Anybody else not wanting children?

Ah yes, the old 'are you having kids' conversation. We've had quite a few threads like this on OT. No, Mr Orly and I don't want kids at the moment (been married four and a half years.) We've always said that and people have now stopped asking as much. But I agree, it's frustrating - and rude.

You share our wedding anniversary! Anyhoo, we don't really get this all and sundry asking about children malarkey, and if someone asks I tell them we're not plannig on having kids. On the other hand I don't really care if people find that odd, that is their problem

L
xx

We've been married for 3 years, and so far haven't felt like having children. No one has really asked us directly that I can remember, other than my best friend (but then she kept nagging about us getting married).

When we moved to Denmark, first thing we did was tell H's family that we weren't going to be starting a family any time soon. His mum had kind of thought that was part of the reason we moved so we needed to 'manage expectations' as H is on medication for his athritis which causes birth deformities. So even if we wanted to, we couldn't IYSWIM. Now if anyone asks, I just tell them that, and if anything it either shuts them up or they then go on to ask after H's health.

We're not even married and we get this question from some people. mostly people our own age who had kids in their late teens who assume because we've been together a long time we're going to get upduffed as soon as we can. We want kids but its not in our life plan for another ten years. What frustrate me is that when i told a girl who i went to school with about the fact we don't want kids for another ten years she said she didn't believe me and said she thought i'd be pregnant in two years!

We have been together for 10 years, married for 4 and neither of us want children. Thankfully, the two other couples that we are good friends with don't want children either so we have no peer pressure.

The question itself doesn't really bother me. I just tell people we don't want them and leave it at that. What does bother me is the amount of people that assume that I hate children. Now, I am no earth mother and I don't coo over babies or go out of my way to play with other peoples children BUT I don't hate them.

Been together 8 1/2 years married for 6, I've never wanted children and I'm lucky that the man I fell in love with and married doesn't want children either. I'm not maternal in any way, children generally annoy me (I don't hate them I just dislike them) and over the years I've had many people including family members say with certainty I'd change my mind. Well I'm 36 now and the older I'm getting the more I dislike children and really don't want any. I also have a phobia I suppose about being pregnant, the thought of some alien thing growing inside me freaks me out and makes me feel sick.

So people generally (the ones who know us) don't bother mentioning children anymore as they know we don't want any and we enjoy our lives without them. People that don't know us however always assume that we are planning on having children as we live in a 4 bed house 'loads of space to fill up with kids eh?!' Erm..... no. Our standard reply is, we don't want children, we never have and never will, get over it.

It's a rood question to ask people in the first place and no ones business except your own!

The questions don't stop even if you have them, to be honest. We have a 20m old and are constantly asked why we're not having any more, when the next one is, etc etc. No one can seem to understand a) that we might only want one or b) that it's none of their business!

One of my best friends gets this, her little girl is 3 and a bit and my friend had a terrible time of it when pregnant with her, and her H told he he didnt want her to go through that again as she was so, so ill. Theyre happy with 1 and have no plans to add to that, so many people ask when the next baby is coming along and it upsets my friend because its nosey, none of their business and she refuses to have to explain why theyve stopped at 1. Its so flippin rude!

are you me?? I'm totally weird about this too, and the thought of it having to come out brings me out in a cold sweat. Given that I can't have a smear test without major pain and tears probably means I'd have to persuade a doctor to allow me to have a C-section otherwise I'd spend a whole pregnancy in panic and dread. But back to the original point, I once had to stop talking to a heavily pregnant lady at a party as I was getting very freaked out by the bump.

I don't want children (no, really? ?) but often got asked by my work colleagues at the time. I took to saying 'I wonder what it is about getting married that makes people feel they can pry into your private life and ask personal questions?' which was taken in the good humoured way it was meant but also had the desired effect.

LP, well I never, I thought I was the only one that thought like that. See, we were meant to be friends, we have so much in common! ?

I've never wanted children either and, after almost five years of marriage, people have finally got the idea. It is quite rude of them to be asking but I suppose they ask because most people see it as the norm and want to know when you'll be 'conforming'! My mother in law who was the worst of the hint droppers has finally got the picture and now tells me she prefers our dogs visiting to their grandchildren as the dogs make less noise and less mess.

Generally people have been fairly accepting of our choice, with the exception of my siser-in-law's sister-in-law (still with me?) who questions me about it incessantly whenever I see her. I try to avoid her these days.

Being two women, we rarely get asked, and when we do it's more of a curiosity "How would you do it?" type thing.

I've always wanted kids, as does my OH, and we have talked about how to go about it (obviously it's a bit more comlicated than just deciding to give it a go!). But more recently we've both been questioning whether it's really what we want (I think because we're both approaching 30 and it's kind of the time we'd envisaged doing it, maybe it's just getting a bit scary!).

I'm not sure what we'll do. A big part of me still does want kids, but another part likes the way my life is right now. We're just not putting pressure on ourselves, and we'll make the right decision when we're ready.

WSS word for word except that I'm 29 (for 2 weeks more!!!).

WT not alone my friend feels like this and has said almost word for word what you just said.

I would have liked to have children but I dunno me and H are happy as we are. Married 3 years people have stopped asking now.

Maybe I will feel differently in a few years but I love our life the way it is.

I don't want them and everyone knows that and never questions it. (apart from in a discussiony kind of way) H did want kids when we got together, but I made my feelings clear and I think he's accepted that. I just make sure super nanny and anything similar is played at full blast

It's reassuring to know I am not the only one that feels this way, most of my friends have kids and it is the constant question. My brother has two kids that I dearly love, but we are happy with the way our life is.

I find it rude aswell to be honest!

My hubby and I have been married 3 years this year. We would both like children in the future (I think! I seem to change my mind so much!) But certainly not yet. Purely because we're so happy with it being just the two of us. We've been together almost 10 years so people seem to think we've had enough time alone and should be getting on with the kids part. But is it so wrong that I want a few more years just being with my hubby?

It doesn't help that friends who got married at the same time as me, are now having babies, so everyone keeps asking 'you next!' 'have you started trying' etc etc. It really hacks me off that everyone expects you to have children within a certain timeframe. And that just because my friends are pregnant, I must want to be too.

I'm just happy with being married! Why is that so hard to understand for some people? Wish I had a few more friends who had the same thoughts. Most seem to be pregnant or broody!

I never wanted childrenalthough my h did. I got pregnant after we'd been married 3.5 years and was on the pill. We didn't really get lots of people asking when we'd have children after we got married as we married quite young. Lots of people did think we were getting married becasue I was pregnant though!

My little boy is almost 2 now and although I'm so glad we've got him I absolutely do not want any more. What's annoying is people telling me how selfish I'm being by not giving him a sibling and saying that I've had one so what's the difference in having two? Well quite a big difference actually! ?

I'm constantly surprised by people thinking they have the right to express opinions about something so personal.

I'm getting the opposite at the moment as I'm pg with my third child and everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't be planning anymore - you can never win!

I met H at 23, started dating at 25, married at 28 and this year I turned 40 and am child-free. H had a vasectomy at the age of 37 (it was easier than we thought to get it on the NHS although they did interview us both to "make sure". Our argument was - well, we would have done it by now if we wanted them!) The questions have finally stopped for us although we're about to move at the end of the year so I guess new friends may ask. It's a fairly regular question when you meet new people and I'm just hoping I can meet lots of lovely new friends who are in the same position as me.

I would never ever ask this of a couple. I have a friend. She and her husband desperately want children, but are unable to conceive. She has been asked in the past by people who are not aware of her situation, and it has always distressed her. For that reason, I would never ask as you never know.

This must be so hard. When I get asked I point that we could be trying and if we were this prying would be very hurtful. We aren't, but the look of shock on so many people's faces, including my family, is amazing. Why is it ok to pry into other people's sex life/ family planning - I will never get that.

To answer OP - don't want kids but never say never am only 32 and I never thought I would get married...

Thats what gets me when people ask, how do they know we are not trying?

Anyway as I said, I'd never say never, but it seems the same people hint I am next on the list!

It's funny, I used to be very broody and really wanted children (at least four!) and I'm now with someone who doesn't want children and never has. I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I've decided that actually, I don't think I want children any more. I'd like to work in childcare in some capacity but I think that will be enough for me. I kind of like the idea of having my OH to myself, and having the freedom to do things on the spur of the moment. I do love kids though so looking after children as part of my job really appeals.

I've never understood why people are so intrusive in their questioning. If someone was going to have a child, you'll find out then. Why be so impatient to find out in advance? And it also means that if you're continually asking if they're pg yet, then you're basically asking them if they've had sex recently ?.