Any help chopping off guests...?!

This is a super hard thing to do, however me and OH went through with the idea for the day if we would not buy them dinner then we would not invite them to the day part of the wedding, cut down quite a few people.

I’ve seen a few flow chart things that ask you questions to help you with cutting people, this is one my wedding dress shop posted on their FB:

Does this help at all?

Wow that's tricky, i don't really know what to suggest if he won't budge. I'd just tell him it's the most important day of your lives and you only want the people there that really mean something to you both. You don't want to be meeting a lot of new people for the first time on your wedding day! Just because his family don't usually have a day / evening split doesn't mean that you can't. Who cares if you do offend some people that you never even see?

Thanks Lui, that may be useful. We've said we're sorting it once and for all tonight, we really need to get invites out ASAP! It's just so difficult. He's hoping lots will decline but we just can't take that risk, I'm sure it would be a hell of a lot more awkward to phone people and tell them they are un-invited!

Blissballoons - I agree, I don't care who I offend to be honest, it's my day. (well, our day!)

He has to comprise, you have to cut it down! You dont have a choice lol

In my opinion having no kids would be the best thingl that's what we did. Good luck!

TBH if the kids are in a separate room for the ceremony and the breakfast, what is the point of inviting them?

If I was you I'd leave it to your OH to decide. He's the one who has to drop people - the venue isn't going to suddenly get bigger.

As for the 'his family don't do evening guests'. So what. Times are changing, and this is your wedding. You have chosen a venue you love and with that comes compromises. Presumably you knew the capacity when you booked it. Your OH is just going to have to deal with it.

Another point - how old are the children? You might find that some parents will object to being separated from their children. This may cause you more grief than not inviting them at all.

I'm not anti children - we have about 15 coming - we only invited those we have an active relationship with. Others with children have accepted that.

It was my compromise really to have the creche, I was hoping it might deter some people from bringing children? But I knew that others would want to bring theirs. I wouldn't mind if there were only say 10 or 15 children, but there are 40 on the list, ranging from babies (newest being born at the weekend) to all ages. I think it would be chaos, loud and not what I'd want on my wedding day.

I think the theme here (which I kind of knew) is that he's just got to bite the bullet, as you say, the venue won't grow, he'll just have decide.

Just to throw a dilemma in the mix, I would still want my two nephews as page boys....!

Is that really unreasonable ha ha...

I don't think that that's a dilemma - if they are in the wedding party then they should obviously get an invite! I am with everyone else, if you're having a creche anyway and the children will therefore be separated it just seems silly having them adding onto the numbers. I would bite the bullet and say no children (other than wedding party) and if their parents dont like it you can take them off of the list too! Probably harsh but it's YOUR day, not anyone elses and they should respect your venue constraints and wishes!

I don't think it's terrible to have your two nephews as page boys but not invite any other children.
I'm having my niece as a flower girl and we've not invited any other children at all.

If your worried that it will be loud & chaotic and ultimately not what you want on the day, then don't invite them ?

I can sympathise with your OH as I also have a large family and it was difficult trying to decide who to invite to the whole day and who to invite to the evening do, but nobody got offended.

We are inviting my nephew only. My close friend will have had a baby 3 weeks before and we haven't invited them

In the nicest possible way, he's going to have to cut people off the list!

If you're over capacity you don't have a choice. I also wouldn't rely on people declining, what if they all accept?!

Thanks for your help everyone. I stopped by to see his mum after work and between us we got the list down to about 115! The woman was nothing short of ruthless but hey it's her family, I don't mind! We've decided on no under 2's and no partners who are less than 2 years (into the relationship) as these weren't on our initial list when we got engaged. Also, his mum is going to contact the people she invited and tell them it was a mistake.

Hopefully, we'll have a little room to play with and we're not 100% sure everyone will come yet so fingers crossed it'll all work out! At least we can fit the current list into the room ha ha ? The no kids option was a no go as it became very obvious that she'd already told people their children were invited - not too bothered, it just would have been simpler for the list that way.

Felling much more positive

Just to put it out there...although the creche sounds like a great idea i think you will find a lot of parents wnt leave their children especially babies, and also a lot of children wont go in a room with stranegrs, i know for sure my 3 woud stay with me throughout the meal and ceremony...

also if either me or my OH were invited to a wedding and the other wasnt neither of us would go... i think yor best cttting out children or at least some. my wedding in august we are having our children and nieces and nephews. no extended children eg cousins freinds children etc. maybe that would work.

I'm glad that you have been able to come up with a solution that suits everyone - I'm not sure I would have been able to sort it out as stress-free as you have!!

Glad you have come to some resolution, and it seems that you have a good FMIL, mine would flip her lid if we had to cut down any of her family

I'm sorry but don't you think saying any relationships under two years is a bit judgemental? I was married just after that bracket and j know people that have been less than two years, just think it is a little mean.

Me too. Seems a bit galling that when we were 3 months away from our wedding date, under this system my H and I would be considered less serious than a couple who might not even live together but had been together 3+ years.

At 2 years we had our 10 month old son, were engaged and had just found out we were pregnant with number 2. Lol.

Also what will you do if people have a child under 2 and a child over 2?

Quite honestly I think that with the attitude you seem to have you could just invite all 150 on your original list and still not have a problem. You are making it so plain that you don't really want people there that they will most likely decline anyway!

For example, your attitude to the children - either invite them and let them be part of your day, or don't but seriously to say I'll invite your child but will stick them with a stranger in a creche through all the important parts of the day (the ceremony and breakfast) and then I expect them to leave before the fun starts (reception). You could not be screaming 'I don't want you there' any louder.

The kids thing is so hard - were still figuring out what to do for children outside of family...

As for plus one - if we do not know them a year before wedding then no day invite, as long as the people know lots of others at the wedding I can't see a problem, seems odd to me to invite someone you don't know to such a personal event where space is a premium.

I have to say this is quite a strange arrangement. It means there would next to no part of the day where the children are actually welcome. As a mother it would put me off coming, but I would also wonder why you bothered inviting children in the first place. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my son with a stranger. During the meal I would be getting up and popping in every 5 minutes to keep an eye on him, and during the ceremony I would spend the whole time with my mind elsewhere, which I'm sure isn't how you want the day to go either...

I'm glad you've come up with a plan.

have you thought about whether anyone has a child under two and an older child. If I'm honest I would have thought the parents more likely to leave an older child with a babysitter so I'm not quite sure I understand the logic.

i would have scrapped the cresh and had the under twos. Do check with your venue whether a child under two even counts as a person. Our venue didn't count them...

I think a wedding is about having people there that are important to you. Yes that does mean offending some people but that at least makes more sense than cutting people off the list because of a number. I think the way you've cut it is odd if I'm honest, kids in a creche sounds like a good idea but then sending them home for the evening would mean all the parents would have to leave and you wouldn't be seeing any of the children all day so what's the point in having them there at all?

This. I'd be surprised if the little ones count in number, and as for the creche, A. They wouldn't then be in number, and B. This would offend people to the point of them not coming anyway. Not always easy though, I know.

Your MIL called people to tell them their invite was a mistake!? Tell me you're joking ?

I feel bad for you as I know it's hard. But I do agree with what's been said......The creche being a bad idea. If the kids are gonna be in there all day then sent home before the evening, what's the point in having them there and including them in your numbers? I personally would rather leave my child with a babysitter than that. Then I could enjoy the day without worrying about them in the creche, and want have to leave early to take the kids home.

We've got no kids at our wedding and our guests our looking forward to the 'night off!'

The venue we chose can only hold 110 people for the day so me and my partner split it 55 people each and wrote our own list of who we wanted to be there. I had slightly less people than the 55 that I wanted to be there for the day and so my partner is Ble to invite more. If he does over that number that is his problem Nd although I can help him, he knows he has to cut it down. I think your partner was being slightly mean saying no to all your options but glad you have it sorted now x