Am I being too sensitive?

Is your nan old? If she is and her dog is old then maybe she wouldn't to leave it for the whole day in case something happened...maybe you could suggest she come for the ceremony and then someone take her home afterwards?

x

She's only 71, very active, always doing DIY, out and about etc. She came to my sister's wedding and my mum took her home afterwards. But it was the fact there was no discussion, just flat "I'm not coming."

I understand that the way she told you was tactless but...and it's strange this, but only yesterday i was chatting to someone (in her 60's) and she was saying that she is finding that as she gets older she is caring less and less about 'sugaring the pill' when she is talking to people. She knows says things 'how it is' and tough if you don't like it. So all I'm saying is that maybe she isn't aware of the way she told you and would be mortified to know that she had upset you in some way. If I were you I would shrug it off, ask if she would like to do the same as she did for tour sisters' wedding and leave it at that.

xx

I started crying as soon as she told me, so I'm pretty sure she knew she'd upset me! I'm going to try and forget it, but as my sister has also made a fuss about getting time off (our wedding isn't until 2011!) I probably am just being too sensitive about it all ?!

Thanks for your reply x

Aww hun! I didn't know your sister was fussing over time off. My god..there's over a year to book it...she should get a grip! As for you being sensitive...no, know I know more about it....I don't think you are being sensitive, but I also think that you can't let it be made into a really big deal because with your wedding planning...you will have bigger fish to fry! Your nan knows she upset you...balls in her court...it's up to her really whether she goes or not, you will have provided her with a solution. As for your sister, I think fussing over time off is...'off' for want of a better word. Your wedding is more important than having to take a day off work and she does have loads of time to organise it, again, leave the ball in her court, you have enough to do than to worry about her.

Have a hug ?

I can understand why your are upset, I would be a little miffed too! In fact I have a similar situation with my nan who said to me 'you do realise I probably wont be alive then so dont count on me coming!' I was mortified and upset, and she said it dead seriously but as mel says, as people get older they tend to say things with less tact and foget us younger lot still like a bit of sugar with things.

Im sure that when it comes to it she will pop along for a bit, most of my elder relatives struggle with a full day out so tend to use excuses such as pets so they arent embarrassed when they have to duck out early. Im sure she didnt mean to upset you and as you said in your post she did say not for the whole day so im sure she wouldnt miss the wedding part.

Keep your chin up, and a lot can change before the wedding!

x

My FIL is the same won't go anywhere because he can't leave his dog for a few hours. I think it's an old person thing to be incredibly blunt I know my mother is getting worse now she's mid 70s, I just ignore it and pray I don't turn out the same.

Sick dogs are like children, for practical reasons you often can't just leave them. I've had to turn down a few weddings because children were not invited, not snubbing them or anythng, but I can't just lock her in the house and leave a bit of food out for her. For an old lady a dog often IS her child, so I can understand it.

I can appreciate where you are coming from though. Can provisions be made at the venue for the dog? For instance if it's at a hotel can it stay up in the room or similar so she can pop back up to the room and check on it?

Thanks for your replies everyone. Mel, thanks for the hug, my sister is really winding me up! She even said she may not be able to come to my hen weekend/night (haven't sorted anything out yet) because of work, but then goes on about how "I'm her little sister, and she'll do everything she can to come, but it's difficult." Purlease, it's two years away! But that's another story!

My parents have two dogs who are going to kennels as I know dogs can't be left for a whole day. They are part of the family, I'd invite them if I could! If she was coming, I would have found a hotel or something for the dog to go to, as there are a couple near the venue, and if she came for part of the day only I wouldn't mind. It just upset me thinking she wouldn't see me get married, as my other nan is looking more frail every time I see her and I worry she won't be around then and both Grandad's are sadly no longer around, so it would be awful if she wasn't there.

Sounds like m,y nan who has boycotted my wedding due to the fact that my grandad isnt around anymore... ive invited her with a friend as well so she wont be on her own but I think she still wont come. ?

Morning Bee

Is there anybody who can dog sit your nans' dog for a couple of hours? A neighbour? Your sister really is sounding like a bit of a pain in the ass with hen do thing. Honestly, I know it's hard, but leave her to it, if she goes she goes, if not it's her loss and she will kick herself in the end if she didn't go to hen do or wedding, (I think she secretly, she wouldn't dream of missing it!)

x

Morning ?

Don't think so, but if she did come then she could bring the dog down with her and one of our neighbours could look after it. And as for my sister, she is a very large pain in the bum! I know she'll come, I just wish she would be supportive about things, not make things hard. Families eh? Don't you just love 'em ?

Hope your wedding plans are coming on well.

Karen, sorry to hear that, it would be a shame if she did miss it, especially as you've invited her friend for company.

x

It is possible that the dog is an excuse, and what she is really feeling is that she may not be up for an all day affair? I get the impression she doesn't live locally to where the wedding is to be, so that may be very daunting to her. I would take a step back and ask your mom what she thinks. It could really be that if she has to travel, it will be too much for her. Could still be the idea of traveling and having to leave the dog in the care of someone else really does worry her. I can see why you would find it upsetting.

She doesn't live that far away to be honest, and hasn't asked where the venue is, even though I tried to show her the brochure. She travelled down for my sister's wedding, so I don't think that is a problem, and if it is it would be a bit off as I've seen her loads of times this year, and I invited her to my house, and my sister hasn't been to see her since last year. I understand it might be a bit much for her, but would like to think she'd want to be there to share the day with us, even if she doesn't stay all day. Plus, we are planning on using the ceremony room (which will be attached by a covered walkway thing to the reception room, when it's built) as a quiet area for the older relatives and children.

Thanks for your reply x