Am I being Stingy to my BM and expecting them to pay to much?

Honestly?.........i think if you couldnt afford to have all the BM's within your budget then you shouldnt have them. This is only my opinion ?

Thanks much appreciated, its one of those things that I said (as its my four best friends the other two are my sisters which obviously are my other bms) I love to have you all but cant afford the dress, and they kinda said well we can pay for that................... I never intended on having 6 lol

Any advice on how to go back on my word? lol xxxxx

I have 5 bridesmaids,two of those are my daughters,i have bought all the dresses and will be paying for everything including hair and make up. I am not buying shoes as they don't want to wear the same,i have just said for them to be black.

Personally it would depend how much the dress is,if it was anything over 50 quid i think i would grudge paying myself..sorry

Well thats the thing, they choose what dress, and the budget its entirely upto them on that, as there all so different, as long as they all in the same colour I dont mind different styles, I kinda like that look in all honesty

I may see if I can raise the money for the hair as well I may not feel so bad then x

Mmmm if i was on a wedding & had to buy my own dress etc and the bride said she wanted that instead of a wedding gift i'd think thats fair enough - but I would prob still get the bride a wee something..

Im havin 3 and a flowergirl & my folks are paying dresses, hair & make up & flowers.Im paying their shoes & jewellery.

I thought 3 & a flowergirl was plenty so I think for the number you are having & that they suggested it & were ok with it is grand.

My bridesmaids have brought their own dresses, we don't have a huge budget and I said to them at the start that we couldn't afford to get their dresses, however I did say that they didn't have to wear the same dress as long as they all complimented each other. This also meant that they could wear a dress that they were comfortable in and looked good in as they are all completely different sizes.

It's the same on the groomsmen side though, they're getting their own suits, marks and sparks.

We all went to birmingham dress shopping on sunday, made a girly day of it. It worked out really well, the first dress they all tried on, in the debenhams blue cross sale, they all loved ... and it's the same dress! a bargain at £35 and they all wear the dress differntly so it suits them all.

I am paying for either their hair or make up (whichever they prefer) and getting them a thomas sabo bracelet as their thank you gift.

At the end of the day if you can't afford it you can't afford it. But I wouldn't then say to them that they have to get a £150 dress. Also take into consideration all of their sizes.

When I was bm a couple of years ago my friend was splashing out on a huge church ceremony, exclusivity of a GIANT posh hotel, 5 course dinner, the works etc etc.... then turned around and told me I would need to buy the ridiculous accessories she wanted me to wear... xmas wedding, her theme was Russian bride - I had to fork out a fortune for faux fur hat, shawl, muff, some crazy shoes, own hair make up etc. I think the fact these things were so expensive, and I would never use them again was a bitter pill to take, plus the fact we had barely spoken for the 2 years leading up to her asking me, plus the fact she only told me the amount I had to pay v v close to the wedding, plus then she sent me a gift list which was hugely expensive - all this added up to me wondering why on earth I had said yes.

I think if you have been upfront with them, are close to all of them, and are letting them have some choice then it is fair. If they choose a dress they actually like, they will be happy paying for it, added to the fact you have expressed the don't need to get you another gift. I don't see a problem.

Posted at the same time,i don't think you can go back on your word if you mean not having as many bridesmaids as they Will automatically say that it is fine and be upset if they are no longer a bridesmaid.

I dunno if you have chosen your dresses yet but i got mine for £40 quid each from marks and Spencer's,so all of them together cost about the same as one or two of dessy dresses etc,they are lovely and fab quality .

To be honest, I was a bridesmaid for my friend and I had to pay for half of my dress, as she had set a budget of £100 - which was fine, but she took us to bridal shops and didnt want us in high street dresses, my dress was £200. I've never worn it again and I had to pay for my own alterations. I also had to get my own shoes, sort out my hair and make up. I wasn't too happy about all of this. For my wedding, i'm paying for everything, hair, make up, dresses, shoes etc. I think that if you are asking for them to pay for things, then you have to shop in appropriate shops and set a limit of how much you are asking them to pay, and obviously how much you are willing to pay, so that it comes within your budget.

I wouldnt bother me either, maybe I might pay for the hair and then optional makeup as some people prefer to do their own?? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Its a tough one, and I love to pay for everything for them, but sadly I just cant. I might send a group text telling them as I feel bad about the whole thing and just cant afford to pay for what I like I rather they just came to the day time and still ask them over the night before etc??

Ahhhhhhh xx

I also wouldn't have that many BMs if you can't afford (I am only having 2, even though I could have my neices as flower girls and and extra 2 ones who I deem to be close friends)...

THAT said, if they have said that they are happy to buy their dresses then that is fine. I personally wouldn't like to have to buy my own BM dress for a wedding, particularly if the bride has picked it and I will never wear it again.

Are they chosing their own, or have you picked one?

I think it depends on your friends and how short of cash they are.

IMHO I would give them a thank you card and heartfelt hug instead of a gift, have corsarges instead of boquets, and miss out the night before pack to give them all the cash you can to cover the dress / hair whatever it may be.

I'd explain this, and if I was in their circumstance i'd be more than happy.

I'm paying for everything for mine BUT if my friend was on a budget - especially a good friend - I'd be more than happy to pay for my dress and/or shoes as long as it was under £100 and they didn't expect a huge wedding present. Sounds like you're being really reasonable though. If you're letting them pick they could probably pick something nice up for £30-£40 ... I don't find that unreasonable.

Then again you know you and their circumstances...if any are students or unemployed etc. maybe it's a bit mean but my bridesmaids all offered to pay for their dresses and I actually had to tell them I'd like to do it as they are helping me by doing the BM duties and being there for me on my day!

I think that if they've said they're happy to pay for their own dress then that's fine as long as you are upfront with how much it will be. Before I started wedding planning I had no idea how expensive BM dresses are. You should also consider when picking the style if it's something they might wear again.

Personally I would cut out the huge list you're putting in there as extra gifts... the bag with the gloss and robes etc. I don't think that's necessary. And you could use the money saved to spring a surprise on them by paying for a bit more of their dress. I also would personally say "there will be a hairdresser available on the day, this is what she costs, if you want to pay for her you can OR you can do your hair yourself". I don't think it's fair to say "you MUST get your hair done, and you MUST pay for it" iyswim.

Paying for their own shoes is fair enough but I think if you're not paying you can't be too prescriptive about what they buy... they might say "oh, it's okay" to your face but secretly not be happy about it.

I am paying for all 4 of my BMs dresses, but will probably go highstreet and then have them jazzed up by a seamstress or I will do it if it's simple. Haven't decided on shoes yet... will see if they already all have suitable shoes. If I decide I want them all in the same shoes, I will pay for it. I am not paying for them to get hair or make-up done but have said that if they want that then they can pay for it, but none are bothered... they're happy to do their own. I'm also paying for all their flower bits and bobs (including wrist corsage) and have bought them little presents.

Thats what I have said, they can choose what dress they like it dont have to be same style of anything or expensive just same colour. Thats it as they are all different sizes.

And I dont mind if its asda or armarni just long as they love it and feel happy in it xx

WSS.

In terms of the cost though, it would really depend on how much the dresses are and how much choice you have allowed them etc.

Honestly?

I have NO money for bridesmaids either..so theyre paying for their own dresses...I chose a few I like which fitted with the colour scheme etc - they then chose the one they all liked the most - THEN I looked for the same dress but cheaper.

I also said that they cna wear whateve shoes they want, and I found them a bag for £3 in the sales so bought them, ive done them up a little goodie bag with some cheap little bits in, and bought them jewellerry. If I had have to have bought the dresses too - they wouldnt have had anything else cos I cant afford it.

I dont think its a bad thing. I think often bridesmaids expect to keep the dresses afterward - but I said if I pay for it I keep it! Its up to you! lol x

I'd say that's pretty fair then ?

I'd say that's pretty fair then ?

Sorry, either the others and you relplied whilst I was typing, or I missed that bit.

If they are chosing and they are happy to do this, then of course there is nothing wrong!

When my friend got married she asked me to be bridesmaid and picked my dress out for me but didn't tell me I had to pay for it until she handed it over and asked for £150(!) - when she knew I didn't even have a job at the time! I was cross because although the dress was nice it wasn't something I would ever wear again and as I was recovering from a long period of illness at the time I had lost loads of weight and so now can't fit into the dress anyway. Plus I had to pay for the dress alterations and my shoes, do my own hair and make-up, and pay over £100 on simply attending the hen party, on top of all that was the gift list. All she paid for was my bouquet. It all added up to a huge amount for me to pay out at a time when I didn't have much money. Although your bridesmaids say they are happy to pay for their dresses, they may not be aware of how much it all really costs. If you want to cut the numbers down then you could stick to just having your sisters and still get simple corsages for your friends so they feel part of your day.

I have one bridesmaid, who kind of forced herself on me. I sent her away to pick her own dress - meaning for her to pay for it - and she came back with a picture of a £120 dress which she wants me to pay for. I am already paying for her hair, flowers, accommodation and a present for her on the day, as well as the £3000 I have to save up just to feed and entertain everyone, including the 3 guests I am inviting along just so she has someone there she knows. This year my OH and i are moving house and both starting new careers in low-level positions and will not have much money. I have been stressing out for months now about how to tell my bridesmaid that I really can't afford that £120...

This is worrying me a bit now.

I have 4 BM's - 3 adult and my stepdaughter who is my CBM.

My MIL2B is buying my stepdaughters stuff so i was planning to buy the 3 adults their dresses (my SIL and 2 best friends..)

WELL...having been to the dress shop and seen that the dresses are about £200, plus £65 alterations, jewelery etc I have spoken to them and offered to pay £100 towards the dress, alterations jewellery (and will get them a pressie that they dont know about yet) and they will pay the remainder of the dress - up to £100.

I'm starting to feel like im being tight...but originally they all wanted to pay for everything themselves....

argh

I personally couldn't ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then expect them to fork out for the dress and all the other stuff such as shoes and hair which is required, I think if you ask you should pay for what is required.

If it were me I would have less bridesmaids and pay for the lot. I might feel differently if they offered to pay for the dress and they fully knew all of the possible other costs, even though I think I would feel quite guilty.

Am I wrong or did I read somewhere that traditionally bridesmaids pay for their own dresses anyway? I think you've been honest with them so dont worry about it! If they are your friends they will understand.

I have 4 BM's and am paying £100 towards their dresses. We took them to a forever yours shop where the dresses are from £128 - £160 ish so they could chose whichever dress they wanted and not be restricted because of cost. They are getting their shoes so they can chose something they will wear again. I'm getting their hair accessories and jewellery and their wrist corsages. I'm also making them a button pomander bag which have taken me hours and hours to make (although I am only on the second one!). I'm not having my makeup and hair done by a professional so they are doing their own. I trust them all to chose a hairstyle / makeup that suits them and will look fine in the photos.

I dont see why you should HAVE to pay for anything - if they are true friends they will want to support you no matter what (cost) and if you cant afford it they would understand. Its not like you are demanding they get this that and t'other that puts them out of pocket of hundreds of pounds.

Relax and dont worry!

xxx

Why do bridesmaids dresses have to be altered anyway?

If you buy your size dress for a party, you put it on and wear it, don't you?

Well MrsB_2B that was my thoughts as well. IF it was me and my friend had told me up front and what the situation was from the start I wouldnt mind at all and completely understand and even expect to pay for my own dress etc.

I put it to them I dont mind paying for either hair or makeup which ever they would like its a option if they want to pay for the other and have it done they can but they dont have to its and can do it them selfs if they want to.

I also pay for hair access, their flowers, jewellery and little BM kits is personally something I like to do as a jesture. I text them to say I feel quilty and if they dont want to pay it then I understand if they just want come and enjoy the day.

Cant be fairer than that IMO xx