And so the drama begins

Oooh! I've got my invites ready to go next month and now I'm scared to send them!!!!

^^^^^

THIS!

I too got a lot of this. its does crawl under your skin and annoy and stress you to no end. 'only your opinion matters, but-' arggggh I feel for you. sorry to hear you getting this

I feel like replying 'they're not invited for a reason' grrrrr talk about take the fun out of it x

Oh gosh i am dreading this!

We get married in August and are hoping to be sending our invites out in the next few weeks. I've had a comment from one of my old friends this morning about how they're 'only' invited to the evening do.... What makes people get arsey about that?!?! I'd be like "Ooh I'm off to a wedding!!" Not Oh its just the evening do!! Aaaarrrggghhhh

I think every one of us on a budget or with limited space at the venue has been here! You just have to have a moan, have a cry then think 'stuff them!'. It's your wedding and what do they expect you to do???

You CANNOT please everyone, but if you can please yourself that's good start :-)

Hey i've not even sent the invites yet & its already started for me!

One of my friends has asked if I want to re-consider inviting another friend to the day do as well as the night do. This other friend is married with two boys, I've never met the husband or the boys.....I started to feel really, really guilty for not inviting her to the day do....then I had a reality check & woke up. NO! adding 3 people on that i've never met, is not going to happen. I'm happy for them all to come to the night do but that's where it ends!

Or.....Am I being awful?

Not being awful at all.

We sent our invites out last Thursday and by Friday FMIL had received a email from cousins dad asking why they weren't invited. I also got a snotty message that I had one of their childs name wrong.

I admit I was wrong on that one but people are always spelling my sons name wrong or saying it wrong and I never correct them... I felt awful but mad at the same time!

Gah, think I have had it pretty easy though.

x

It does sometimes make you think "stuff it we'll get married on our own" as some people just dont deserve an invite & if we wanted people there (& could afford it!) they'd be invited! Sorry, i'm ranting now.

^^ This 100%! There is always someone that is going to be unhappy.

We had the whole "only" invited to the evening problem, to the extent that people were refusing to come due to this ... It really upset me at the time now i think sod them, they changed their minds though.

My favourite one now the wedding is 10 days away is .... oh sorry i cant attend the day now I am off on holiday for 3 days .... OHs so called friend. Thanks mate just paid for your dinner ... Oh well least the TOG gets fed now.

Weddings really do bring out the worse in people.

Oh goody , can't wait to send my invites out ! One of the next things on the list. Sometimes I don't think people appreciate the cost of a wedding and if you're on a tight budget ( which we are ) then you can only invite so many. I'm not having any children at my wedding , mainly because they've all grown up. And I'm hoping guests that have children will understand why they're not invited and simply enjoy the chance for a day / night out without them. But I also know this isn't simple for all. I know there are a few friends on the list who may be upset at no 'plus 1' but I will simply say that my budget won't allow and I've never even met them. No doubt I'll be back ranting on here when I've sent mine out :-)

People haven't been fussed about us not inviting children (although I think we worded it well on the invite)

I knew we wouldn't please everyone but I am surprised at how open and honest people have been about it all. Oh well at least the people that haven't made a fuss will stay on my xmas card list haha

I've had the same thing and my invites haven't gone out yet either!

Half of my mums family said to her 'oh that will be a nice wedding, looking forward to that' automatically expecting a day invite despite the fact I haven't seen them for around 5 years and they make no effort to keep in contact with me whatsoever e.g. they don't even know where I live, what my married name would be etc.

To make matters worse have been putting pressure on my nan and asking her if they're invited to the whole day, I didn't send them STD's so this is a clue!!

Our invites will go out within the next couple of weeks.... and I'm dreading it.

I feel your pain. We've invited my OH's cousin and uncle who live abroad (different countries) to the whole day due to the distance they are having to travel but only invited his other cousin (their daughter/sister) to the evening as she lives locally. Our package caters for 75 and we're already over at 90 so to invite her and her family would have been another 5 plus no other aunts/cousins are being invited through the day. She has well and truly spat the dummy and said she isn't coming at all. It didn't bother me at all- I was just worried it made her other family feel awkward but they said they didn't care. In the grand scheme of things we've been ulucky though as I've heard of horror stories with family politics.

I am nodding my head with a wry smile as I read this thread. I tried to warn my OH that planning a wedding shows you the worst side of people but I wasn't fully prepared for it myself. Leaving the day of the week/time of year/civil-not-church-ceremony type comments aside, we've had OH's cousin getting narky about her boyfriend not being invited to the day and OH's dad asking if he can bring someone to the wedding 'to talk to' (seriously?)

I expect it will get worse once the invites go out since we have both dropped family off the list who we haven't seen in years. It makes me so angry when people assume they are invited. We decided early on to pay for the entire thing ourselves so that no-one got to have a say apart from us, but not everyone can do that and if relatives are making a contribution then they should still respect the wishes of the Bride and Groom but if only eh?

No doubt this thread will be full of updates in the coming months....

I was very lucky and only had one guest do this. The answer was a stern no. I don't want him coming let alone his other half but because he is OHs friend I had to give in & let him come as it is.... There is no love lost between us because of stuff this guy has said in the past.

I also had OHs cousins ask if their other hales could come. As they're family (although not close) we decided to say yes.

It's really difficult but we made our own invitations and in the information section added something along the lines of 'regrettably due to numbers, only the above named guests can be accommodated' (I think we worded it more nicely than that but you get the idea) so that there was no ambiguity about plus ones or children. However we did also call or message in advance anyone we thought might have to manage the expectations of, so that we could explain our rationale.

For example, we did have children at the wedding but I have a number of friends with 2-3 children apiece so I had to limit it to children of family only, otherwise the numbers would have been through the roof. I spoke to all my 'mum' friends and explained this to them and without exception they said they were happy to have a day to themselves anyway. And some cousins were given the option to come on their own for the day and / or come with their plus ones and children (where applicable) in the evening so they chose which option suited them best.

Some people may still have moaned behind my back (I don't know if they did or not) but I felt I was as accommodating as I could be without opening the doors to unmanageable numbers. I don't think some people realise how hard it is to manage the guest list at weddings - I know that before organising mine I didn't appreciate it - and to the OP I think it's good that you stick to your guns, some people perhaps don't realise how cheeky they sound.

Oh yes!! The joyous politics!! Really does well to burst the excitement bubble doesn't it!

mine started as soon as people found out the date! A woman I used to work with apparently went straight to her boss and booked the day off. (It's a Friday) Except I left the company 10 months ago and haven't actually heard from her since!! Another girl from the same company I used to be really close to but since she met her oh half a year ago I have actually only seen 3 times and one of those was just before she admitted she was seeing someone! And one when we bumped into them at the fair! Neither of these ladies received save the dates so am really hoping that they begin to take the hint :-/

and then there's my mum, who really doesn't think that it's appropriate for her to not have a plus 1 as mother of the bride?!??!?! What the hell?!?! I don't actually like her best friend (she turns everything to be about her and don't think she treats my mum fairly) so when asked who else she would suggest she bring she said "we'll I might have met someone by then!!"

and then there's my best friend. (Not mob or bm as not having any adult maids) who I thought was behind me and agrees with my feelings about all the above people, who turned round to me last week and said "I think I need a plus 1" really?!?!? Oh ok then I'll knock yet another member of the family off the list so you can bring someone you've never met shall I???? (Only having 40 day guests so it's really tight but all above have been offered an evening invite for someone!

And all this and my invites haven't even been made yet!!

what I am saying is.... I feel your pain!!!! Weddings really do bring out the worst in people and I just don't get why?! Xx

Dont feel bad - I believe this just goes to show just how distant this person is!!!

They should just be lucky to be getting an invite after all, if their name can escape you they obviously aren't in your life very much!!! Some people!!!

My invites went out a few weeks ago, 14 days guests and 8 evening guests so far have rsvpd (although we had text and facebook as an rsvp option to make it easier!)

No word from either set of parents yet haha.

My friend is also getting married in august and i received her invitation the other day, sent the rsvp and menu choices straight back to her same day with an excited to text to show enthusiasm as that is what I would have liked the day we hand delivered ours

So easy to be thoughtful when you are in the same boat hey?!

My eldest daughter asked me if her brand new bf would be invited so I pointed out that they've only been on a couple of dates so it might be a bit soon to be asking. You'd have thought I'd said something horrendous from the reaction I got!!