Am I right in thinking this is rude? - Updated on page two

I dont get why someone would send you a save the date if you arent invited. What exactly are you saving the date for?

Being hurt by a good friend is totally on my mind at the moment as my best friend has basically excluded me from every part of her wedding including the wedding party - and seems totally obliviously that Im upset - so I may not be the best at advice at the moment.

Yes it is pretty rude to send a save the date card, and then not to invite you without at least an explanation or an apology. Maybe she is not sending all invitations at once though - we sent a few out first to people coming from abroad. I didnt send out save the dates though.

No hun you aren't. I can't understand why someone would send a STD (snigger, sorry!) then no invitation. Maybe it was a simple oversight on her part, though it perhaps even a mailing issue. She has been polite in thanking you for her invitation, so I think your best bet is to broach the subject with her in a jovial fashion. Perhaps I'm just a naiive optimist, but unless you ask her, you will just brood on it and maybe get to the point of resetting inviting her which would be a shame.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for xx

This is problem number one with sending save the date cards (second problem being day vs evening guests...)

You have to be absolutely sure of your guest list, usually at least a year before the big day! So much can change between sending them and the actual day.

Maybe she had to cut her budget, maybe the invitation got lost, maybe she changed her mind, maybe she didn't have a list of who she sent them too... only she can tell you.

I would just ask her out right.

She sent you a save the date so its not like your being rude by asking and it will cut out all the hard feelings and give her a chance to explain if she is no longer able to invite you.

Oooh awkward. Would she really accept an invite to your wedding, if she had changed her mind about inviting you? Pretty audacious. Not acceptable in my book. As others have suggested, as she sent you a STd card, maybe just ask outright,

We all know what a ****** guests lists are, maybe she overestimated her numbers when she sent out the STD's? But I think the least she could do is call you and apologise and tell you her mistake - especially since she has now had your invite, it would have been the perfect time to say 'Im so sorry, Ive got the numbers wrong and I am going to have to prioritise family, I hope you understand"...etc.

Life is too short, just focus on your wedding and forget about hers - if she is that disorganised, you're probably not missing much anyway! ;-)

xxx

Maybe you are an eveining invite and she hasn't sent them out yet. Maybe it has been lost in the post which is EXTREMELEY likely. What would you want her to do if it was the other way round. I am guessing you would want her to ask you. Not in a where's my invite way! But just in a tactful way.

I think you should ask as if it was lost in the post she might be upset that you haven't rsvped to her! Could you just ask her innocently when she was thinking of sending her invites out? As if you didn't realise she already had? X

Thank you all for your advice, I think I will have to bite the bullet and tactfully ask her!

As others have said, I'd come out and ask her.

I'm going to be really careful about who I send my save the dates to as I don't think it's fair to ask someone to save the date and then not invite them in the end!

I'll be interested to hear what she says when you ask her. Keep us posted!

No you're not being unreasonable. If you get a STD card then you expect an invite... for at least the evening if not the whole event. If budgets changed then she should have just mentioned it to you rather than ignore it. It may well have gotten lost in the post but when she texted you to say she is coming to your wedding then surely she should have said "Haven't heard back from you yet, are you coming".

Definately think you should speak with her.

Maybe she just hasn't got round to giving out all invites yet?

We sent ours out but still have about 10 on the side because we don't know their address / haven't got round to posting them yet.

Or maybe she was doing them in different batches?

Could be evening only - I'm not planning on sending our evening invites for at least another month, thats 6 weeks after our day invites went out.

OK, so I may be about to take back what I said before on this topic - and retractions are ultra rare for me so take note, but just yesterday I was on a Hen do, and one of the girls was laughing about a c***-up the Hen had made with their invite. The recipient and her OH are school friends of the grooms and are very close, and were a little surprised to only get an evening invite. The recipients sent back an RSVP email thanking them for the evening invite, and within 2 mins the groom phoned back saying "why the XXXX are you only coming to the evening????" all angry, so it very quickly became apparent that the poor bride had completely accidentally pasted an evening invite into the cards she's had made!

So it does seem people sometimes make mistakes!

xxx

Well I decided to give it a bit more time in case she was sending out some invites later, and on Monday I received my invitation (to the evening). So all is resolved!