Anybody else had a point in their wedding prep where they just don't want to get married anymore?

Seren this is very normal, Its a rollercoaster of emotions this wedding planning lark, and the last thing you need is interfering mums, tell her to butt out you have enough on your plate! I had the same thing just before xmas I wanted to cry and not stop and then started questioning why I was actually putting myself through it. We gave ourselves a break over the xmas period and then started the planning in the January and I felt much better for it, we now have 4 months to go I still have a fair bit to do but I feel excited and calm it does blow over just give yourself a bit of a break.

Oh yes, been there. Mr Spoon also felt the same and there was a period when we seriously considered changing or cancelling everything as we felt it was all getting away from us.

We just stopped planning for a while, kept talking to ech other, and made sure that absolutely everything we were including in the wedding, we were including because we wanted it and it was important to us. Anything unneccessary or not really our thing has been kicked out. Now we are certain that our day is exactly about us, and nothing or no-one else.

Thanks lovely. That's pretty reassuring. Still have no idea what to do about anything!!! My Mum wants us to seriously cut down our numbers and just have one do rather than day time and evening and has told me that of course none of my friends will want to come to the wedding because why on earth would they make that much effort to travel? And that we shouldn't bother inviting any of our cousins! The list goes on. There's something different every day and it just keeps putting me down.

I don't know if I can really tell her to butt out though. They've offered a considerable amount of money towards the wedding which means that anything we save can go directly towards a new house as we've moved to a more expensive area and need to save for a deposit

x

It sounds very much to me that you're feeling that you're losing control of the planning - it's no longer the big day where you and your partner publicly declare your love for each other, and your mother is taking over and the day is now all about what she wants.

Unfortunately this is very common. Whilst there is of course no problem in involving both sets of parents in the planning, and sharing your plans with them, ultimately you and your partner should have the final say on venue, time, date, bridesmaids, cake, cars, food, entertainment etc, regardless of whether any parents are making a financial contribution or not.

It seems to me that you and your partner need to speak to your mum and let her know that whilst you appreciate your interest, what she has in mind is not what you want for your big day, and will she kindly butt out. Ok perhaps not quite those words, but to that effect.

It's gonna be hard, it may well get unpleasant, but she has to understand that this is not an opportunity for her to impose her will on you both and in some way make up for things she perhaps wanted when she was married but couldn't have, reliving her wedding through you.

Tell her what your plans for your dream wedding were, that you mentioned are being overtaken by her, and that's what you are going to have, not what she wants you to have.

Running away unfortunately won't fix it - you have to stand up to her. It's never easy, but many couples have to go through this, and come out the better for it.

You added that she is making a financial contribution - so what? That doesn't give her the right to enforce her will. Any parental contributions should either be completely unconditional, or refused as far as I'm concerned. You may have to wait longer to get married, or have a smaller 'do' than you wanted, but surely it's better to have a smaller wedding you're happy with, than a big day that doesn't feel yours?

Maybe be a bit more diplomatic than telling her to to butt out, I'm sure if she knew how you felt she would back off a little. Its always good for your family to have there opinions some you take on board some you dont but ultimately its your day and completely influencing you isnt right. Can you not sit down with her and explain that its lovely she's offered help financially towards the wedding but you'de like to make your own decision as its your day after all.

It is very kind of her to give money towards your wedding but that doesn't give her the right to control it all - you need to talk to her and let her know how unhappy this is making you. She is your mum after all and probably has no idea how much it is getting to you. It doesn't have to be a full-on confrontation, just plan what you're going to say carefully in advance so that you get your point across without actually having to tell her to butt out. Advice from her is helpful but flat out criticism is not.

You all sound so sensible and grown up and all I want to do is run away from the issue and cry. It's not like me at all. But yeah I think we need to sit down with her together. Or I might email her. We strangely have a much better email relationship than face-to-face. I find I have no opinion of my own wedding which is ridiculous!!

Hey Seren, I haven’t ever felt like I have wanted to jack it all in completely but then I know that I am lucky with my family, who have all been super supportive without trying to control anything. However, if we were on speaking terms with OH’s nasty mother then I am guessing I would have felt exactly the way you do at some point!

Try and stay strong and remember the reasons you DO want to get married to your OH, try not to let whatever stresses are happening affect the bond between the two of you. If any particular aspect is making you feel overwhelmed right now then leave it be, give yourself a planning break and do something you can lose yourself in like the cinema or something and then go back to it when you have had chance to have some time to chill.

Easier said then done but try to sit down with your mum and discuss why it is important that you feel you and your OH should have complete control over your day, that you appreciate her wanting to be involved but you don’t want to be a stranger in your own wedding planning!

Think the worst part is simply the fact that I'm temping at the moment but it's reception work in an amazing company but with very little for me to do except for research and plan my wedding or sit here staring into space and think about the wedding!! Taking a break doesn't seem an option really

When are you getting married Seren?

Oh aaaages and aaages away!!! I'm just conscious of the fact that if I want the venue that I want then I'm going to have to get in there as soon as possible and the venue is the major sticking point and just the fact that I have nothing to do at the moment makes it easy to research but also easy to sit and contemplate everything that's wrong in the world!!! x

Well that' simple, just go ahead and book it! If its ages away your mum will have plenty of time to get her head around it, I can gurantee once you've booked the venue you will feel heaps better.

Lol. I love that idea!! Only problem is it's a massive deposit that I'd need their money to put down at the moment. Grrrr!!! But it really would solve everything x

I would speak to your mum and just be straight with her, tell her this is what you want you would like to book it, you need her help, surely she isnt going to say because she doesnt agree she's not prepared to hand her cash over. Your venue if like most will give you 2 weeks from booking the date before you have to pay the deposit.