Am I being Stingy to my BM and expecting them to pay to much?

P.s how do you know you wouldnt want it given to you??? you dont even know whats in it. That and it be things for them to keep and use the night before and there after as a keep sake.

How could any gift see seen as something I dont want, im always grateful for any gift anyone gives me regardless of if I think its usefull or not.

So dont think they be Miffed x

I see what you mean and I don't think they'll be miffed at all about it... they'll probably be pleased... but just personally if I was a BM and was told I had to pay for my own dress because the bride couldn't afford it, but then she gave me a bag of stuff over and above the bridesmaid present (I mean lipgloss is one thing but you said you're buying them robes which are usually a lot more money!)... I would probably think "well why could you afford the contents of this bag but not the dress?!" I wouldn't say it out loud but you can see how it looks iyswim...

just my opinion Maybe I'm stingy as I'm only buying my girls high-street dresses but that's because navy blue is an easy colour to find and I just don't want to pay more when it'll look just as good on the day in my opinion!

Im going navy as well and I can see what you mean about the robe thing, its only cause I seen them for £10.00 each at primark lol and i be sticking the bridemaids on myself there not gonna be majorly expesive or anything but I see your point

I do think everyone's situation is different it sounds like you have great friends who want to be there for you and are therefore happy to pay for their own dresses and as you have given them a pretty free reign on it they do not have to spend any more than they can afford, and lets be honest even if they weren't bridesmaids they would probably be buying a new frock (and if they are anything like me and my friends shoes, bag and accessories too) for the ocasion anyway so you are not really asking them to spend any more than they probably would off their own back.

I understand what some of the other posters are saying about the gift bags and that if you are saying to them you are not buying them dresses because you cant afford it then to present them with presents, which from what you have said you have planned to put in, would cost something like what a high street dress would be then they might find that a little odd, but only you know these people and situation and if you know that they will take it as it is intended as a thoughtful gift thendon't worry about it.

Personally I am having 2 BMs and paying for their dresses, not sure about shoes yet we will see once the dresses are bought but hoping they will get their own to be honest and then like me they will have to do own hair and make up as due to remote location of wedding not really possible to get someone down to do it.

You know your friends!

I'll have to do this from memory as I can't remember what you said in your original post, but you mentioned things along the lines of lip gloss and dressing gowns.

I have 3 dressing gowns already so don't need another one, I don't like lip-gloss and only wear Clinique makeup. I am a girlie girl but I only like the products I like. So when I said things I wouldn't want, what I meant was, I'm potentiallt paying up to £100 or more for a dress that although I may be able to wear again, I may not have the opportunity to but then i'm given things which aren't necessary. Does that make sense?? It's actually harder to explain in writing what I mean than I thought...

Broomfield i do not think you are being stingy at all, all of your bm's KNOW your situation you have been honest with them from the start and by the sounds of it they are happy with your arrangement.

My situation is......3 bridesmaids & 2 flowergirls. 3 Bm's are paying for all of their dress's, 2 are very good friends and 1 is my sister. From the start i decided i wasn't having BM's because of the cost, I am having a luxury wedding that does cost £££ but having said that h2b is putting in alot more than me and it wasn't fair for me to have bm's that i couldn't personally afford. My BM's all stood up to me and said (in a nice way) that i WAS having bm's and they would pay for their dresses, so sweet of them as they knew i really did want them.

So they are paying £140 for their dresses, i they were £185 but i got a discount and i spread it over the 4 of us. I have told them they can buy what ever shoes they want to wear but i will only be budgeting £30 each, if they want to spend more they can put too. I have offered to pay for hair & make-up though 1 wants to do their own make-up (thats fine). I also like you have been nuying little bits here and there to do a pamper bag for them (bag being a free one off Vista) & mugs and t-shirts all at delivery price!!! I have bought them jewellery off ebay thats gorgeous and i will be buying them their headpiece.

They had the pick of dresses, high street/bridal (they chose bridal shop) and infact got a bit pissed with me when i let them have there own opinion!!!!

So thats me, quite similar to you, so dont feel quilty you know your friends and if they are as fab as mine you will be fine and they will be grateful

I think I agree with a fair few posts on here that the goody bag, whilst a nice idea, may not be the best use of the money, and you could put that money towards a hairdresser, even if its a slightly cheaper one to the one you are having? Personally I think pro hair makes a much bigger difference on the day that pro make-up and doing your own hair does.

I think the fact that you are letting your girls choose their own dresses takes away from the stingy factor a lot becasue they can choose how much they spend, the style they feel comfortable in etc. I think it only becomes stingy if you demand they must have certain things. Ive been a bridesmaid where Ive paid for the dress, shoes, fur stole, and hair accessory, none of which Ive worn again, and at that time I vowed I would only have as many bridesmaids as I could pay for .

I have 3 adult BMs and 3 junior BMs/flower girls (one is in a 'mini' version of the adult dress, the others are going to be in flowergirl type dresses).

Each of the adults has put in £70 towards their dress - they were fully happy to do this and I let them know this would be what I would want to do before hand - and I am paying for all the younger girls' dresses in full. I am also meeting the cost of all alterations.

I have also bought their shoes, handbags, hair accessories and am paying for their hair to be done on the day. All of these things come to far less than the £210 they have jointly put in.

I think only you know your bridesmaids and what they would be happy with, so as long as they are happy (which they seem to be), I wouldn't worry.

I'll be honest I'm only having 2 bridesmaids because of the cost. I'm paying for their dresses (£130 each), shoes,flowers, jewelry and hair on day. They are both doing their own make up.

I would find it embarrassing to ask them to pay for my day when i'm choosing everything. One bridesmaid is at uni and the other has just purchased her first house. However, we have discussed that they will pay for my outfit when they r get married (one of them is getting married in 2012).

I have 4 adult bridesmaids and a flower girl (my daughter). I'm paying for the dresses (although MIL2b and FIL2b did offer to pay for one BM dress for SIl2b) but the plan is for us to go window shopping so they can try things on, pick out a style they all feel comfortable in, whether that's matching or just colour coordinated and THEN try to find it cheaper elsewhere. I'd love to splash out on expensive dresses for them all but I just can't afford it. I am paying for us all to have our hair and make-up done on the day though, which they're all really excited about.

I wouldnt worry, if your bridesmaids are aware of what they have to pay for and are happy to do it then great

I am paying for everything for my bridesmaids hence only having two, i would love to have more but i wouldnt feel comfortable asking them to be my bridesmaid and then asking them to pay for stuff for my wedding day. Just my opinion. Im probably a bit old fashioned, i think everyone is much more chilled out now about paying there way etc

I think it's different if you are choosing everything and it makes more sense for you to pay in that case. However in my case I specified the colour (dark green) only. We did choose to buy from a bridal shop rather than from the high street as we couldn't find anything nice that suited all the shapes of my different maids and that was the right colour. But I said to them from the start that I didn't mind if they all had different styles or lengths or anything, as long as the colour was dark green. They actually all chose the same dress in the end! I think that was a fair compromise given that they were paying part of the cost.

I'm having 2 BMs and a flowergirl and have paid for the dresses, Dessy for the BMs as we couldn't find anything we liked on the highstreet. They are paying for their own shoes, hair and doing own make up. I've bought their jewellery and a little cape. If I was asked to pay for my own dress I wouldn't mind but would only want to pay highstreet prices, def not more than £100.

Like others have said although the gift pack would be nice I would appreciate having £20 or so put towards my dress instead, or having a manicure. But you know what your friends would appreciate and everyone is different.

To be honest. Yes. You are being stingey. You shouldn't have that many BM's if you can't afford them. Asking them to pay something towards their dress, or just paying for their air or whatever, fine, but all of that is a lot and if it was me, I would be unhappy with having to pay so much.I guess you know them, and they would have told you if they were unhappy.

I have 4 BM's and I am paying for everything. I feel if I want them to wear something in particular or have their hair a certain way or whatever, then I should pay. They shouldn't be made to pay for it. If they have full length dresses I might ask them to pick their own shoes, so they can have what they are comfortable in.

Please read the whole thread before you comment! you see Im NOT Asking for them to wear something in particular they get the say as long as its navy.

and their hair = my mum is a hairdresser and is going to do it for them, so saving money that way but they can do it themselfs if they want to and have what they want!

So im not a total bridezilla that expect them to pay for everything and have it all my way, obviously you are different

I dont think you are being stingy at all and its wrong for people to impose their own personal cost opinions as at the end of the day its personal preference.

The tradition is not for the bride to pay for the dresses, its for the bridesmaids to buy their own - and not ones they choose, ones the bride has picked for the wedding. So if your bridesmaids are paying then you are simply sticking with tradition and not being tight. As long as your bridesmaids can afford the dresses you pick and are aware of the price then it shouldnt even be an issue.

My bridesmaids said they wanted to pay for their dresses and that they had just assumed this was what happened. We have decided to split the cost 50:50 as I wanted to contribute to them but my BMs would feel awful if they thought I was worrying about it as I'm sure yours would.

Enjoy having your friends around you as BMs and don't worry about who pays for what as long as you are all happy and noone feels put out

That was my understanding too - although I appreciate a lot of traditions don't stand any more.

I'm having two bridesmaids - my older sisters. They have bought their own dresses although we chose them together. I was easy on style and colour and wanted to get something they were both happy with as they have very different styles. They paid for the dresses themselves and they're also getting their own shoes - I've said I don't mind what they get as I want them to be comfy - as long as they are silver or navy they can have whatever style they like. One is going for sparkly silver sandals whilst the other is getting navy satin kitten heeled court shoes - told you they have very different styles!

I've bought their fur capes, tiaras and jewellery for the day (which is a surprise). And I'll also be paying for their bouquets.

My situation is maybe a bit different than a lot of people though - I'm older than your average bride (I'm 41) and my sisters are both in their 40s too. So it's maybe less of an issue than for someone younger who may still by studying or just setting up home for the first time. Having said that, one of my sisters actually said she'd liked to have got a more expensive dress than what we went for!

Hi

I am in the same situation i have 4 BM and a flower girl, my thought was that i would pay for my CBM as she is going to be helping me out the most, one of my BM is the OH half sister and the other two are my cousins, if it ends up being expensive i may ask my mum to pay for them, however when SIL2B got married she asked her BM to pay and it seemed fine them so SMIL2B will be paying for the OH half sister.

i have told my BM that i want them to pay for the dress, which will be black so hopefully they could wear them again, if its long they can have their own shoes, i will probably pay for hair and make up if the want it and will obviously buy jewellery as a gift.

Every bride and her BM are different, if i had it my way would only have by CBM but with families not possible so have the numbers i have!! Please don't worry what other people may say, your BM sound wonderful and that is the most important thing

I was under the impression that traditionally the bride's father paid for the bridesmaids dresses. I think this idea of bridesmaids paying for their own comes from the days when you would just put on your best clothes to go and get married (bride and groom included).

As I said earlier, my personal opinion is that you don't have that many bridesmaids if you can't afford to buy their dresses. I understand that you have been upfront about it, but if a friend of mine put it to me that way i.e. I'd love to have you as a bridesmaid, but can't afford your dress, I'd feel obliged to accept and pay for my own, whether I wanted to or not.

I also agree with what the other have said about the goodie bag. If it was me, I would rather it be put towards the cost of the dress instead. An inexpensive token of appreciation is different.

I was merely giving an example of when you definitely shouldn't ask someone to pay for something. I wasn't accusing you.

I totally understand why you want to do this, but I think perhaps offer them some recompense, or pay a little bit towards it. I would be cross if I was asked to be bridesmaid without knowing I was going to have to pay for everything, but if they're aware then that's different.

6 is a lot of bridesmaids so I can see why that would be horrendously expensive. I never said you were wrong I just think that if someone is your BM you should pay for them. Maybe I am jsut too traditional.

Of course it is personal preference, but you did ask lol

It wouldn't bother me as long as when someone asked me to be a bridesmaid, they told me up front I would have to pay - if so, I then would be able to decide if I felt I could afford it.

But of course, main detail, depends on how much the dress and hair etc are costing. If they don't want to pay for the hair, do they have the option of doing it themselves instead and so on. It's all very well saying, don't get me a wedding present, but perhaps they were only intending to spend a certain amount and then wouldn't feel right saying, oh, but I was going to spend x instead of y. You have told them they can wear what they like as long as it's a certain colour, so that's fair enough, they can choose their own budget then, same as your mum is doing the hair.

I think a lot of people are thinking about the brides that choose a £150 dress and then £50 shoes and then £50 hair etc and then ask you to pay and turn around and say, oh, it can be a wedding present instead. Then obviously you will be thinking it's a bit unfair, esp if you aren't going to wear the thing ever again.

It's different for everyone, but as long as you are upfront about it all and don't spring it on people, then that's fair enough. After all, what one person think it's totally reasonable, another might be sat there thinking, what a brideszilla.

I am being a bridesmaid later this year and have just done some totting up and I have spent £380.00 which includes dress, hen night, hotel room and shoes. I think if the bridesmaids have offered to pay for things, as long as you dont dictate how much they should be spending then its not too bad. I think if its come out of the blue and they didnt know the budget then thats a bit unfair.