Am I being unreasonable?

That's not the point I'm making though. You are getting married, not her. If, for the reasons above or any others you have, you are just going to give in to her, do it now. No point in getting yourself into a tizz if you're just going to go along with it anyway.

i actually cant. i have litterally NO funds availible to me.

I dont want to do it without her, even if i was paying id want her im put i just dont want her tp take over and make everything expensive! i dont want expensive.

my friend Jo is doing my flowers, her sister is doing my cake, im doing the invites and all the stationary msyelf.

i just worry that if i give in and let her hire this big GRAND reception venue she will run away with her power

were pretty much 100% in agreement about the church and ceremony bit, even though she's changed my views on the flowers and various things.

im also concerned about turfing my guests out at 11:30pm

but i dont want to give in, i just dont want to upset her by doing it.

Why? Our venue said non guests had to have vacated by midnight, and we arranged it for our band to finish at about 10.30pm and carriages at 11. Most people had two hours or so travelling on top of their long day if they weren't staying over (due to our location) so, as we expected, by about 10pm numbers started to thin out.

In all honesty, a few hours partying is enough - all extra hours does is let people get more drunk, and that wasn't part of what we'd call having a good day so we decided an earlier finish was best all round, and as we'd been on the go since 6am a 17 hour day was more than enough for us too.

I'm sure most people would rather go to a short but good, party than a long but naff, party. I note that you mentioned 'lots of alcohol' in your post, we had a great day with very little. Alcohol does not automatically make a party good - it's merely a part of it for most people.

Ok let me see if I have got this straight.

You want a church wedding in your church - your mother has agreed to this.

You want the reception in a certain venue - your mother has offered another more expensive one but will accept yours if that is what you want.

You have no money - your mother has offered to pay.

I really don't get the issue anymore? You have your cake and you are eating it.

well people wont get slaughtered, but they will get merry and tha'ts a good thing. My family like a good knees up and so do his, if we turfed them out at 11:30 they'd want to go clubbing until 4am. my other venue allows us to party until 2am. our wedding is really local so most people will want to stay late and ill be able to . When i left a wedding at the weekend at midnight (due to hitching a ride with some one else who was traveling - the wedding was out in the country) most of the people were still there doing the robot.

the venue is nothing like what i want though. expensive isn't always better, its about the venue that i will feel comfortable in. I don't like big grand places, its just not me.

if i didnt want a church wedding i would have had to have one anyway - my mum wouldnt let me get away with that one.

Ok, I have only skim read this, but let me see if I have got this straight........

Your Mother wants to pay for your wedding and seems to want to make the decisions.

You do not want her to.

Options that you have said are not feasible,

Talking to her about being overpowering

Funding the wedding yourself

Postpone until you have saved up

Will not have the ceremony only

Will not do a registry office.

Well what a pickle. Do you have any ideas for yourself JoannaD?

I keep intending to reply to this thread but after all the repsonses you have had I am not sure what you want people to say.

Are you being unreasonable? Well my answer is no.

Now what do you intend to do?

But, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you said your mother would let you have your preferred venue if you were to stand up for yourself?

So, I'm not really seeing the issue. A short, and maybe very slightly uncomfortable, conversation with your mother should produce the desired result? A church wedding, the reception in your preferred venue and your mother paying for the lot?

That isn't what I said - Your mother is enquiring with a more expensive venue but you want another, she will most likely accept the one you want but you need to have "that" conversation.

Perhaps read MrsC's post again. The venue your mother has chosen is not what you would want BUT she will pay for the one you DO want. So what's the issue? It seems that you want her to say that you are right. Getting the money from her = having your cake, getting her to say you are right = eating it.

Bit of a flippant remark. I'm religious, but my OH is not. Our compromise is to have a civil ceremony with a blessing afterwards.

Im kind of confused.... but am I right in thinking that it is your mum that is the problem, you need to grow a pair and tell her to butt out! Its that simple. She has offered to pay it does not give her the right to dictate where you get married. She is hardly going to turn around and tell you its her way or the highway. My PIL paid 75% towards our wedding and not once did they try to influence any decisions we made.

We both are, and we did this option - which worked very well for us and a number of our Christian friends commented how well it all came together and how refreshing it was to all come together and recognise both the legal aspects and the faith aspects of getting married.

Having now read the entire thread, I'm confused to say the least!