Another rant..and progress!

This is true. I've been fighting to make it what we want it to be, but he's not really stepped up and taken some of the impact for me.

I hadn't thought about that. I kept the hot air balloon she made for our engagement but the sugarpaste balloon went mouldy, so we just have the cage in our display cabinet instead. I will definitely have to invest in some sort of preserving spray and a nice box to keep them safe in!

I think the caterer is probably actually the former. She was telling us how the venue "normally" has the tables, despite us screaming we have 2 mobility scooters in attendance and a top table in front of the door was a no-go. We are the first wedding at the reception venue since they went under new management. The staff are really excited about our wedding and ever so accommodating. I think for an informal finger food buffet the ballroom is fine, but because we'll be having a sit down meal too we need the proper tables.

MrsStobe13

I think we can have expectations about our partners sometimes but I'm coming to realise that I'm always going to be more likely to talk about the wedding, dream about it but it doesn't diminish what he is also doing.

You sound like you are very organised. Maybe try and plan something simple like the cinema where you promise not to talk about the wedding to help keep you sane! Good luck!

Great thinking! We tried my parents game a fortnight where the first person to mention the wedding gets tickled. Fine, but my other half has a rough nail and I now have the remains of a graze across my waist! lol

MrsStobe13

Your post has made me realise im not going crazy!! Thankyou.

I have planned most of the wedding on my own. H2B has chosen his own suits with the men and is extremely excited and happy hes picked them and i dont know what they look like. But when it comes to balloons or fishbowls? This song or that song? This order or that order? Hes not interested. In a way i should feel happy that he trusts me enough to plan the happiest day of our lives. A few times ive questioned the big wedding, guests and members of the bridal party are being a pain in the ass and i couldnt be bothered with the hassle but H2B has made it clear he wants the big day! So the fact he chooses to stay neutral about things doesnt bother me, cause he wants this wedding too!!

You mentioned your catering, ive also had problems with companies. The shop i got my bridesmaid dresses from sent me crazy!!!! I have taken the dresses so i dont have to have anything to do with the woman!!!! The company doing the venue decorations also annoyed me and four months before the big day we argued and cancelled. I somehow kept a straight head and didnt loose it and have now gone to a different company. I think we struggle with these companies because thats their job every day month after month year after yeae and were planning THE BIGGEST day of our lives that has to be perfect. To them its no big deal... to us its the biggest deal! Little tip - if your not happy go elsewhere. Dont loose your mind take a deep breath and move calmly on!

Your not the only one questioning your sanity! :-)

Just want to offer some reassurance on the emotional side of things.... You're not on your own!! Whilst I haven't been getting stressed per se, I do fret about every element of the wedding - alot! Lists upon lists, a whole file of spreadsheets, endless sheets of scribbled A4, and ridiculous dreams.

But the one thing I have noticed more than anything is my complete and utter lack of ability to prevent the tears kicking in. Now we are not just talking blubbing at One Born or Don't Tell the Bride.... EVERYTHING seems to be turning me into a pathetic, snot faced jibbering wreck!!!! Ads on telly, newspaper articles, posts on here... Even those usually hideously annoying passed around everyone poster photos on Facebook. It's like being pregnant all over again- unfortunately though my boobs don't want to follow suit lol!

Hey Ho, part and parcel of wanting our big days to be so special I guess..... Just ride with it hun, I'm sure nobody notices your emotional fragility as much as you anyway so they are not likely to be too affected by it. And when we become sufferers of Post Nuptial Depression (love that phrase!!) we can wallow to our hearts content, look at all the lovely photos, bore everyone with our tales of how amazing it was... And pig out!!! Afterall, as OMs we won't need to worry anymore about getting in 'that dress' :0)

Chin up chick xx

Thankyou!! So glad I'm not alone! I tried my dress on again yesterday and despite it being the dream dress I drew when I first got engaged, I hated it. It wasn't the dress, it was me, I just felt I looked frumpy and fat. I think I need to teach my Mum a little about lacing up corset dresses, the corset lacing looks and feels great, but when it's overdone the rolls of back-fat over the top..hidious! More over that that, my hair looked tired and greasy, my skin looked like nothing on earth, my whole face just looked tired. Everything looked so undertoned and with 2 months today to the big day there's really nothing I can do now. I've tried so hard to lose weight but I'm 99% sure that, regardless of what I do, the Pill I'm on is preventing me. I've been on it a year now and it's the only one I can take due to health problems in my family history. I hate it, I avoid junk food and still put on weight, drink water and eat fruit and my weight stays the same. I stay active too, no difference! Combine looking physically fatigued, trying to keep on top of the planning AND the other stresses - I'm just not enjoying planning our wedding!

The tears..oh the tears. Yes hun, I can relate. Once I start, everything just comes out and half the time I repeat myself. Last night I blubbed on about losing my Dad for half hour alone. The thing is, I woke up today and remembered my Nan has heart problems, takes water tablets for it and she's 83! Last night though, it just seemed soo so bad. We don't even know if my Dad has a weak heart yet! Yes I agree, did you see Simon Cowell's Comic Relief wedding? I was in tears! Not just a sneaky weeper, full-blown, waily, snotty-nosed tears. My OH asked me what was wrong and I just said "it's just getting married". As soon as I said it, I laughed. Even to me it sounded pathetic but everytime it happens it just seems so significant! It's funny you mention about being pregnant as I'm on the POP and have found since starting it I seem to be acting almost persistently pre-menstrual. Ahh the boob dilemma, the very reason I asked H2B if I could wear a woman's suit for our wedding instead! lol

I think H2B has notice my emotions and I think he's a bit frustrated with them. It's not that I'm emotional, it's just that as soon as he thinks he's got me consoled and goes to make a cup of tea squeaky snotty me makes a comeback. Like I said before, half of the time I'm in tears before I even know why myself! Now, I have to say, your therapy for Post-Nuptial Depression (and it does exist, Google it!) sounds like an excellent plan. I committed a sin and treated myself to a small box of Quality Street to last me the week, once H2B fished out all the fondants that didn't leave me much. Not wholly complaining, they're too bloomin' sweet anyway!

Anyhoo, I'm trying not to stress anymore. My Mum dropped it on me this evening that she was planing to invite my brother's buddies to our evening reception but you know what? I'm cool with it! H2B is a bit miffed but I'm gonna be enjoying the 80's music far too much to notice them!

Keep smiling

MrsStobe13 xx

I don't think it helps that I'm an At home mum. Wee one is in school now, but for health reasons I've been unable to work for the last 2 years so other than general household chores and helping out at school once a week, I've got time on my hands and have become completely absorbed in wedding prep. Even browsing the net can run into hours each day!!! We only decided in october to get married this June so not a massive amount of time, and as we are on a fairly low budget I have to do alot of online searching for things. I'm not complaining, I love bargain hunting, I just think my mind can become a bit too one tracked, hence the blubbing alot.

So this morning, I drew up all my latest to buy, to organise, to do, to finalise lists... I thought I was pretty much on top of things but evidently not :0/ its a bit awkward just buying what I need as and when I come across it tho as mum is financing the majority of the wedding. While we have done a complete budget breakdown so she knows what to expect to pay for, as she is in Wales and I'm in England she has to do bank transfers to me, and I'd rather not keep asking her for drips and drabs. Because of this, I am limited as to when I can buy things- with only OH working and 4 kids at home, cash is tight so I can really only buy a few bits at a time. Still, we will get there.

Anyway, what this was leading to was that this morning I drew up a daily schedule for myself so that I have time slots for everything, including exercise, eating and one hour only during school time to devote to wedding planning. That should allow me to get mixed re chores done, eat better, live a generally healthier lifestyle and learn my lines for my show in may. I figure having daily structure while littlelegs is out of the way should improve my health and mindset, which should then hopefully show in my appearance by the time we get married. That's my theory anyway so I'm sticking to it lol.

Maybe just allowing slots to planning and others to do something for you might be of benefit?

Anyway, must go- that ironing and bed making won't happen by magic (despite what my lot seem to think haha!!)

Xx

It's mad when you're stuck at home! I've been disabled all my life, had one voluntary and one PT job and got signed off the PT one because travelling 3 hrs a day for 2 hrs of work was making me ill. I've tried to find out about working from home and been through 6 E-opps agencies but none of them had anything I can cope with or offered help & advice on working from home. H2B normally works full-time but his 6-month contract ended in Jan and he's had no luck since. Got an assessment Wed so we're praying he bags a contract there. We've been engaged 3 years but moved in together June 2011, had 4 bereavements end of 2012 so May 2013 sounded good to us. We wanted a Friday wedding cos it saves us nearly £500 on the venue alone! I'm an Ebay girl through and through, got my dream dress for £225 and the quality is astounding!

Odd you say that, I made a list last night of what remains to be done. Emboldened is for me, Italicised is for H2B and underlined is what we both need to tackle. Tomorrow he's promised to contact taxi firms about getting our bridesmaids and ushers around, along with his normal Monday agency job calls. We financed a lot of the wedding but we'd probaly not be planning did H2B not have a redundancy pay, a tax refund and we both had a surprise inheritance. Granted my inheritance is not looking like I'd like it to but our home has had about a month of falling to pieces on me but I'm hoping my bank account will recover soon. My parents decided to pay for our reception so that's saved us a huge amount but we've had to be quite flexible there. I brought all the decorations myself so it's only really the venue, catering and DJ. My Mum is also making our wedding cake so it's all coming along well. We ourselves aren't strapped for cash but we're just making the most of what we got, selling what we don't want on Ebay and making what food we have last.

I've tried schedules ooh so many times and sooner or later it just goes down the pan. Most of my time goes to housework, I also used to swim twice a week with a BM but she's now in a relationship and quit. I also started with my Dad but the water is too cold for his aches and pains so he's quit. I could go with H2B but we'd have to work out times and buy bus fares which rakes up the cost. I could try walking but I have a neuropathic condition which effects my knee and foot so swimming is more or less an only means for me. I think some better bedtimes will help me and getting things done and keeping them done. I don't think I've been open enough with H2B and I told him earlier I don't need "yes! I like that" or "no, not so keen on that". I need "yes/no I like/don't like that because..". I need opinion and help to make this our wedding day. Got a posting box to make up this week, that will keep me out of mischief!

Certainly worth a go! If all else fails some body conditioning might help!

Good luck with that, it's bed-making day for me tomorrow, along with putting shopping away. Know what you mean, H2B seems to think the sugar/tea caddy refill themselves..funny that!

MrsStobe13 xx

I'm perhaps not being wholly realistic in my daily routine thing, but optimism and proaction are my new years resolutions.... I'd end up giving in to my condition too much otherwise and I've got my stubborn head on at the mo lol- I've allowed it to rule me a little in the past so I've put my foot down. Having said that, I'm writing this from my bed as making it did my back in and left me feeling really ill. FMS really IS a pain lol!

So the hours walking a day plus minimum 2hours housework is a goal, but I won't punish myself if I can't do it some days (Tbh walking my wee one the 7mins each way to school kind of does me in pretty often). Positive mental attitude and all that....

I WILL be a slim, radiant, youthful, full of vitality, not-at-all-stressed, completely organised bride come the big day!!! Hahahaha.... Yeah ok!!

Xx

I thought I was..but it seems not!

Ooh that sounds about right. I've said no dark colours at my wedding, I didn't want anyone turning up in a black suit. H2B's is like a slate grey..but the boys have got charcoal? Soo worried they'll look black in the photos! Yep again, the most I got from H2B about decor was when my Mum showed us some clear balloons she got with butterflies and "just married" printed on, and the ones I have for the arch have roses on. he simply turned to me and said "they won't match". That's the most input I've had so far! Other than that, it's pretty much a simple yes/no. The bridal members party situation, you've probably seen my other post, nearly drove me insane! In fact I had a flip out last night when H2B said I couldn't make it perfect and I'd just have to roll with it now. I can and I bloomin' will make it perfect! It has to be, we've been engaged 3 years, too bloomin' long for it to be anything but perfect! I guess that is the reassurance I have in that when I have a minor melt-down and I just shout "screw it" or whatever, H2B tells me not to 'screw it' and reminds me how important our wedding is. It kind of annoys me that he's not onboard more, but just the emotional support when I need it can make a difference. It's some input at least!

Gees that sounds awful! I wish I could decline our caterer but my Mum has paid the desposit and doesn't want to lose £50, so we're stuck with her. I don't like her at all and Mum has said she wishes she'd looked elsewhere first as she wouldn't have chosen her. I think that's the only detail so far that I'm not happy with that's out of my control, other than my bridesmaid's dress situ- at least the other 2 are fine! That is so true I think, they simply talk like it's no big deal, and I'm finding the small your expectations, the less excited they are about you. We're having a £5.5k wedding with about 30 for the ceremony and a further 30 for the evening. A lot of the vendors almost seem confused that we're asking them to help us with a wedding because to them it's not big so they're not excited! As I said before, it has to be perfect! H2B and I have been through a lot together, sorry to sound pig-headed but we should at least be able to have the wedding we want- regardless of the work it's going to take! I think that's the point I'm at now though, I'm like "yeah ok, you know what? That's your problem. Sort it out or step out". No time for whinging now, I've got less than 2 months to get everything done!

MrsStobe13 xx

Ooh hun. I can sort of relate. I suffer with causalgia which some doc's relate to FMS so yes, can somewhat understand. Back when I was 11, I was pretty much normal. I have mild spina bifida and hydrochephalus but other than that nothing was too much trouble. Even my posts cause a complete lock-up in my wrist! My knee gives ust cos and my toe can create the most intense, dull pain and the most random of times. I used to be medicated but docs refuse now so I'm down to good ol' healthy lifestyle, PMI, tolerance levels and (trying) to get people to understand. It does definitely keep me out of work though cos managers ust don't understand. While H2B is out of work too it takes us a day to get all the housework done, so the next day I'm sat around thinking "now what?" lol.

Guarantee you now, if I blasted our lounge this morning that would be me done. I need to run a shedload of Ebay sales down the post office but other than that, It's chores today. Guarantee you by the time shopping comes at 1 I'll be led up unable to move. It looks and sounds lazy, but people just don't understand the genuine pain some people have to live with. Do you suffer much with people calling you a fake or a fraud? I've been called faker by oh so many people, they get the shock of their lives when my limbs turn a horrible temporary bruised colour. It's not like I can control that, is it? lol!

Yeah...I keep promising myself that, too. I fell asleep at 12 last night, 5:50 this morning I woke up. Had me a cuppa now I've got some chores to do. We chose our first dance last night and let me say this, the advice online is amazing! We printed off the lyrics of 16 songs we liked and yellow-lighted the lyrics we liked, and pink-lighted the ones we didn't. The song we were going to have as our first dance (Trisha Yearwood- How Do I Live?) was full of so much lyrical negativity and uncertainty that we've now since scrapped it and we're going for Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me. It's a true reflection of our relationship, I've done miracles for him (so he keeps telling me), and he's made a whole world of difference to me! Seriously, all I can say is when you come to choose your first dance...give it a whirl, you'd be surprised how useful it is!

Right..onwards and upwards! Heck knows where I'm gonna start but there must be some place I can begin!

MrsStobe13 xx

I must say I've also had my fair share of problems with the wedding party. I asked two people to be my bridesmaids as a gesture of goodwill really, at first they were happy but now they're not! At first they told me they weren't coming on my hen party, then they told me how they're having their hair (even though i'm paying for it) I had to find new dresses because they didn't want the same as bridesmaids 1 and 2, I had to go shopping for the dresses when they wanted not when I did (again yes I am paying for the dresses!!) Finally their dresses arrived and one had put on too much weight and the dress didn't fit so we ordered ANOTHER! When they try on their dresses they look the most miserable people on the planet. We have paid for EVERYTHING, they've not had to put a penny to being a bridesmaid, they could at least be a little more appreciative! They're having their hair and make-up done, they have dresses, shoes and jewellery, they're having trials too! The works.

Last year my H2B best man's psycho girlfriend decided she must get married before us. God knows why like I said - psycho! She did it slyly and asked who my photographer was, what car I had etc. etc. and then went and booked them all and then told me they were getting married before us. She also added that "everyone will think you've copied me now" she was an utter *** about it until the lead up to her wedding! Since that, her and her now husband have got married (in Dec) he's already strayed and they're on the brink of divorce. One of those good old love stories. But now the best man has nothing to do with my H2B, he doesn't text, they used to golf together every Sunday now nothing! I said to the H2B pick another friend who won't just ditch you, but he feels he has to stay true to his friend which is fair enough, it is his choice afterall! I can't help but want to defend my H2B as he would defend me!

I'm also determined to be less stressed out by the wedding, but have you noticed if you have a week of no stress something drastically goes wrong? LOL. It's all good fun. I suppose the sad thing is I can't wait for my day to be here now and get this stress over with. Although I have LOVED planning my wedding, i've not loved the people surrounding it quite so much. If I could plan someone elses wedding I'd be happy, but mine people seem to stick their nose in and moan about your choices to where you feel like saying STUFF IT! HAVE IT YOUR WAY! I suppose it's easier to say that than a full blown argument over some stupid centre pieces or something. At the end of the day though, it's OUR day not theirs! I'm a real push over, people walk all over me but lucky for me my H2B is the complete opposite. If he doesn't want the balloon he will tell you that he doesn't like it and we're not having it. He's already tried getting rid of the two bridesmaids causing stress ha.

xxx

Crikey! I've had a BM who was a little like that. I showed the girls some nice dresses that were only £30 and said I could afford accessories, hair, make-up etc. At first they were happy but then started saying they were a bit old, so I lashed out on some satin ones with a sash. They all love those, except a few weeks ago I was greeted with "are we having a bolero or something?" Ummm..what?! They were all told if they had the satin ones I definitely couldn't afford to accessorize them, but they chose to have the better dress.now they want accessories. Sorry, money doesn't grow on trees!

Oh my goodness! What a vile woman! We went to a wedding last year and for months, years even the bride had banged on about how her wedding was going to be the best ever and she was really snotty if I said anything about mine. We got invited to the wedding and..well..it really wasn't all that. She's confirmed that she's coming to our wedding but she's let H2B down so many times before I really don't think she will. Again, funny you say that as I'm sure her groom is not nearly as committed as she is but it's not by business to say so. I've been out on the town a few times with them and just seems more interested in the other women than he does her. With H2B he hardly leaves my side save for fetching drinks! lol. If H2B and his best man aren't close it's probably better to make the cut. This is why our awkward usher wasn't picked as best man- he doesn't contact H2B unless he wants something- that's not what a groom needs! It's his choice at the end of the day, but he can still be true to his friend and have someone else as his Best Man. He needs someone who will be able to fulfill the role right up to and after the big day.

Ooh yes! Couldn't tell you the number of times I've thought "right, that's that done", only to notice a mis-typed surname or a smudge of gold ink and have to redo things. I'm making a card posting box at the moment, only flaw in the plan is that I noticed my Mum had stolen the very pretty flower arrangement I made to go on top to make a garland for our wedding cake. She distructed my hardwork, right before my very eyes! I was heartbroken but I decided not to say anything, I have plenty of spare flowers so I'll just have to get creative again at some point. Amen to that! I just keep telling myself 2 months time I'll be in Dawlish lol! Not tropical I know but H2B and I both have a poor background so when it came down to an expensive honeymoon we both actually felt out of our comfort zone. I find that exactly, so much of my wedding seems to be much like what my parents had because they see that as a wedding. I realise they're paying for some of our wedding so they get some say, but I'm trying to make it not feel 1980's and it's starting to feel..well..1980's. I'm happy for them, they've been married nearly 27 years but it's not the look I'm after. That's true and I've tried standing my ground so many times but each end everytime I'm wrong about my own wedding so it's easier just to bite my tongue and keep my opinion to myself now. I think that's my problem too, I back down too easy under pressure. End of the day I think I'm just going to accept it as it happens- at least we'll be married! Lol wish my H2B was the same, he's put off so much and I'm really beginning to worry now! I need him to talk to our nightmare usher and he just won't!

xx