Anyone else feel a bit sad when they look at their guestlist?

Hiya

I was at a wedding recently on the OH's side of the family and we didnt even know the bride. To me this is wrong and i felt a bit embarrassed to be honest. If you had say 200 folk at your wedding could you honestly say that you know every one of them very well? I think we all drift apart from friends over the years and form new friendships also. Try not to worry about things, i think it is your hen night that is affecting your emotions. My other half has lot of friends too but he maybe only speaks to them every few months, if that, whereas i speak to mine all the time.

Even a normal birthday party would encounter a lot of drop outs not coming.

I know what you mean. OH has lots and lots of friends, but I don't think he speaks to them all that often just once in a blue moon and he has 4 or 4 really close friends. Whereas I have 5 or 6 really close girls that I speak to at least weekly or so and that's kind of it. It did make me sad when we were talking about who to invite and I just sat there thinking that two-thirds of the wedding will be his friends. In the end, I think it won't really matter...(I say that now!). I'm also worried about hen do My birthday is during the summer holidays and I never ever had a birthday party as friends were always away whilst I was stuck at home. But that's my own neurosis...

I think that our boys tend to have general friends to have a bit of banter whereas us girls have confidantes and then perhaps not that much outside of this.

Hugs to you

Didnt want to read and run...6-9 can still make a fab hen do, i invited 35 to mine, and theres 11 coming, i have different circles of friends but all my close friends are coming, and thats what matters...

as for the numbers at the wedding, dont worry about it, it will be a lovely day know matter how many go. at my sisters wedding the groom only had his parents and best friend, and it didnt bother him, a good time was still had....

I found the hen night issues hard to take and did take them personally, and it's hard not to when your 'friends' can't put things aside for one minute to be there for you no matter what. (My hen night fell apart when the venue we'd booked cancelled on us and asked if we wanted to get a refund or transfer to a better package - for free - to their other venue a similar distance away in the other direction. My 'friends' decided that the extra £8 taxi fare each - that was £8 in total for getting us there & back! - was far too much to be expected to pay on top of the £12 entry fee already paid then drinks on top. Only 2 were still up for it plus sil so we went to a hotel for a meal plus stripper & disco night instead !!).

I guess the wedding day guest list is similar. You make a list of who you want to come and feel disappointed when they can't, i think you just have to remember that your wedding is only really important to you, your h2b and immediate family. Sounds harsh, but whilst others will make happy comments for you, they really generally don't give other people's special days any where as much thought as their own! I have had many friends over the years and would say now that i only really have a couple of people that i could say i class as real friends who would be there for me and vice versa. Everyone's friends lists are different - doesn't matter if you have 1 friends or 50, it doesn't mean you have a better relationship with any of them or you are more popular or a better person for it. To be honest - would you really want a load of people on your wedding photo's that you look at in 10 years and say 'who's that?'.

As far as responses for your wedding invites - wait til your rsvp date that you gave your guests, then contact each of them with a quick "Hi X, we don't seem to have received a reply to our wedding invitation, we have now reached a time when our venue require confirmation of numbers of guests attending, therefore we would appreciate your reply by (end of today, tomorrow, x date) or we will assume you are not attending". You will find that there are people you will need to chase no matter what. And you may also find that someone who has said they are coming, doesn't actually turn up on the day itself! It's all a pain in the backside, but to be honest, once the day itself arrives, none of it will matter and you'll have a great time ?

It's quality rather than quantity.

I would much rather have had a wedding with 20 guests who truly cared about us, than 200 guests that were only there for the free food, drink and entertainment and would naff off about 9pm to go and do something more interesting.

We had 12 dropouts in the last week before our wedding, and honestly apart from my dad none of them were missed. I had a family of three drop out on the morning - due to illness - but at least they took the time to ring the hotel to talk to me and apologise and one person who just didn't turn up - who we've subsequently found out due to Facebook posts decided to have a holiday in Spain instead so he's off the christmas list.

The people that do turn up are your real friends, some of those that can't come but have genuine reasons are also likely to be real friends, and those that just can't be bothered to come, or don't even bother to respond, then stuff them.

I'm not so worried about the wedding, but I don't have that many close girlie friends for my hen do. We have a nice group of friends but they're all couples, and it's the blokes that I'm friendlier with, so probably only having less than 10 to my hen do

Thanks for your thoughts, its crazy how upset all this wedding stuff can get you and its supposed to be such a happy event haha! I too would never have tried to organise something like a birthday party in the fear that nobody would turn up!

I know the main thing is the people that do make the effort and it makes me appreciate them a whole lot more!

Funny as i was upset last night telling OH how i felt and he made some of the same comments as you guys but I didn't feel any better. Though after reading this today its perked me up a bit and made me realise its like that for others too.

Hopefully it's all worth it in the end

We have 90 for the meal and the only friends will be part of the wedding party. my other half has loads of friends but i have only a handful of close ones but they are spread out all over the uk and i have a large close extended family so it's only family for the meal which means my friends wont travel all the distance and have to take time off work and book hotels for what they will see as a party.

the thing that makes me sad about going over the wedding lists are important people/family that have passed away and arent here to share our big day.

friends are important but the only ones that matter on your wedding day is you and your man. the people that your feeling down about just now wont even come into your head on the day. x

I have listed about 30 for my hen do that are to be invited, but i am of the opinion that if only my bridesmaid who's organising the thing, and another close friend are the only ones who make it, we'll have an amazing night. We always do!

I don't have a lot of friends, but those that i do have, are really close and the best friends i could wish for. And i've always felt that this is the most important thing in life! Especially since i've known them since the beginning of high school and 13 years on we're still really close!

It's the close friends who matter, and you should be able to count close friends on two hands only! Intimitate is good for weddings and you only want people there who will love and care about you

x

I only looked at my guest list with so much sadness because some of the most important people in my life were not going to be there as they are no longer with us. I felt that those who were important to me would be there and that was what mattered. It was not about numbers for us and we limited our day guests to 70 people and then invited another 50 to the evening.

Those that matter will be at your wedding and your real friends will go to your hen do. I had 2 hen dos as had to accomodate a group of friends who I knew wouldn't be able to afford the main do. We went for dinner and drinks (there were 12 of us) and it was really relaxed and so much fun! The more planned hen do was also great fun but as we had a timetable to follow and 30 people to keep rounded up, it was also a little stressful for my BM who had organised it all.

Nothing will put a dampner on your day, you won't even notice those absent 'friends' unless as above, you have lost someone close who you'd have really wanted to join in with the celebrations. We all drift apart from people, it's normal. I have very little contact with school friends now and neither does H so we decided not to invite them to our wedding as we see them once a year if that. Just focus on all the good things about your day.

As previously said, its quality not quantity, I am only having around 7 people for my hen which includes my 2 sisters, I only wanted my close friends who I would usally go out with. I know people that have 30 people go for their Hen and thats fine. I dont think it matters how many people you have as long as the people you go with can all make you have a good night that is the main thing xx