Anyone else want the ceremony over & done with?

That would mean having to go to a whole other venue for the ceremony. By actually getting married at our reception venue it means we can get right to the party immediately. Also, my mother would be very very upset. And yes, I thionk it's worth doing the ceremony even if it were just to make my mother happy.

For me its the most important part. I am saying those vows and I blinking well mean them, hopefully OH does too. I am however also looking forward to a big party afterwards. I guess its each to their own but if you want to be married you got to have a marriage. I do appreciate the family implications and that is why some people are having bigger ceremonies than they would like, but I feel a little sad for you that you don't feel comfortable with the wedding you are having and that the wedding you are having isn't truly what you would like it to be.

In my cabbage ( and please don't be offended if this over-steps the mark) you wont ever feel comfortable with the ceremony while you are sceptical of the value and meaning of the words you are saying. My OH is divorced, just because his last marriage failed doesn't mean mine will, or yours. I do hope you can make your peace with your parents divorce. I am sure it must be difficult.

We chose the vows with the least amount of words so that we could get through the whole thing as quickly as possible. We have been "married" for years, so a bit of legality wasn't going to change our commitment to each other.

HOWEVER, when we actually started going through it, it was all rather nice. OH fluffed his words, everyone laughed, I corrected him, everyone laughed, it was all good fun and pretty light hearted. Mind you, the registrar was a right hoot so she played a big part in making it good fun.

I am more worried that the ceremony is going to fly by in a flash.

Like ATB I will be standing in the same spot as my mum 30 odd years ago and my nana 50 odd years ago so it is very special to me.

Skeptical - adding personal touches/readings etc will make it seem more you and your H2b, rather than feel just the legal bit you had to get out of the way,

My ceremony was civil, with lots of personal stuff thrown in, and gave others the chance to be involved as well. if it is the attention thing that makes you uncomfortable, it goes in a flash... it felt like 5/10 minutes to me. Ours was 30-40 minutes long, with readings, personal touches etc.

BTW if you don't have the readings etc, it will only be about 15 minutes long!

Btw - we too (and to this day) get comments about how lovely and personal our wedding ceremony was (I guess most guests weren't used to civil?) - you have to have it, so you may as well make the most of it!

We re the complete opposite. To us, the ceremony was so important it meant we went abroad. I am divorced and my church where I lived when we were engaged did not marry divorcees. Nor did my parents parish, or the country church where my parents married and where my grandparents re buried. All I wanted was a C of E wedding, to marry in the rite of the Church I believe in. (horribly ironically, my first marriage had to be civil since my ex husband was previously married). Anyway, by marrying abroad we could have the C of E service, say the time honoured vows that we both believe in, and everyone was happy.

We did organise a party when we got back, but although it was just what we wanted, it wasn't a patch on the wedding day and ceremony that just meant so much.

I'm with you on this one Skeptical.

My OH was like this too. His words were almost exactly 'let's get it out of the way so we can get on with enjoying our day.' The important part for us was celebrating with friends and family and to get on with being married rather than getting married.

We did write our own vows so it was more personal, but didn't want any readings or faff. I was worried it wouldn't be very long but it was definitely substantial enough without!

Yes we both feel that we are already committed to each other so see the ceremony as just a formality.

In my view actions speak louder than words therefore vows don't mean a lot to me. However we shall be saying a few lines to each other (Technically for a Civil Partnership you don't have to legally say any vows) we mainly just want to celebrate with our friends and family.

(Not suggesting that those wanting a long ceremony are not already committed)

Skeptical - i'm with you! cant wait to walk down the aisle and say the formal vows but not dragging it out any longer than needed. to me i dont want personalised vows or readings or hymns. just our short sweet promise to one another and plenty of grinning with joy. my oh has a very tiny speech impediment when he's nervous and is dreading speaking in public (especially the speech!) xxxxxx

I'm so glad you feel this way, Funky- I was thinking last night that I may have offended same-sex couples with my 'indifferent' attitude toward the ceremony when you guys have fought so hard to get the right to even have recognised 'marriage' status!!

I personally would prefer it if mixed-sex couples should have to option to have civil partnerships instead of weddings, if they choose. Is that controversial?

I'm not always great at expressing myself, but you've summed up how I feel nicely. Thank you. ?

Thanks for the benefit of your experience, but I just feel that readings are a bit...I dunno, cringe? I've never found one I like or which sums up our relationship. They're either too slushy, or try to be 'funny' but fall short of the mark. We're kind of more like blokey mates (with bonking) than a lovey-dovey romantic couple. When we're out with friends they're always amused by our mutual piss-taking...think Benedick & Beatrice from 'Much Ado about Nothing'?! But, I've never actually been to a wedding where there have been readings, etc. so I dunno. Maybe they come off better in person?

We're having little things at the ceremony (my brother- the usher- is going to be dressed as a deckchair attendant, handing out ice-cream cone bubbles and flags on the door, we're choosing our own songs, guests will be encouraged to bring seaside-themed 'accessories'- kiss me quick hats, windmills, inflatable sharks, etc.) so it will be personal in that sense, I suppose...

You haven't overstepped the mark at all, in fact, I think you've hit the nail on the head! It is hard to say words you don't absolutely believe in. I am a bit of a fatalist; I've never believed in making promises because you never know what is around the corner. Like, you promise to love someone for all time but- if they cheated on you (not saying he every would)- could you still love them? I don't think I could. Perhaps I'm overthinking things a bit too much or being paranoid. I don't really have much of a concept of blind, romantic love!! I'm too practical. ?

I have no doubts whatsoever about the wedding itself. I know that I want us to be together for the rest of our lives.

Perhaps I should have a chat with my parents about it and, as you say, make my peace?

Here's a quote from the good ol' Bard himself...perhaps we WILL have a reading..?!:

"Love me? Why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured. They say I will bear myself proudly if I perceive the love come from her. They say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry. I must not seem proud. Happy are they that hear their detractions and can put them to mending.

They say the lady is fair; ‘tis a truth, I can bear them witness. And virtuous; ‘tis so, I cannot reprove it. And wise, but for loving me. By my troth, it is no addition to her wit nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her.

I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have railed so long against marriage, but doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No. The world must be peopled.

When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married."

This is the type of thing that upsets me about the church: why refuse you the right to marry in your own parish, in accordance to your faith and beliefs, then allow people who only want to get married in a church because it will be pretty for the pictures.... ?

Skeptical - you beat me to it. This is how readings should be chosen (not digging up a list populated by Pam Ayers toilet tales and plumping for one). Our 'serious' one was a poem we both love (see below). Our funny one was discovered on the Internet and seemed immediately right for the reader we had in mind (although it is a 'standard reading list' entry).

Scaffolding by Seamus Heaney

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall

Oooh. Actual goosebumps. I hated Heaney at school, but I really like this.

You're definitely not alone with this - quite a few of our couples in the past have had the same view, and haven't had readings etc and have just had the basic vows. To some people, it's a really nerve wracking experience, and they won't relax until after the ceremony. Just do it your way, as with the rest of the wedding day it's yours to make personal to yourselves and to suit you both - don't worry about what others think ?

Yes! This is exactly what I was trying and failing to say.

I wanted the ceremony done with. I wasn't even having a reception to look forward to, I just wanted to say "I do", and be done.

We had no readings, no personalised vows, we didnt even choose our own music.

I'm not wired right when it comes to weddings (maybe been on here too long to fully appreciate them now). I just wanted to be his wife, without any fuss.

I see where you are coming from. We had the basic vows and a reading. We didn't want to make the service too long as we were both nervous about standing up in front of people. It still meant the worl to us though and we said everything we wanted.

I get you.

I bloody LOATHE being a centre of attention! I dont have 'that kind' of self-confidence. so the ceremony scares the hell out of me, not because the commitment but stage fright.

I would like to put in personal touches to loosen the mood, and my partner would too ... then panic, then bale on the idea last minute making me frustrated. He has a problem acting normal in front of his family. He gets very guarded.

This does seem Ironic, I thought C of E came about so King Henry VIII could divorce and have numourous wives?

Yea agree equality works both ways!