Am I In the wrong?

Dress: I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you want to move your dress to a smoke-free house (maybe don't mention that a demon child might also ruin it)!

In terms of handling her "suggestions", cna you nod politely and ignore her?

Your wedding, your hair, your dress. Not hers. Nuff said?

Of course, friends and family are more than welcome to give their input to any aspect of the wedding planning that you ask them for help with - however, ultimately the final decision rests with you and your OH alone.

Is she chiming in on absolutely everything, or are there some things she's said "that sounds nice" and left it at that?

I wouldn't want anything expensive and/or precious in a house with a smoker, and that's even before assuming the child doesn't know how to get into where it's stored. I'd get that moved as soon as possible, and if she kicks up a fuss tell her sorry but you've made your decision and that's it, end of?

I don't think you're turning into a bridezilla necessarily... however I do get the feeling that you may need to rethink your moh...

I'm sorry, but the statement 'you don't want that, you want this' REALLY gets on my nerves. I do want that, i suggested it, if i didn't want it, or subsiquently changed my mind, it's because...guess what....i wanted to.

grrrrr really riles me up.

I now live by the mantra 'My Wedding. My Way'

I'd mention that you're a little on edge about the dress being there and that your MIL2B has said it's ok to have it at their house. This way your Mum will know it's already been agreed and can't really say no.

If she kicks up a fuss, then this would be the best time to raise your concerns about her input into YOUR day. Mention how much you value her opinion and views, but in the end you have a picture in your mind how you'd like your day to go...

Thank you for all your help and support, I have now decided to move my dress to my MIL2b house and my sister (MOH) was ok with it as i said MIL2B knows a seamstress who can alter it for me. I have now decided to go with what you have all said and that it is MY WEDDING MY WAY! Even my h2b isn't that interested so I'm going ahead without him on most things and just telling him whats going to be happening and he seems ok with that. even though it still upsets me that he dont seem bothered.

21St April 2012 countdown

Read around on Hitched and you'll find that most guys aren't that bothered about the details of the wedding, they're just happy to turn up and go through the "I do"'s and be done with that.

For many years we've been bombarded with "it's the bride's big day", the bride's family are usually far more involved in the arranging of things (such as sending out invitations on the couple's behalf), and us guys have in many ways almost been relegated to an accessory rather than accepting it's our big day too and we should have an equal say in all of the arrangements.

On top of that, the bride is often more interested in the detal, such as favours ("just give everyone a beer"), table plans ("let everyone sit where they like, it doesn't matter"), the hymns ("nobody will know them so it doesn't matter which ones you pick") whereas often the groom shows more interest in things like getting a sports car to drive himself and the best man to the hotel and what the bar prices are like, which the bride doesn't usually consider important.

I'm a bit strange and have got involved in pretty much every aspect of the day except what my b2b is wearing on the day - we've discussed lots of things and I've done some of the 'production work' like sorting out the invitation database and designing the invitations, simply because I have computer skills my b2b doesn't, but we've done them together. Her mum has got a bit narky several times because I'm taking an interest in arranging our day - so we can't really win whatever we do, showing interest or not.

I guess really your h2b has two choices - either he sits down with you and helps plan things, or he ends up with things he may not be happy with (such as if you chose pink and wanted him to wear a pink tie, for example) as a result of his disinterest. Even if he's not bothered about table plans and colours etc, I'd have thought it essential he had input in your guest list, working out a budget, etc etc.

Maybe it's just me, but I won't make any decision without running it by OH first! It's not just 'My day', it's 'Our day' and I don't want him to remember it as the day I made him waste money on unnecessary costs, or horror of horrors, wear pink! It has meant that things like favours have been replaced by extra alcohol, centrepieces for balloons and wedding cars for taxis, but I'm happy with every decision because we've made it together. ❤️

I don't think thats strange AJ. My OH has been involved in everything too - including my outfit as he'll be the one who has to get me in it!

I think grooms should be involved in all the important things when planning their wedding. Maybe they don't need to go bridesmaid dress shopping, or fret over whether the mums' outfits will clash in the same way us girls do. But big decisions have to made jointly.

This always annoys me when you make these sweeping statements AJ. I don't mean to pick on you but every time you write something like this, it seems like you're making a generalisation about us brides. That may have been your experience for your first wedding and I understand how that must have hurt you but please give us brides some credit. Surely by reading Hitched you can see that we're not all like that?

Most of the brides on here are either a) as involved as their H2Bs or b) are trying to involve their H2Bs but and get upset when they don't seem interested. I think I can count on my hands the number of times that i've seen a B2B on here who says that she's having what she wants and not what they want. Obviously that doesn't include things like dresses and accessories

To be honest I think that Grooms are just as involved nowadays in WP but they don't seem to have the urgency that us Brides have (a sweeping statement i know but it's just the impression i get from here). For example, I try and talk to my H2B about his suits, but he says that it's too early. Which is fine, but I wish he'd at least start thinking about them now! I'd never make that decision for him though, or start researching it for him, because I cant choose what he's going to wear. I might make suggestions when he finally gets round to it though, and he may ignore these!

Sorry for the rant x

WSS. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. I would hate my dress (or any of my clothes) to smell of smoke.

WSS Its your day!!!

Really?!

My OH is getting involved in the big decisions (venue) and sorting his, my (soon to be ours officially!!!) son, and the groomsmen's suits. He'll be coming to any tastings and anything like that - but the details are for me

Some men just aren't interested in the finer details of it. That doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to get married as much as the bride. Perhaps they are thinking about the marriage more than the day itself.

I think there's a world of difference between boys not being interested and boys not being involved. I am the first to laugh that my boy gets no say but that's not really true. He just doesn't care if 1. we have a sign on our dessert table and even less so 2. what that sign says. But I wouldn't just make the sign and not tell him. I don't make decisions without him, I'm just aware that a lot of the decisions are things he is just assenting to for me to be happy.

I have seen first-hand a genuine case of "boy not caring" and it's a chilling and lonely place to be (and agree that maybe it reflects something deeper about the relationship?). I don't believe I've seen any of us post from that position.

OK, for what it's worth, I can understand why you are a bit upset that your OH is not involving himself more with the wedding day... personally, I think that the h2b should be involved (mine is).

I have been to loads of weddings and heard the plans. There are many types, ones where the bride takes over and doesn't let the groom have a say, ones where the groom doesn't want to think about it and doesn't engage with the bride's suggestions and just lets her do all of the work and ones where both bride and groom have an equal say in the planning.

If you want your h2b to become more involved then I would have a chat with him. He is the love of your life and you should be able to talk to him about anything. If it were me, I would word it along the lines of, "I am feeling the pressure doing all of this on my own and I would really love your help and advice."

?

I think that sums it up well.

... and I agree with what the others say. If he is just not bothered about place cards, centre pieces etc I wouldn't be overly worried...

This is great, I'm glad i came on this site.

The OH has now slowly started to show and interest hes just sat with me and worked out a seating plan to the guests we want to invite. Trust my luck though someone will not come and then We're screwed all over again.

He has been involved the ideas of the invites and things its just the physical part he dont seem bothered with.