Am I being unreasonable??

Un reasonable about what?

Sorry, I've now posted my rant! I'm just new here so still getting used to everything

Hi,

i don't think you're being unreasonable at all rant away, i'm in a similar position and my mum has said she's paying so should be able to invite people, i'm not sure what the answer is what does she say when you explain that his side is larger than yours? can you reason with her?

J

Totally know what you mean so you are not alone. I don't have any advice though, sorry!

Have a hug ?

Hi ... no I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - it is your wedding, regardless of who is paying for it!! Mumzilla's don't rock ....

I agree i dont think u r being unreasonable at all, at the end of the day its your day u should have the fianl word weither she is paying ot not

It is a difficult one because she may assume that because she is paying she gets some say. I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting the wedding your imagines but it is a difficult one to tackle, would you be prepared to forego her financial support to keep numbers down?

Can you explain to her that it is not about actual numbers so much as levels of family invites - i.e. if you have just extended invitations to siblings, grandparents and aunts and uncles but you OH has twice as many brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles as you then the numbers will be different. If you mum is now starting to invite cousins, etc then you could explain that this means you need to extend invite to OHs cousins to keep it fair (maybe if this is a lot more people it might stop her in her tracks if she realises the costs).

Tobe honest i would have to sit my mum down and explain to her that this isnt what you wanted and if she wants a say in the wedding just because she is contributuing then you wouldnt feel able to take her money. I know it wouldnt be easy and you may hurt her but this is your day and you shouldnt have to put up with anything you dont want to that will ruin any memories you have in years to come.

J X

Mumzilla, I love that!! I have one to, only mine is just being really SLOOOOOOOOOOOW about everything!!

I have had to get my dad on side in this and explain to him that it is me and hubbys wedding and I feel like she is taking over...

Do you have a dad, brother, sister, or close person you could talk to who could tell your mum how you feel without her feeling like you are talking about her behind her back?

To be honest, if it's your Mum paying, she should be able to invite some friends of hers. Moreover, it's not only about you. It's also a big day for her and it's important she could have some company to party with.

I dont think your being unreasonable whatsoever!!! Your mum needs to understand that the day is for you and future hubby, not your mum! I know your mum has offered to pay, but at the end of the day she will be doing it because she wants to do it for you not so that she can have her say, she is your mum afterall!

I'm probably going to be disagreeing with most people and say that I think you are being unreasonable. I can totally see your mum's point of view that, especially if she's paying, why would she want to pay for 20 of H's family and only 10 of your side.

If you are prepared to accept her money then I don't think you can really complain if she is inviting people.

We had the same problem with MIL inviting her friends and people we had never even met, which meant we had to forego inviting a lot of people we wanted to come as we were really limited on space. However, although it made both of our blood boil, the reception was in MILs garden, and she paid for the tipi-so we felt we couldnt really complain. I know this probably won`t be applicable to you as your wedding is smaller but I didnt notice the people MIL invited, and they went home straight after the dinner anyway.

The upshot is, we didnt really feel we had a say as MIL paid quite a bit towards the wedding, which is a similar situation to yours.

Hi everyone and thanks for your replies. I'm going to take the advice and try speaking to my Mum again. We picked a small intimate wedding because we wanted something special with close family and friends. I wouldn't mind if I even knew some of the people but I could walk past them in the street and I wouldn't know them and I dont want my wedding to have strangers as I want to share it with the poeple closest to me.

Wish me luck speaking to my Mum, lol!!

Hope you did manage to sort it.

Had similar situation with my parents. I live in Dubai and getting married in Netherlands. (Only had/have 3 months to organise whole thing.) Parents offered to pay for the dinner which was really lovely of them. They felt like I was making my mum do all the orginisation. We talked it out and I sent her some flowers (nothing says I love you like delivering flowers).

Perhaps you can reach a compromise? She can invite a limited number of people, but with very good reason. I agree that you don't want people there that you don't know.

i completely agree, i refuse to pay for people to have a free 3 course meal who i dont even know. you need to stamp both your feet and say no no no no.

i hate these stupid wedding politics.

mil2b has been a nightmare in our wedding plans and we are not getting married till 2010, i now officially hate the woman.

lou x x

what happened with your mum???????

No you're not. It's hard when parents are paying for chunks of the wedding, they feel as though they should have a say and you feel as though you shouldn't be ungrateful so you go along with it. You just have to remind them that it's your wedding. That you understand that you can't un-invite people that have been invited but that you'd prefer it if she didn't ask anymore people as you were only planning on having a small wedding and that you feel that your small wedding isn't small anymore.

I had a similar situation, my parents were paying for the wedding reception and added a couple of their friends to the day that i would have perhaps only invited in the evening, but i wasn't being restrained by having a small wedding so 2 people didn't really matter to me and as dad was paying i just went along with it as it would have been him paying for them anyway. If i'd have been going for the small just close friends and family do though i'd have been a bit p'd off too.

Mine is the same as childs, my dad is paying for the recepition, so has asked if he can invite 4 to the day and another 4 to the evening.

I felt like I had no choose then say yes he could, as he was paying for it.

We nearly fell out over though as when we first provisionally booked it we said about 40 in the day and other 40 at night, and i have 38 adults and 7 kids during the day and my dad said I could only have 40 in total. I just told him I would cut his friends that I didn't know and he soon changed his mind.