Am i being unreasonable? OH's ex at wedding!

I don't think you're being unreasonable - surely it would be awkward for everyone. It would be different if OH and his friend were really good mates - you might just have to accept it. But if they don't really see each other any more then why put yourself through that. Surely OH can just explain that you are restricted for numbers so whilst there are people you might like to invite it just isn't possible to have everyone there. I don't think there's any need to mention that it's to do with the past.

Personally I wouldnt have a problem with it and would just let them come. It is highly unlikely that a married woman when asked how she knew the groom would reply 'oh we used to sleep together'. It doesn't sound as though your OH thought very much of their relationship and so don't think you should either.

I wouldn't want her there end of. I don't care if it is unreasonable if it bothers you that's all there is to it. It's your day if it would upset you it is a no brainer to me !

Sorry, this made me giggle. There will be 2 so called ex's of my OH at ours but like your OH, it was silly fun many years ago! I don't even think about it and when he told me (quite recently) about these drunken shenanigans I found it all very entertaining! He's with me after all and they meant nothing to him. Same way you should feel. Both have moved on and settled with their true loves ?

This is really rude! I'd actually probably not invite people on these grounds! The cheek!

I don't think she'd tell people they slept together and that's why she's there. I'd feel more uncomfortable if they had had a proper relationship longterm and not just a little fling.

I can't really see a reason to fuss. as the guys have already said it's not like she's spent her life pining after him, she's moved on, just unfortunate that it has to be one of the grooms mates, causing this issue.

Other point is is that there's usually so many people clamouring for the brides attention at a wedding it's possible you won't even notice she's there.

Sorry but I wouldnt hear of it myself!! And Im sure my OH would feel the same.

Having said that she is now married and as you say all has moved on.

And what Trickers said how rude of the friend to ask!!?

Did you go to their wedding?

It would't bother me. And that's assuming I know who the ex-girlies are. But that's irrelevant to how YOU feel at YOUR wedding. People are different and nobody would judge you for feeling bad about this issue.

Yep, this is how I feel. PLUS I think it's rude to invite yourself! So I would just say there is no room and even if there was, you wouldn't be comfortable with her attending... it is YOUR wedding at the end of the day, you should feel comfortable at your own wedding even if other people think you are being a bit unreasonable!

For me it'd depend on who it was, but the main thing is that you are the one he is marrying - and it's not like his ex is the one who asked for an invite.

Mind you, my ex is one of the ushers!

It doesn't matter how they knew each other, if her presence would make you uncomfortable then you're not being at all silly for not wanting her there.

H2b and I had to have Big Discussions (read: blazing row) because he wanted to invite one of his friends who just happens to be his first ever girlfriend (in every sense of "first"). She and I do NOT get along and she's been incredibly rude to me in the past. He and I talked it through and agreed that it was for the best that she didn't come. I'm very grateful that he's been so sensitive to my feelings and he's relieved to have not had to deal with a year of me chewing his ear off and whining about her. Everyone's a winner! Except her.. but b*llox to her ;-)

It depends which part you're asking if you're unreasonable about!

If you don't want them there because you don't know them well and/or because they rudely asked why they weren't invited, fair enough.

If it's because your fiance slept with her years ago and everyone has moved on, then I do think you're being a tad childish. Childish or not though, it's entirely up to you whether they are there, it's your wedding after all.

At least your fiance is on your side. If he's happy for them not to be there, I can't see there's an issue. It's a bit more difficult if he's actually said they could come to the evening and that he would simply formalise that by giving them an invitation. If he has to undo that by saying it's because she makes you feel uncomfortable, I can see all sorts of issues arising in future social scenarios.

? just made me actually 'Laugh out loud'!!!!

Thanks ladies, i appreciate your opinions!

i think it is also the fact that OH never really speaks to this 'mate' who seems to have guilted OH into giving him an invite, im pretty sure that OH doesnt really want to invite them!

i might broach the subject of "do u really want them there, if not, lets not be guilted in to inviting them" and see what he says!

nope, the first time i met her (at a kids party) she was heavily preggers with first baby! I'll check with OH if he went to theirs but im pretty sure he didnt!!

this is very true, thank you!

thats the thing, we never socialise with them, last time we saw him was at a kids birthday party, b4 that we were at a friends house an they poped in to drop off our friends kids birthday pressies!

the more i think about it, the more i dont want to invite them as they arent really our friends!! ?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's perfectly understandable not to want someone at the wedding who's been intimate with your H2B and I think you're quite within your rights to say no based on that alone, regardless of any other reasons there might be to not invite the two of them.

One of my OH's ex's was at our wedding. He was with her for about 3 years at uni. To me that in itself is not an issue.

However I can understand this being an issue for you not because of the fact she is an ex but because:

a) You are not close to them now (we see the ex I mention regularly and I get on with her)

b) The decision has been made without talking to you first

I don't think you are being unreasonable not wanting them there in the circumstances.

I can completely understand you not wanting her there - if you were friends with her/him then not a problem but the fact you don't even know or like them very much then tell them no!!

I wouldn't have my OH's ex there but to be fair he has a child with her and she is a pyscho!! She has insulted/bitched about me many a time in the past so if she even thought of stepping foot anywhere near the wedding then I would get her kicked out (I would love to do the kicking!!)?

Stick to your guns, tell OH how you feel and tell them to sod off!

I personally wouldnt have anyone OH slept with at our wedding - it'd make me uncomfortable - not know why!
Hes never had a proper girlfriend before - just 'things' lol

There are a couple of friends that will be at our wedding who ive 'seen' but not slept with - including the best man lol but obviously OH knows who they are and they will all be attending with their partners so thats no biggie.

I suppose im completely different. We have both got people coming that we have had a "thing" with, but we are still friends with them, so i suppose your situation is different as you dont ever see her. Everyone has a past and sometimes it can make you feel uncomfortable, but who he is marrying, you or her?! ?

I have a similar situation, but perhaps it's me asking too much of OH! I went out with a guy when I was 19 for 2 months - barely anything. OH and I got together when I was 23.

A couple of years ago, I became friendly with a group of girls, including the ex's girlfriend, who he got together with at around the same time as I got together with OH. She's a lovely girl and I would definitely want to invite her to our wedding and him as her plus 1, not in his own right, but OH is very uncomfortable about it. We've got ages yet, but they've just got engaged and I know we'll have an invitation to their wedding, which is before ours - haven't told OH yet!

In response to the OP - if she was asked why she was there, surely she'd say "I'm so and so's wife and he's a friend of the groom's" not "I slept with the groom many years ago"!

I don't think it's being unreasonable or childish, whatever reasons you have for not wanting someone at your wedding are completely valid in my opinion. My OH and I are both good friends with the sisters of our ex's. We both said it would make each other uncomfortable to have them there so they are not invited. Other people might think that unreasonable, but I don't want her there, he doesn't want my ex's sister there... end of!

There are two girls coming to our wedding that I know my H2B has been intimate with (although I don't think he had sex with either of them) but to be honest I really like both girls and one of them is a really good mate, so as long as we are both happy with the situation, I think that's all that matters.

If you don't want her to come, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then your H2B should understand and that should be the end of it. Like the others said, it's damn rude that they've invited themselves anyway.

I wouldn't bother, like you said your OH hardly keeps in touch so what's the point - it could open a huge can of worms - they may want to keep in touch after the wedding. I think you have enough on your plate without having to worry about his ex coming in the night. Nah, stick to your own close friends hun and don't let it spoil your special day xx

I went to a wedding recently where the bride had slept with the best man and one of the ushers lol! It was years and years ago when they were in there late teens but they were fine with it, the ex's brought there partners aswell, me and OH found it hilarious but bride and groom seemed ok with it. It happens sometimes especially if you hang around in a big mixed group from being kids then maintain that friendship through the years. I really wouldnt think tiwce about it to be honest.

Hey Mrs Bass,

I dont think you are being stupid at all. If i was in the same situation I would be the same. Plus the fact that neither her or her partner are particularly good friends with your OH, I cant see why you would bother making yourself feel uncomfortable with no gain!

I say speak to your OH and calmly expain how you feel, I am sure he will understand and not be that bothered anyway.

As a guy, I don't see anything of any concern. However you could create an issue from a non issue.

Putting my girlie hat on, (I love pink), I can sympathise with you. But she has kids, is married, has her own life. Kids especially change peoples lives and I would be very surprised if there was anything at all latent there anymore.

The fact your OH doesn't really speak to him these days is more of a reason not to invite them. Weddings are expensive, less is always more.

If it was me i'de tell her to gtf! If she is there and the thought of her being there bothers you...obviously it wil on your big day and thats not what you want! I personally would never, under any circumstances, have one of his ex's at the wedding simply because it would be awkward and they arent friends anyway :L lol x

I think it's a little ott to be honest.

On the night time do we've got one of my h2b's ex's attending, with her partner. However, i understand that h2b as moved on, she is from his past (and in my opinion a bit of a slapper anyway lol) but it's not going to ruin my day. just because she'll be there for a time, does not mean that i have to sit all night and socialise with her.

Your oh has clearly moved on, and i wouldn't let the attendance of an ex put a downer on your day. Your oh is there to marry you, and thats what you need to not lose sight of xx