And the in laws strike again...*updated*

I would be blocking them from my email account. Or, if that's too extreme, you could create a separate folder entitled 'c unts' and create a rule to your email account which will mean that any mail coming from FIL or MIL will automatically divert into that folder, so you don't have to see it in your actual inbox. It's not as extreme as blocking altogether, and allows you to look at the mail as and when you feel ready. I do think you should try to ignore it as much as possible. Unless there's something you're missing from these stories, I can only conclude that these people are bitter and twisted lunatics. You poor thing. ? I am so very sorry about your sad news too. ?

I can't believe the room saga is still going on this long after the wedding. I am sorry you are still having all of these problems, and even more sorry to hear about your sad news. This can't be helping you both. I think LouM is right about trying to ignore them, but it doesn't sound like they are making it easy for you or H and that seems incredibly unfair.

Both of you take care and say hi to M for me.

TG

Thank you LouM.?

I can honestly, hand on heart say that I have told it as it is. It all stems from them accidentally being put in the wrong room at the wedding and then being unhappy with replacement (which they have had numerous apologies for and I offered to reimburse them) and they have built it into a big conspiracy theory that I hate them and didn't give them their "status" at the wedding. They then overeacted in a rather OTT way which I won't go into again!?

The way I see it, I have apologised for any part they think I played in it. However they refuse to apologise for the nasty, vile and unnecessary comments that they have made since as they honestly think its acceptable to do that in an argument. Yes fair enough in a fit of temper, but not when you actually sit down and write it all out in an email. Even then I would be apologising once the red mist had passed!

I just hate the way they go via Mr K to get at me as it really upsets him. Especially at this time of year.

Emails have now been directed to the junk folder - it seems a fruitless excersise to aim for a reconciliation right now.

Thanks TG. Hope you and Mr TG had a lovely Christmas. My mother is doing her Christmas rounds with her wedding photo album and everyone is saying that the photos are fabulous, so thank you.?

Can't believe they are still being complete t wats. I agree with Lou, block them. Don't let them take up anymore space in your lives and get on with enjoying your newly married lives.

Sorry to hear about the mc, the last thing you need is them sh*tstirring. ?

x

Always taking the moral highground and turning the other cheek is rubbish, isn't it ? It takes so much energy. Only you know how much more insults from the inlaws you can take. (Personally, after four months I think they should be getting over it.) I agree - block their emails. (I would suggest telling them that if they're going to be abusive that you're going to block them - but chances are, they'll find another way to get to you.) Life's too short.

Sorry that they're being rubbish - and sorry for your recent loss. ?

I can't beleive they are behaving like this Katamari , especially given your recent loss and the fact it's christmas. I think the only option you have for your own well being is to ignore them as much as possible. I feel sorry for your H as well, it can't be easy having parents like that. x

Well we are off out to the pub in a little while and intend to get pleasantly squiffy and forget about them for a while.

Thanks for letting me rant and for your kind wishes. I don't want to rant to Mr K as he is feeling crap enough already and if he sees me lose my "brave" face I think he will just flip and I don't want us dragged down to their level. Hitched has been a godsend - you are so lovely.?

The emails have just been directed to the junk folder which gets emptied regularly and we are moving house next week. New year, new start etc. Thanks again.?

Hope they groe up soon and you leave you be.

At least now you have sorted to emails to go into junk you might have some peace and can ignore them.

Hope the move goes well!

They're beyond unreasonable anyway but to carry on in light of what you've been through recently is unforgivable. Rant away and have a ?

You have my sympathy - we are going through something similar and my future in laws caused a row yesterday and probably won't be at our wedding on Sunday even though we would love them to be there (very very long story that has been going on for the last 8 months).

I have gone to the lenghts of blocking a certain member of the family's email from my account as every time I saw an email from this person it made me feel ill - as others have said, maybe that's the way to go so you don't have to face the abusive emails.

I can't believe they are being so unreasonable about a mistake over a room - that is bizarre and to still be going on about it now is madness, especially when you have had such a difficult thing to deal with in the last few weeks.

I know what you mean about taking the moral highground/turning the other cheek being difficult but I wouldn't reply to the emails. After 8 months of not getting involved I have recently found myself party to a couple of heated discussions with the in laws and could now kick myself as I know what I have said will be twisted (mind you, they appear to be making stuff up anyway so damned if I do, damned if I don't!!).

?

Saz I hope your wedding goes beautifully and your in laws don't spoil it. Mine didn't spoil the day ON the day, but we discovered afterwards that they had been criticising throughout the day and making comments to other guests which put a bit of a cloud over it.

I have some fabulously b!tchy insults to throw back at them that will one hundred percent hurt them but I am biting my tongue. Once I start mud slinging I will be just as bad and they can go for even more of the sympathy vote than they are doing with the rest of the family. Actually the fact that I have them and don't use them makes me a better person (although I have repeated them to my best friend in a temper!).

All the best for your wedding - I hope it doesn't turn into a soap opera saga like mine.Eastenders eat your heart out!?

Hi Katamari

Sorry to hear your IL have been at it again!! I can't believe they're still banging on about a bloody room in a hotel!! FFS it was out fo your control and (if I remember correctly) did all you could to rectify the situation for them! I think they need to send the email to themselves and "wise up or grow up"!

I would say send a ranty email back, but then with the situation we've had going on here the past 5 years we've never bitten back and always taken the moral high ground as we are the adults and will not lower ourselves to their immature idiotic behaviour, so really I'd still stick with the moral high ground.

Hope you all had a fab Christmas despite the email and that Santa was good to you and bratski!

?? for the early mc, sorry to hear you went through this and hope you are getting on OK now, if you need to chat about anything just give me a shout.

Lots of luv

Victoria xx

Sorry for your loss. I can't believe they would still be going on about it now, and can't even manage to keep a lid on it at Christmas and in the light of what you must be going through. They obviously don't have any real problems in their life if they can be so petty.

If it helps my H is estranged from his mother and is much happer that way. (She sent H a vicious email saying she never wanted to speak to him again and was writing him out of her will because his cousin misspelled her name on a wedding invitation and H didn't take her side when she said she wasn't going to the wedding!) So yes there are other families out there as bonkers as your lot!

Hope you have a peaceful new year.

(so go on - what's your fantastic one-liner?)

I honestly couldn't say them out loud - I would go to hell!? I feel bad for even thinking them TBH as they are not very pleasant - just like the people they are aimed at!?

Wow - they must be terrible.

hope you never get provoked enough to use them. then again, I think you have the patience of a saint given the amount of crap they've given you already.

Well we have had a barrage of text messages today just because Mr K went round to see his Nan and they can't contact us on email anymore. They have been telling Mr K that he would be better off without me, that they had never known bitter conflict before I joined the family, they don't want me to have the same last name as them. I am sat here crying whilst Mr K is haveing a horrible shouty phone call to them in the other room. I am at my wits end with this - I cannot cope with how vile they are being. They have accused us of being vultures and said he only went to see his Nan so he would get a bigger part of her will - how sick is that.

Block, block, block. Seriously. You need to make it clear to them that until they can apologise for their behaviour and start behaving reasonably, you are not to be contacted. End of. I do feel for you - what a horrid situatuion. Normally I'm all for putting up and shutting up where family is concerned, but this has gone too far imo.

Katamari - i have been following this and many other in-law stories recently and I'm shocked at how awful some of them are - my own MIL tried to ruin our wedding all because we hadn't invited her to the pub the night before (we had and we left mobile numbers to ring if she changed her mind) she text my now husband at 6am on the morning of our wdding to tel him that he had ruined her life and he needed to know that before he walked down the aisle - during the day she would tell anyone that would listen how awful we had been to her (we were letting her stay free in our house for two weks (she is from South Africa)) and refused to be in any photos etc. The following day she started an argument with my husband resulting in her throwing a hot cup of tea and the mug at him! At which point he told her she was no longer welcome in our house and she had until tuesday to leave. Tuesday morning he dropped her at Heathrow and we haven't heard from her since! After reading the stories on here I'm pleased she has decided to cull us.

I have no advice but I admire how well you ahve dealt with it so far

I've blocked them from my phone, but Mr K is reluctant to block them totally as he is worried in case of emergencies regarding his Nan and his Mum. I just can't cope with how utterly vile and pigheaded his dad is being. They have been told not to contact us, we don't want to hear from them unless its an apology for the way they have treated us, but they persist in doing so. I am all for getting the police involved right now as this is harrassment IMO. We wouldn't take this off anyone else, why should we take it off a family member?

And I hate the fact they have made me cry again. Bratski has a friend over for a sleepover and I look like a right state with puffy eyes and streaky mascara. But most of all I just hate the fact that they are pressing all the buttons to make me feel like $hit.

?

You have my deepest sympathies! I agree that you wouldn't take this from anyone else so why take it from them?

I think this problem can't be solved at a family level. I think you need help from outside the family, however I don't know what to suggest. Do citizen's advice help with situations like this? Is there some kind of Family Mediation place that K can go to? I'd almost be tempted to take out a restraining order against them (!), but then H would suffer if something happened to his Nan.

There has to be some organisation that can help with disputes of this kind where calmness and reason have failed. Does anyone know of anything?

What is it that they want from you?

They want me to apologise for the room mix up. Which I have done. Three times. I just refuse to grovel for forgiveness.

The shouty phone call seems to have produced results however. FIL has apologised (!) ro Mr K and has said he is more than happy to apologise to me and wanted Mr K to put me on the phone. Mr K said he would talk to me about it first (he didn't trust that I wouldn't say my killer lines!). Mr K and his dad were on the phone for about half an hour and seem to have resolved things between them.

I don't know what to do really. Mr K is (IMO) being a bit naive to forgive and forget just like that. However I have no wish to a) make them grovel like they would have done to me or b) carry on fueding like a soap opera. I am just really quite hurt/shocked/wary of their behaviour and I am not at ALL convinced of the sincerity of their apologies. I also feel a bit upset that one apology seems to have erased 4 months of utter hell as far as Mr K is concerned. I just do not trust them at all.

I have sent a polite but neutral text thanking FIL for his apology and saying that we will see how things go. I am not willing to just forget about some of the hurtful they said. But then, am I holding a grudge unfairly? Gah - I can't win!?

I don't particularly want such posionous people in my life, but I will look like a right cowbag if I tell them to stick their apology. And I know it would make Mr K happy if I at least made an effort. ?

Well, that sounds like progress and there really isn't any point bearing grudges. I do think though that in situations as delicate as this one, texting is a HUGE mistake and if I were you I'd try to avoid it in future...

I know I shouldn't really have texted as I do think its a bit cowardly, but I was in the upset "zone" which involved huge gulpy sobs which I wasn't about to let FIL hear. Still at least progress has been made somewhat and Mr K is certainly smiling for the first time in a while bless him.

Thank you once again you lovely Hitchers.?

You're right you probably can't 'win' as such. I think you have done really well maintaining your dignity. I guess you have to be the bigger person here and be polite and nice - especially if that makes Mr K happy.

I would still be wary though!

I think you're right to be wary- they sound absolutely vile. How are you feeling now? I think you've done the right thing to acknowledge the reply in a courteous way.

Carrot, I feel curiously deflated. I am honestly not a drama queen or anything, but I had psyched myself up to try and cope with yet another evening of them making things miserable and feel they have somewhat pulled the rug from under me. Then again, they probably couldn't do right for doing wrong at the moment as far as I am concerned. I know I sound like I am complaining they have apologised!?

I am very glad they have apologised, but don't trust them as far as I can throw them. However unless I want to see them playing the victim card for the rest of my life, I am just going to have to suck it up really. The thought of having such poisionous people in my life makes me sick to my stomach, but I shall just have to keep them at a polite arms length and be wary of them.

Hey Kat,

Hope you're felling better now.

I also hope that you can start to put this horrid situation behind you as they have dragged it out long enough now.

As i said before, being the bigger person is hard (especially when it gets thrown back in your face at any given oppertunity by the other party, believe me I know) but in the end they will show themselves in their true colours soon enough (again believe me I know).

Now - this is difficult but do not shed another tear for these idiots, you and Mr K are going through a hard enough time without the out laws adding to it. Please don't let it upset you anymore, they are not worth your time, energy or tears. They have done nothing to deserve even an ounce of respect from you at the moment, and I think you are a truly wonderful, brave lady to have put up with us these twits for so long and still put on your brave face and bite your tongue.

??

Lots of love

Victoria

xx

I wonder if they have done what my ex-in-laws have done? Backtrack 28 years to my wedding to their son, they ordered an album of photos from our day. The photographer had to chase them for about 5 weeks to pay for them. I paid in the end as things were getting embarrassing and they re-imbursed me eventually, lol.

I was married to their beautiful son for 21 years, loving him and being completely faithful to him and watching him drink himself to death. 3 years after he died I met my [present] husband. I rang my MIL to tell her, when we became serious. From that day they have wanted nothing to do with me. She won't come here as she doesn't want to see another man in 'her son's house'!!! Actually it is MY house now and and was OUR house until he died AND the home of her grandchildren.

My children still drive up to see them [200mile round journey] and on the first trip there after I told her about my present husband, the children saw she had cut me out of our wedding photos. They made a decision not to tell me what the in-laws had done, but it came out in conversation the other day. I actually find it quite amusing and just typical of their immature behaviour. My children are really upset about it though, that is what I feel sad about.

They sound very much like your in-laws. There are many many more stories I could tell you that have happened over the years.

Hang on in there, they are your husband's parents and he is the one who will be hurt the most. Trust me you will look back in years to come and have a good laugh about their antics.

Awww Victoria you made me cry a little bit (no one ever called me a lady and meant it!?). Thank you.?

Feel better having had some sleep on it and still feel very edgy about resuming a civil relationship. From the sounds of it they just want to go back to how we were before (we did get on quite well), but I am not sure I will be able to TBH. I can forgive the things they said but don't think I can forget them and how they made me feel.

However I don't want to be the one prolonging this, so will just put a face on and smile politley for Mr K's sake. And make sure he buys me some very nice presents for our new house!

choicey - 28 years of nightmare in laws? I struggled to cope with 4 months!

Choicey, omg, i am astonished at your story! What the hell?! You honoured your wedding vows; til death parted you - and what, you're supposed to have lived in chaste lonliness thereafter evermore - i suppose they'd have had you in widows' mourning garb for the next 30+ yrs as well ?!? Wow - It's outrageous that they should've been so disrespectful to the marriage you enjoyed and treasured with their son. Sure, they're probably just expressing their grief at his loss (in a wholly unreasonable and inappropriate way) but how dare they upset your kids like that? Did you ever pull them up on it? They ought to be told how outrageous and unacceptable and unreasonable and inapproproiate and plain wrong wrong wrong that was.

You should write to them and tell them how far out of line that was. Shocking. Or let me write to them for you!! ?

Hope thing resolve themselves for you Katamari - Your In Laws are often with you a long time and no one wins in a family feud. I don't know the background beyond what's been said here but they sound as if they backed themselves into an indignant corner and couldn't get out without losing face. (like a hissy fit wasn't lost face enough!)

Sometimes weddings can unleash a whole barrage of emotional turmoil and for people who are apparently quite unhinged and probably emotional cripples at the best of times, this can manifest itself in a completely negative way like a tantrum over rooms cos they lacked the emotional intelligence to navigate their way around the appropriate sentiments of the day! My advice: Try (your hardest) to show some pity and understanding on them (for being emotionally stunted) (which in turn will have a small effect of patronising and sticking the knife in a bit which will give some satifaction)

I used to loath my MIL passionately (it was mutual) now we're really close.