An email to the girls...

Hi Abbyjay,

Can't help with the BM ticket problem i'm afraid but just wanted to say your not alone I too will be drafting a morning timeline list as there will be 1 bathroom with 5 of us needing to use it, and 1 VERY IMPORTANT PERSON who will need quite abit of time to get ready ?.

xXx

What jobs are you asking yours to do out of interest Abbi? All I've though of so far is supply me with tissues!!! lol

I'll be doing something similar - I'm getting married at noon and have 5 bridesmaids - there needs to be a timetable!

With regards to the BM with the train ticket - I think you're going to have to let her sort herself out.

Ermmmmmmm to be honest, if i were a BM id take it as a little bit of a insult, like i dont know what time or where i need to be!! but you know your bridesmaids obvioulsy!!

It depends on your BMs really. I'm not getting married til July 2012 and I've already sent one email to the BMs and our ushers just to let them know details of where OH and I will be staying the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding - but this is because we've invited them to join us a meal the night before as a thank you for all their help in getting us to that point! I've included a few other details too and no one has been offended, in fact they've all been very appreciative and offered up other ideas and help.

This shows there will be a range of views!!

I was a BM for a friend in April and she send an 8 page 'guide to their wedding' to the wedding party and whilst I had a laugh about it as overkill, I didn't really mind (also because it gave me a sneak peek at the table plan!!). I think if you word it well it will be fine

My jobs list, taken from the draft email is as follows:

• Someone needs to look after a small (handbag) bag of essentials (tissues, lippy, etc – I’ve got a suggested list of items) for us all, if someone is feeling especially good would you be willing to put it together (obviously I’ll provide my own lippy, etc.)?
• Someone needs to hold my flowers during the ceremony, please.
• Will someone be happy to take the guest book round at the evening bit to get everyone to sign it? Possibly share this with an usher but otherwise there is bound to be a group of relatives who will miss it.
• We’re going to get some blank CDs for people to send they’re photos back to us so these will also need distributing at the evening do.
• Someone needs to be on barefoot patrol and let them know there’s a flip flop basket in the ladies loos.
• Diverting mum throughout the morning if she starts to get too “excited”
• Making sure my dress is right before I walk in
• Putting the bouquets somewhere safe when we go in for dinner
• Making sure everyone eats something in the morning and gets plenty of soft drinks through the day! (I’m sure plenty of people will make sure we get lots of alcoholic drinks). Please no stumbling down the aisle or heckling in the speeches – you know what I’m like when I’ve been drinking! Also the breakfast isn’t going to be served until 4pm with only 5 canapés each at 2pm so going without breakfast isn’t a good plan.

More than anything they're used to me being a control freak so I don't think they'll be too surprised when they get it!

Love this!!

I might need someone to do this for my mum too

I might feel the same as Flow, but I suppose it would depend on how you're planning to word the email. I too am a bit OCD, but I am being careful not to pee my BM's off, I know that they will come through for me on the day. Whilst I will discuss the timetable/plan for the day with them I'm not sure I'll issue them an email as such, I hope that they have the common sense to just get on with it.

Slightly bridezilla, but it's your wedding... you're allowed to be!

"Making sure my dress is right before I walk in" - personally, I think that's a little diva-ish. Is that really something you can't do yourself?

I think I might feel a bit patronised tbh. I would find a general running order of the day handy so I knew what was occuring when... I would be tempted to ask them to be responsible for certain things individually in person... i.e. Bridesmaid A would you mind holding my flowers once we get into the ceremony room.

I think Bridesmaid's know that they are there to take the stress off you and will know to make sure that you look perfect etc.

But at the same time, they are your friends not ours and if they expect this from you then it should go down fine.

See I have always been under the impression this is a traditional thing the bridesmaids do!

It's hard to make the train on a dress sit right if you're twisting around to do it yourself. My BMs know one of the things I want them to do is straighten it out when I arrive at the end of the aisle!!

I didn't need to tell my BM to do this, she knew.

That's why I thought it wasn't bridezilla to expect it. It was something my BMs brought up in conversation the minute they saw the train on my dress!! So to the OP I guess before sending an email it might be better to have a think about the sorts of things they'll be aware of already - but you know your friends best!

I think I read it wrong!! I thought she meant before she steps into it.. like when you have to step into your dress to get it on??!... If she means walking down the aisle, then that's not bridezilla at all!

My BMs really aren't the types to think about this hence mentioning it! Although I will reword it based on the controversial feedback! Seriously, if I don't spell it out to one of them she'll be in red shoes, different to the ones her dress was fitted to, with blue earrings and will just spend the whole day hanging off 2 friends that are coming if I don't ask her in advance to do a few specific things.

And, yes I meant the moment before i walk down the aisle.

I just think it was worded badly but as I said, you know your friends best.

I'm with the ones that said sorting the dress is a BMs job, theres no way you can do it properly yourself x

I think its a really good idea, wish I'd thought of it actually!

My Chief Bridesmaid has actually asked for a list of things that I would like done. I didn't really know what to tell her so gave her a list of the obvious, which is very similar to the list abbijay posted, My other bridesmaid has two little boys and I'm not sure had thought too much about duties as she is very busy with them and was quite suprised when I mentioned timings and things. I think it helps for people to know what they need to do and as long as it's worded correctly then it should be fine!

Bridesmaids are there to help you during the day. I see nothing wrong with making sure that they know what is expected of them, who is doing it, when they are doing it, and how it needs to be done. Otherwise, how are they meant to know if they aren't told, or remember if they are?

I don't see an issue at all, to be honest. We've prepared a similar things for our venue so they know what needs to be done where, when and how during the day to make sure that everything runs smoothly. For example, they would normally bring the cake out for the wedding breakfast but as we are having speeches and the cake in the evening, we don't need it out till 5pm, plus of course as one of our cakes is buttercream, you don't want it all melting during the afternoon.

Your day, your way, and the only way to ensure that it stays that way is to make sure that your 'staff' (for the want of a better term) are aware what needs to be done.

WSS

I sent something similar to mine yesterday!

We don't have a particularly strict timetable as there are lots of bathrooms and I'm the only one having professional hair/makeup but I still thought they needed to know timings, locations etc and what they need to do when. Unless you're massively demanding I don't think it's bridezilla.

Bathroom rota - worth spelling out including what time hair and make up are arriving. It is important they know what time they need to get up.

BM with a train ticket - TBH if she booked the train on a non-refundable ticket for the day of the wedding without asking what time you needed her there then she has been very silly. I would at least have asked or expected I would need to be there the day before. Her mistake so unfortunately she will need to sort it out.

List of BM 'jobs' on the day - for someone who says they are really OCD I would have expected you to be far more prescripive as Mrs C described "X you will hold my flowers" etc - leaving them to decide amongst themselves is a recipe for disaster because if some jobs are seen as more important than others then they could potentially bicker over them or one might be more outspoken and get all the good jobs and the others don't feel they can say they would like to do something.

Just a word of advice from a former BM who had 'jobs' to do the day before and on the wedding day, whilst they are your BM's and expect to do a certain amount they are also not your skivvy's for the day - I was given the task during the reception with the bestmen and other BM's to keep the buckets of bottles of booze topped up (*they were in a marquee and had bought all their own booze but when the serving staff went home after dinner it was our 'job' to organise this). She had a great reception but we all spent the evening 'working'. I know you have a lot to organise and it is your day but they are also your friends as much as every other guest and you will want them to enjoy themselves as much as all the other guests which means if you expect them to constantly be at your beck and call all evening it is getting a little diva/bridezilla-ish

Just my thoughts as I read what everyone else had to say

x

Personally, im not particularly expecting my bm to do anything in particular. my bm is my sister and has never been to a wedding before, but i chose her because i wanted her. she knows that should i want her to do anything on the day then she'll be there. on the other hand, i originally started out with 5 bm's, 3 of whom had children hat would be involved directly in the wedding party. i may well have been coming up with a plan of action in these circumstances! xxx

I'd say straightening the dress and holding flowers is the CBM / MOH's job. Leave it at that.

Delegate person X to take charge of the guestbook

"barefoot patrol" sounds like you're one of those bouncers in clubs that pounces on any girl who's slipped her shoes off. leave it. All women will at some point visit the loos, most before/during/after dinner so well before the dancing, and will have seen the basket.

Alcohol - OK, delegate one girl to keep an eye on what you're drinking if you want her to, but to extend that to other people is over controlling. Regarding breakfast, get 2 of the girls to be in charge of preparing it for everyone if your Mum can't (although that may be a good diversion for your Mum anyway).

Train ticket - does it really matter? If she's there in time to get her hair/make-up done and get to the ceremony i think that's all you can ask. If you have "tasks" for her beforehand, re-delegate those and make her the guestbook guardian! If she has to leave early the next day, then she will have to pick her things up at a later date. You'll be far too busy with your new hubby looking forward to honeymoon to care!

xC

Ok, update:

For jobs I allocated handbag to one, guest book to another and all the other little things my CBM is going to be in charge of (having tissues, holding bouquet, etc) as she is so enthusiastic about having these traditional roles. I did however phone them about it rather than putting it in an email.

I sent out the timeline email with a few extra little bits of info yesterday and have had a positive response from the girls. CBM actually said she really liked it!

Thanks all for the comments and advice, it has helped loads and stopped me coming across as a B-Zilla!

I still have these things to organise with my BMs and usher, allocate jobs etc. At least you figured out how to say what needed to be said without getting all bridezilla - I'm going to re-read before I start barking instructions....

I think its a brilliant idea!

I work in events so its the kind of thing that i think of automaticly, i also did a time line for the friday afternoon & eve and sat.

also with the timing for hairdresser or tog i put their name and a contact number!

i emailed a copy of this to my mum, CBM (who also work in event so printed of a few copies and highlighted certain parts on her's!) OH and BM!

it was while we were having some photos taken the BM asked a question about the timing for the meal and i said "its all in the run down i sent you"

he hadnt event seent he email and quickly pulledit up on his iPhone with a "oh, this will be handy" comment!