

I'd leave things as they are with h2b's friend and except her loyalties lie with his ex as she has known her for years. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but it would be very difficult for her to be friends with all 3 of you. It would be much more complicated if you were to be friends with her as whenever she saw the ex she'd probably try and get info from her about what you've said etc and it could get very messy.

Would you want her at your wedding???

There's a couple coming to our wedding that were friends with H2B when he was with his ex. I know they still see her as they mentioned her last time I saw them. It doesn't bother me, but then I get on with them OK (rarely see them as they live the other end of the country) and I've got over my hang-ups relating to his ex.

One big difference is there's no kids between them so no contact between H2B and his ex so she doesn't feature in our lives.

I think now you've invited this friend it would make a real statement to uninvite her, I'd just leave things as they are, but I'm not you so maybe have a chat with h2b about it.

My main concern is the fact she has lying. When i first met her, she said she had a huge row with his ex about her affair and treatment of h2b and hadn't spoken since until the ex turned up out of the blue moaning about h2b taking her to court.

Unfortunately she let a few things slip which make it obvious that she has been in regular contact with the ex.

Like i said since we got engaged h2b hasn't seen his kids - coincidence??? or did someone tell his ex we are getting married??

I don't think i would trust her with details about the wedding. So far all she knows is the date. Of course that will change once the invites go out.....

i wouldnt say she is lying? maybe avoiding saying something she knows may upset you?

I cant see what the problem is,will here being there affect anything at all. Surley the ex knows by now that you are getting married. Maybe she did not want to mention that she had seen the ex more than once because it is awkward. It must be difficult to stay friends with both sides and try to appear that you are not favoring one side over the other. Just invite her and stop tying yourself in knots about it.

My H2B's sister is best mates with his ex (who he was with for eight years and gave the elbow just a few weeks before meeting me) and the best man is mates with her too, as are most of the wedding guests. There are so many ties between his family and hers that you wouldn't believe how complicated it has all been.

I have accepted that I must just live with her presence in my life. I can't expect H2B's sister just to dump her mate because of me, and I wouldn't want her to. I don't particularly enjoy hearing about his ex, but that's life and I've just learned to suck it up.

If your boyfriend's friend wants to be mates with his ex, then that's really her business and maybe she just wants to be there to support both her friends through what is obviously a difficult time for all concerned.

If I were you I'd keep quiet and learn to live with it.

Oh I thought the invites had gone out already, if not then that makes a huuuuge difference. I'd discuss with h2b first but as long as he agrees then don't invite her.

It does seem that everyone thinks i'm being silly so guess will have to live with it.

If its ex was a normal person then it wouldn't be an issue but she has already stopped him seeing the children because of the engagement. I dread to think what she would do if she knew the wedding details - but maybe thats just paranoia again....

As for this friend i wouldn't have expected her to drop his ex as a friend but we were under the impression they had already fallen out and were no longer in contact. If that wasn't the case she should have been honest to h2b..... it certainly seems like there has been stirring....

To be honest i don't particularly want guests that aren't genuinely happy for us and that i don't trust......but maybe thats just me being unrealistic.....

I agree with claires on this one. IMO she hasn't lied.

I would say she's probably stuck between wanting to be friends with both your H2B and his ex, and feels a bit uncomfortable about the issues they are having.

She's not been an unloyal friend to your H2B in my opinion, and it doesn't sound there is any reason for you to think she's going to cause problems. It sounds like she is just trying not to get stuck in the middle of whatever is going on.

I'd invite her.