Anyone for a drink?

Oh, and to liven this one up; you don't get a drink until you have told a funny / embarrassing story about yourself.

I'll go. A couple of years ago now I walked into a bar to go for drinks for my friends birthday. I walked up to her and gave her a kiss whilst saying in a pervy type voice 'appy birfday gawjus... It wasn't her...

I'm still hiding in the dark hungover! Missed one of my lectures this morning. No drink for me please. However, some OJ and a fry up would be nice! Does this bar serve food?

Not until you've told your story!

(Read the second post...)

? Those frigging Uggs are fakies RaeF!

I'm absolutely livid - they cost nearly as much as really ones. They are hideous fakes too, not just a little bit fake.

So I need a maa-hooo-sive drink please - tequila slammers please......four of them.

In the same vein - I touched my friend's Dad's arse then licked his cheek and put a glow stick round his neck, at a bonfire party...it was dark, I was pissed, I thought it was Rob.

NEVER lived it down ?

Oh no, report them to ebay!

You may certainly have a tequila slammer for that story!!!! ?

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(me thinks the bar will be quieter than usual...)

I'm going to get plastered then drool over Robert Pattinson all night whilst Al Fonzo eats Pick'n'Mix!

CAN'T WAIT!!!!

??[:'(] thats brilliant!

Hmmm, i really need a glass of wine, so let me think....last birthday (march) I got rather tipsy, OH had to take me home, I went to the loo - refusing his help, and when I stood up I fell backward into the bath legs hanging out over the side with trousers and knickers rounds ankles, just to top it off the fall made me sick, OH had to rush in and save me! ?

Large glass please!!

Ooh la la - gutted about your uggs! My friend ordered some real uggs for her daughter and got sent fake crocs!!

Haaaa Moya!

Loving your story and how bizarre about your friend.

These are what they should look like -

Glass of wine for Moya! ?

Haha, i knew after you good/bad post you would open the bar raef ?

Ok, here goes...

was out with my friends one night this year. there is a club in edinburgh called garibaudis.... its cheap, only serves doubles and has a pole.
I am usually in my element here after a few... so needless to say I was on the pole pullin shape that would have made a stripper jealous.
I kept getting requested by those in the bar to go up and do it again... not much persuasion needed.

Lets set the scene. N.E.R.D. She wants to move was playing, I lept onto the pole (crowd gathering) and gripped it with my thighs whilst swinging round, no hands.
It goes my way for about 2ft down the 6ft pole... then I fall backwards from about 4ft high and in my panic attempted to grab the pole to sve myself... miss and headbutt it instead.

needless to say I caused a few laughs for the guys and delighted cackles from the previously envious girls....

I am so flushed from even typing this story that I think I'm gonna need an ice cold tequilla slammer please Raef!!

Brilliant story Nayso!

Another tequila slammer for you!

(see, it's good to share!)

I once weed in a lunch box

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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I nearly opened the bar at 8.30 this morning - that's how bad my day started! Soooo I could really do with a drink. Here's my embarrassing story...

We went to Sainsburys one Saturday afternoon to do the food shopping and as I got to get out of the car I got my handbag caught around my feet and subsequently fell, well kinda flew actually, straight out onto my hands (which really hurt btw) and I could see H looking round to see where I was. When he came round to the side of the car and saw me on the floor he was in hysterics. I did see the funny side of it but it was the embarrassment more than anything lol.

Can I have a very very large red wine please, i am supposed to be working from home writing a paper but can't find words for damm paper have been staring at the screen for 4 hours and nothing aarrgghhhh

so embrassing story (I have a lot!)

lat year I was in early at work and had just been moved to e new desk so I was crawling under said desk plugging computer type things together, now it was a big old desk and I can fit right under neath so into my head springs the Trolls ditty from Billy Goats gruff which I promtly start singing out loud (Safe in the knowledge it has half 7 in the morning and no one else was in work!

How wrong was I I crawled out from under the desk to be greathed my my lauging boss who had arrived some minutes earlier!

waaa ha ha! Its all coming out now OLL!! And we thought you were respectable! lol! ...although I think you get a top up for that one!

Rob locked me in the shed by mistake. He'd dropped me off home after school and had come in the shed to see my day old chicks (that isn't a euphemism - I actually used to breed poultry! ?) When he left, he kissed me goodbye, went out, shut the door and that was that. Bloody boy must have accidently pulled the bolt across!

I was in there hours....I also had no battery on my phone. The outlook was bleak - either I kick the door down and face the wrath of my lovely & usually rather timid Step-dad (but who when he gets going, has the temper of a banshee!), or I'd have to try and live off a sack of onions, day old chicks, 50 bottles of Highland Spring fizzy water and a chest freezer of frozen fish-fingers and joints of lamb.

I kicked the door down in the end. My Step-dad was not amused...OOPS!

How comes so bad December?

Drinks for you and Drifter coming up after your stories!!

Are you out to get drunk Oohie? Only one story required but you are cheering my day up no end so feel free to keep going!! ?

OLL

loving the lunch box story! it deafinately deserves a top up

Ok - I don't make it clear in the shed story - but this is the reason I had to wee in the lunch box.....there was nothing else around!

I was off work yesterday to go to my grandma's funeral and I get to work and find out that the person who was covering for me didn't do everything that needed doing and it put me behind on the stuff I needed to do this morning. Nothing major really just wound me up the wrong way I guess lol.

Priceless!! ?

Too early for me - unlie you bunch of alchies ?? In fact, I may have to stay sober all night with the new bar policy ?

? December

Probably not what you needed after a horrible day the day before...

Can i have a large one please, JD and coke. Also a sanwich of some kind. Stuck at work on my own bored to death and starving!!!

hmmmm.....embarressing story.......i was holding a dog's back legs at work whilst we took a stitch out. It was only a little chiuahua but it took one of us holding the top legs and me holding the back legs. It made such a fuss that as soon as i got hold of its back legs it pooed all over me. and not normal poo, very runny poo (the story of my christening at the clinic)

Thanks RaeF xx

Awww...December ?

A JD and coke for K_J_I_W!

Come on, we need more funny stories for what has turned out to be a very dull Friday!

Just to amuse you all

The first time I ever got extra time for my university exams (dyslexic don't you know!) I found that for the first time in my life I had time to read back through an answer to check spelling silly mistakes etc....

I had written a lovely essay on fertilization, only one problem, instead of using the word sperm I had written prawn all the way through the essay, Thankfully I had time to change it but it still makes me chuckle everytime I think about it. (It also made the person marking the essay chuckle as they went to the effort of finding out who had written the answer and let me know they were very glad i had changed it but they thought prawn was much more amusing!)

Litterally...

wetting

myself!

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? Loving the story of you being stuck in a shed OLL, obviously I feel for you but it is rather amusing. And RaeF...I can only imagine what was running through the mind of the poor girl in the pub when she heard your pervy voice in her ear...hilarious!

I think I must have told my most embarrassing moment ever story on here before, so I'll keep it brief.

It was OH's mum and dad's 25th wedding anniversary and they had a big party at theirs with a marquee etc to celebrate. OH and I were quite recently engaged, and we'd only been together about 8 months when we got engaged so basically I hadn't been on the scene for that long really. To cut a long story short I didn't eat anything, started drinking early and got absolutely b*llocksed, ended up locked in the bathroom at the end of the night. I was in there ages and they were getting a bit concerned about me so FIL2B knocked on the door and called out to me. I didn't answer so he slowly opened the door.

What he saw was me, sprawled out on the floor with my trousers down my ankles (thankfully knickers still on - but quite skimpy ones that don't leave very much to the imagination, if you know what I mean ?) next to quite a large pile of vomit, on their beige carpet. To top it off, he said "Stazzle, are you okay?" and I looked up at him, grinned, and gave him the double thumbs up. Oh, the humanity! ? I couldn't look any of them in the face the next day, even though most of it was a blur. I just kept thinking what must they all think of their new daughter-in-law to be?!

Large dry white wine now please?!! ?

Oops - I have just laughed out very loud whilst the others in my office are discussing Children in Need...

Drifter that is brilliant!!!!!!!

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Brilliant - just brilliant!

Large wine coming up!!!!!

ETA: Stazzle; she turned around and kissed me before we both realised we weren't who the other person thought she was!!!