Am I just being paranoid?

Erm WHAT?!

What was his response to that text?

I have no idea because he deleted the conversation which has made me very very suspicious.

I'll be honest PP, if someone was sending OH messages like that (and we aren't married yet!), I would be livid. Particularly with her...who even does that. That said, I would be pi$$ed at him for egging her on. That's disrespectful to you and your marriage IMO.

Just saw this. What the hell????

I'd be absolutely livid.

I reckon you need someone a bit more level headed than me to give advice on what to do but I'd have to say something.

Does he know you saw that text? Did it come while you were playing bejewelled on his phone? So you 'legitimately' saw it, so to speak?

er this!!!!!!

Yes, you do. This is not normal, not even in the context of flirty people who are genuinely just friends.

Secretive with phone and flirty texts from colleague, whcih are largely deleted? My alarm bells are going full screech here. Sorry chick.

The ONLY mitigating factor is that he appears to be letting you mess around with his phone, suggesting he's not hiding anything. However, he is being incredibly dim if he thinks this is innocent.

This. But perhaps you shouldn't listen to me!! and have a calm, adult, rational talk with him instead!

Yup, I wasn't snooping or anything. I just don't know what to think because I've never had reason not to trust him before.

I've been so calm about it because I've never had any reason not to trust him and he forgave me for some naughty texts when we first got together so I am not a completely innocent party. We did boink last night but I must admit it felt weird.

cos you had this playing on your mind! I think you needa say something, definatly, you wernt snooping as he let you play on his phone, do it as calmly as you can too!

I wasn't paranoid until yesterday.

I feel kinda sick about it to be honest. Where's mini when you need her? Sure she'll know the culprit.

I would not contact her directly. I would ask your husband to do so. You sending her messages to leave him alone will paint you, in her eyes, as a nagging wife and him as a victim.

Tell him what you've seen, tell him you feel that it is highly disrespectful/hurtful and that you want it to stop. He must text her to ask her to stop with the flirty chat, not because you've INSTRUCTED him to stop it but because he WANTS to stop it.

It is not tit for tat, he's not "owed" anything. You are married now, time he behaved like it.

I would say to him

" i was playing bejewwlled on your phone when this message came through, it's a bit flirty dont you think? Have you told her she is being inappropriate?"

Perfect. And watch very very carefully for his reaction.

Have I left it too late though?

Agree. Tell him you've thought it over for a few days and want to talk with him about it.

Also, just to add that it may be a relief for him to talk with you about it. Imagine if he feels the situation is getting out of hand and he can't see how to control it. Maybe he once said something a bit flirty and he's been to scared to do anything because he might look like he's led her on?

I went through something really similar to you PP. He was always so secretive of his phone, if a text came in, he would visibly turn the phone away from me. I called him on it and he said sorry. He didn't do it for a long time. He was very open/would show me if a girl text him (he'd had the number the whole time he'd had a phone so it was girls from college etc) he then lost his phone, got a new number and last year started being over secretive again. It really worried me.

We were going through a really rough patch, I was ill and snapping at him, he was snapping at me, we weren't close, we didn't even feel like a couple. One night he'd fallen asleep listening I music so I turned it off and went to put his phone on charge and I snooped. I'm not proud of it but I'm glad I did it. They weren't naughty or anything but there were A LOT. And the worst thing is they had planned to meet (live opposite ends of the country) I woke him up.

It was a very ugly night but the thing that got me is how calm I was. I explained that if he couldn't stop he would have to leave. If he did stop then I wouldn't be able to trust him for a while. I was so calm (I had planned on waking him up, kicking him in the balls and telling him to leave) but I knew we were more than this. It took us a long time, hes so much more open now. When we went through a rough patch she was 'there' for him.

We actually worked through things and we are much stronger. Its not how I was planning on handling things but it just happened. I was so angry but I knew I didn't want to loose him, hes far too important. Have a talk with him. Like others suggested if he let you play on his phone, he probably has nothing to hide. It's worth a conversation about what you expect of him. I have and will never mind him texting girls who are friends, as I have mostly guy friends. But if got to he stage they were flirty/secretive, I would be seriously unhappy.

Some excellent advice above. I don't think it's too late. You can just say that you've been thinking about it and it's been worrying you. I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of harmless flirting when you're out, but texting actually requires effort in thinking of what to say.

She is being inappropriate and he needs to speak to her, not you.

I would be furious PP, and set to rip both of their effing heads off...BUT agree that the softly softly approach is better at first and more likely to get it all nipped in the bud. Maybe even shed a little tear during the discussion, let him know just how much it's upset you.

If it's the woman that I think it is then I am insulted. she's a and I'm not just saying that because she's after my H.

As I assume most of us are not like "these women", that's a very difficult question to answer!

If I'm honest though, I would rarely blame the third party in this. Most people are completely respectful of others' relationships in the absence of any signal to the contrary. If you chat someone up or tell them they're fit or whatever, the wearing of a wedding ring is completely at odds with the immediate signals you're giving off. Someone who wishes to act on those signals is going to see it as a green light.

PP - have you scouted out his (and her) FB pages?

How disrespectful from both your husband and this woman, i'd be fuming and would definitely be having words!!! Your husband is the one who is married, he should know better!!

PP, it is definitely not too late. As others have said, it will add weight to what you are saying as it will be obvious that it is really bothering you. Try to keep as calm as possible and if you feel yourself getting to emotional, maybe take a few minutes in a different room to compose yourself. You've every right to feel how you do.

His facebook he rarely uses, and she has blocked her wall. I do know that she's PA at his work-place though.

I would be absolutely livid and I would make sure he knew how livid I was!

You give an inch and they take a mile. Just because you trust him, does not give him the right to text and flirt with other women. Intentions or no intentions, it is not acceptable.

You've got some great advice already, which I agree with. You must call him out on this, totally unacceptable on his part and hers!

Agree with whats been said, you need to speak to him and call him out on this, don't go in all guns blazing or he'll get defensive. Play it cool, give him chance to give you what is hopefully a rational explaination.

Not that I have a devious mind or anything but IIRC Mini works with your H? Wonder if she knows who this woman is and might have a little more insight as to whether this is just what she's like with everyone etc?

Definitely agree there has been some brilliant advice so far, I would echo what the others have said about him contacting her not you as someone else said it will just make you seem like the 'unreasonable' wife (Which you most definitely are not!). If it was my H I would be livid too

I'd put the sh1ts up her a bit and send her a friend request on FB. It might be just enough of a gesture to let her know that you're on to her. Stupid moo.